Q&A: Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?
Hi Maj,
Right, so now it’s my turn to ask you a question:
Why do men with a girlfriend (or a wife) look at other women?
I was out shopping with my husband the other day and I caught him discreetly checking out another woman. I asked him why he was looking at her like that and he said that he wasn’t.
He so was though!
Why couldn’t he tell me?
I’m very jealous already and he’s aware of this…
Is there a reason to why men do this?
Thanks,
The Nervous One
Why do men look at other women?
Dear The Nervous One,
Thank you very much for asking this question. I so want to say “Ha! Join the club!” I know SO many women who experience their husbands looking at other women.
I’ve actually also met several men who’ve complained that their wives look at other men – to the extent that they’ve felt uncomfortable and upset.
So no, it’s not just men who look at other women; this is a two way street.
Of course, there’s the question of how much you actually look at someone else and how often you do it. Is it something that just happens all the time as soon as he leaves the house? Is he constantly aware of every single female outside the house?
Or… is it something that happens once in a blue moon because a supermodel is walking past him and even a blind guy would notice that?
So why do men look at other women?
I think you’ll have a difficult time finding a man – or a woman – who’ve absolutely NEVER ever looked at someone else and thought: “Wow, she/he is really beautiful/handsome”.
That being said…
“Looking at other people” certainly doesn’t mean that you want to go out with them; that you’re not happy with the person you’re actually with or that you wish your own partner looked differently…
In regards to your question about whether him looking at other women means anything, this is definitely worth remembering. When you start feeling insecure, ask yourself that question. Sometimes it means something and sometimes it actually doesn’t.
My experience tells me that in the majority of cases, it doesn’t mean anything other than he has seen someone who (to him) is beautiful or attractive, he looks at her and then moves on with his day without giving it a second thought.
Some male couple’s therapists say that it’s about their natural instincts and that men simply can’t help it. I disagree with this; it’s a cop-out saying: “Oh but I can’t help it! It’s a natural instinct!”
Stop it!
It equals to saying that we as human beings are meant to eat everything we find in nature – according to this logic, we should eat everything and we can’t stop eating, we just eat all the food around us.
I’m sure we can agree that a bit of self-restraint would be appropriate…
Believe it or not, humans – and the human brain – have evolved since the Paleolithic era and if we continue to let our “desires” control us – these spontaneous desires and intuition that is – and fail to take any responsibility for our actions, then we’ll end up very lonely. That’s my thesis, anyway.
“I need to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it”… Well, that’s okay, you go ahead and do that. It just won’t be with me then!
It’s perfectly fine to feel this way but if that’s how you feel, then that’s the terms of the relationship and then you need to be able to talk about everything openly and honestly, so that you both know what’s happening and so that you both are aware of your situation.
However…
Just because you want to look, doesn’t mean you have to.
Just because you want to eat cake, doesn’t mean you have to.
Just because you don’t feel like going to the gym, doesn’t mean you can’t go to the gym.
As adult, mature and responsible people we CAN actually control our behavior and our actions.
If we want to.
So what does this “looking” mean?
As I said, that’s a comparison. In my eyes it’s all about respect. Respect for you when the two of you are out grocery shopping but also respect for the women he’s looking at.
Personally I don’t like being checked out like it’s nobody’s business. Yes, I’ve tried this and I actually find that they cross my boundaries, these men who can’t keep their eyes to themselves; they have absolutely not an ounce of sense of situation.
One of my beautiful friends – and yes, she’s absolutely stunning – told me that she finds it extremely uncomfortable when men stare at her for a long time and can’t take their eyes off of her. Especially when they’re with their girlfriend or their wife and she’s (obviously) uncomfortable about the whole thing as well.
This friend of mine tells me that she feels reduced to a piece of meat and she doesn’t feel seen as a woman with a body, a soul, a heart and feelings. She also told me that one time a woman approached her in a club and gave her a mouthful, because this woman’s husband kept staring at her. Needless to say, my girlfriend felt DEVASTATED 🙁
Comparison and respect. Oh and a third thing:
Common decency!
To stare at other people – regardless of how they look – is actually quite rude.
We all know that it’s impolite to stare at fat people or handicapped people. This is what I teach my kids, anyway.
It’s about common decency.
And…
You’re telling me that your husband discreetly looked at another woman and this little adjective actually tells me a lot about your husband. He knows that you don’t care for it so much and he tries to respect this by looking discreetly and not letting his head nearly fall off turning around looking at her.
Even though he tried to hide this sneaky peak, you saw it and when you confronted him, he lied. This is probably the worst thing about your situation, not the “looking” part.
There can be a lot of reasons to why he “looked”. It’s not necessarily because the other woman was really hot; like I just said, sometimes it’s quite the opposite really.
But I’m sure these aren’t the situations that upset you…
Another thing is being dishonest about it, when they’re “caught”.
You get upset when he looks at other women because it makes you feel unsure about where you stand with him and when he then chooses to lie about it… well, that just makes you feel even more insecure, doesn’t it?
And I completely understand why you would. Being insecure in our relationships with other people is one of the worst things we as human beings can experience.
And THAT’S the problem!
He could’ve said:
“You know what babe, I’m sorry. That really wasn’t very considerate of me to do that. I think she was pretty and I looked at her a bit too long. It wasn’t okay and it was disrespectful to both you and her. I’m sorry!
I love you and it wasn’t okay. I know it makes you feel unsafe and I’m sorry. I’m right here. With you. Come here, let me give you a hug. I promise you that I’ll be more aware of not doing this when you and I are out together.”
Rather than denying he was looking at another woman, a response like this (or along those lines, you know) would’ve been a lot easier to deal with. I realize that this example was very pedagogical but you get the gist 🙂
I completely understand that you feel upset and insecure. I did too when I experienced this. I’ve also had a boyfriend once who looked at other women A LOT. And he made no attempt to hide it either.
In no way whatsoever, actually.
It seemed as if he enjoyed watching me feel insecure and uncomfortable. He didn’t have an ounce of sense of situation and this didn’t exactly make matters better… It was so uncomfortable to just go for a walk with him because he constantly commented (positively) on other women, implying that they were everything I was not.
YIKES!
I wasn’t with him for very long.
However, what I experienced was what it meant to be judged on my looks and how it felt to constantly be compared to other women. It was so uncomfortable despite the fact that I actually felt pretty good about my body and about myself.
Anyway, back to you…
I think you need to have a talk to your husband and tell him that him looking at other women upsets you. And tell him that it makes you even more upset that he chooses to lie to you about it too.
Being dishonest only creates insecurity and this isn’t necessary.
I’m sure that if you have a husband who loves you and respects you, he’ll be upset that he’s hurt you and then he’ll do whatever he can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
If you husband doesn’t care about what you tell him, then that’s a whole different matter of course. A much more dire situation for sure. If this is the case, then I’ll recommend you to really have a think about whether he’s the right man for you. You might even want to seek professional help/guidance, either alone or the two of you together.
What you tell me in your e-mail, I do actually believe that he’ll do whatever he can not to hurt you again.
I’m sure this is also why he denied it even though being dishonest is a terrible strategy. He probably denied it because he didn’t want to hurt you even more and he didn’t want to have a big confrontation.
This strategy obviously needs to go and he needs to replace it with honesty. Honesty is without a doubt what makes a relationship flourish and what makes love flourish.
Just a final note on your jealousy…
In regards to your jealousy and how to get rid of it, I’ll recommend you to start working on ridding yourself of this. Make this work serious and structured and perhaps even go see a competent cognitive psychologist.
Most of the time, jealousy is simply rooted in the feat of losing someone, and when jealousy gets a grip on you, it holds on tight. The thing about jealousy is though, that the more you try to avoid it, the bigger it’ll grow.
And this, my friend, will drive you to the point of madness…
One thing is that your husband looks at other women – this isn’t nice for you, of course it isn’t.
Another thing is that you suffering from jealousy make everything so much worse. You can even say that your experience with your husband is negatively affected by this jealousy that already resides within you.
Some would say that you just need to “pull yourself together” and the fact that you don’t like that your husband looks at other women, is actually a sign for you to work on something about your own self-worth and your self-confidence and by doing this, you’ll be fine with him looking at whoever he wants to look at.
You won’t hear this from me though.
Granted, when your jealousy runs the show, the situation worsens. That being said however, I know a lot of men and women who feel confident and secure about themselves and they still don’t like it when their partner is (very obviously) checking out other people when they’re with them.
So no, it’s not about you working on “not caring” about what your husband is doing. This is about him not looking at other women when you’re with him AND about you ridding yourself of the jealousy. If this happens, I’m sure the two of you will be so much happier together.
Love,
Maj Wismann, Clinical Sexologist and Couple’s Therapist with own private clinic since 2006
★ Have you found yourself in a similar situation? What did you do/say? How did you handle it? Has your partner stopped looking at other people or did you learn to live with it? How did you get to that point? I’ll love reading your comment, your story and your good advice.
* Please remember to keep a nice tone. ALL negative comments will be deleted immediately as I wish to create a positive and supporting space where we can help each other. Because of this, I do have a zero tolerance policy to rudeness, condescension and other negative inputs.
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You are correct that many mean no disrespect I’m sure, but it still hurts,especially as you age. Here’s my husband of 30 years now checking out constantly ladies 30 and younger. It hurt when we were first married, and still does, but he is addicted, thinks he has no problem, evidently doesn’t respect me enough not to do it when we are together. He’s ran off the road a few times watching a girl standing in a yard. Restaurants, shopping, anywhere; he’s staring. No, he won’t go to counseling, but I’ve been there and it’s either I ignore it or divorce him. Since there are other signs of disrespect, I’m considering leaving. I truly am a great wife. He does nothing for himself, and does nothing barely to help around our huge home and yard. I feel sometimes these men are just perverts to have to stare all the time. He’ll even pretend to have to go somewhere else like at store, when I see he is following a pretty one. I followed him once and there he was, practically breathing down her neck while she shopped! I keep hoping one day a woman will slap him! Anyways, I say ladies, snip it in the bud; demand respect.
Amen!!!
My fiancee has a habit of also undressing woman with his eyes, it makes me very uncomfortable and insecure. I have confronted him about it, we end up arguing and it ends up ‘My Fault”he actually even does it infront of me…i don’t know what to do..
I know your pain, my husband told me he needed to look and he had to see the whole package and it made him feel good when he saw a pretty women and if I say anything it becomes a argument and I am just over reacting
My husband does the same but I always get looking at what have u seen something I haven’t or what did I miss… it’s the obvious lying that bothers me so so much when clearly your having a look .. it’s the second and third look that really really sets me off . I start thinking what am I not good enough for u anymore that u have to look at every single other women that has legs and can walk. Just yesterday I caught him doing it and I noticed the girl myself and thought oh here we go again time to make my wife feel like shit and unattractive. I’ve done modelling myself and am far from unattractive but clearly not good enough in his eyes constantly. I get the feeling that it’s done on purpose now just to get a reaction from me. I said why don’t u just go have lunch with her . I know it sounds like I’m over reacting but it just shits me so much now. It always ends up being my fault in the end aswell . U would think the person u marry would have more respect about the way u feel . Maybe I married the wrong man.
Kim, I hate to say this; but if I were you I would call off your engagement. I was married to a cheater, first time he cheated, he begged me to forgive him and said he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me, well he cheated again, so I did divorce him. Then I dated and made sure about the next man I married. Well, it took 8 yrs for me to see his true colors gushing over some girl with both her arms around him and him hugging her. Then this one was sorry, but he did worse a week later after promising me he would ignore her then again many promises. Then I found out he was walking on her street twice a day hoping to see her. It is so painful, but I just cannot go through this again, when I thought that I could trust my second husband . I am telling, your guy will continue and possibly do worse. I guarantee you, you will meet someone that treats you better. What he is doing is flirting and flirting is Cheating.
my bf that’s all he does 24/7 7 days a week looks and checks out there females not stop as of jan/2017 he stop having sex with me he barleys kisses me hugs me holds my hand or anything anymore I feel so unwanted unloved worthless useless when I say something to him about it he tells me I,m seiing things cause hes not looking but when I say something to him he get so mad aT ME NOW TO ME IF YOUR NOT DOING ANYTHING THEN YOU HAVE NO REASON TO GET MAD EM I RIGHT WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ALMOST 5 YEARS HE WASNTS TO MARRIE ME I STOP BELIEVING WHAT HE TELLS ME CAUSE HE CAN BE TELLING MY THAAT IM SO SEXY AS HES LOOKING & CHECKING OUT ANOTHER FEMALE HE SAYS I HURT HIM WHEN I ACCUSE HIM OF LOOKING AND I TELL HIM THAT HE HURTS ME WHEN I SEE HIM TO DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME IDK ANYMORE IM THINKING ABOUT LEAVING THE ONLY REASONE HE IS WITH ME IS BECAUSE I CAME INTO a HUG AMOUNT OF MONEY HE SAYS ITS CAUSE HE LOVES ME I KEEP TELLING TO TO PLEASE STOP LYING TO ME AND HIMSELF IM ALWAYS HURTING I DONT FWEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AND HE WANDERS WHY I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO
Leave him now… married 20 years in Sept. Youre too good for that. Every woman is!
Get even by staring at men. He’s giving you license to do the same! fuck him
Maria (and any other woman in her situation)), I beg you to run for the hills and never look back. This “fiance” will most likely cheat, and cheat some more. Why? He never owned the situation and in turn he flipped it all onto you and it somehow became “your fault”. That is control and emotional abuse which will continue to escalate and become unbearable once you marry him. Emotional abuse is the most difficult kind of abuse because you don’t even realize it’s happening. and family members won’t be very supportive even if you try to confide because the emotional abuser is very good at hiding it when others are around. You’ll be at blame. You will always take the fault and be treated like you’re crazy, overly sensitive, paranoid, and so on. Controlling people seem to get a high off of it. Take it from me, I am married to one of them and live through it every day. He’s had several affairs since our marriage, and that’s just the icing on the cake. It’s the constant manipulation and being talked down to that killed my inner worth long before I found out about his first affair. You will eventually become so fearful that you won’t be able to take a stand for, not only you, but your kids as well. I wish I could go back in time, I would have paid attention to the signs and that voice inside telling me something’s not right. I wish I would have realized I deserve waaaay better than this. Please, please, please pay attention to the red flags. He will try to sweeten you up, then move in for the kill, then sweeten you back up again up, then kill again (the cycle continues over and over). Even if it’s not so bad now, it certainly will after the honeymoon’s over. Trust me.
I was married two weeks when my husband started staring not looking but lusting after ladies. smile at them, invite them and go out of his seat to stare at their butts. He is still loving blondes better than all but takes young teen girls and younger than me, they have to be slender too. We have fought each day and he has accused me of being jealous of those young ladies. After having affair on me in church, and telling me to get out if I don’t like his ladies, he thought I was going to be homeless. He had another thing coming. I told his MD and he did nothing to get him help before he got beat up by some bf or husband. So I went and research psychologist the best ones in the area, it took 3 mths for appt but he has bi polar and compulsive behavior on ladies. I found out he kept it hide while we dated both of the disorders. His dad and grandfather both had affairs and lusting too. , He is on several meds to help control his bi polar and prozac for compulsive behavior. My relatives are scare of him, they witness his horrible behavior upon a blonde in their home and he is not invited back ever . He has actually fell out of a booth following a waitness butt, everyone was in shock. He dont care to stop. I have seen attorney and because of our short marriage, he tells me I want even get half. I paid for moving, new furniture, remodeling, etc . He knows I am in a fix over this.
I stopped crying after 4 years each day and started fighting back, verbally in public. If he starts staring I say, Why are you staring at that ladies butt so people around us can hear me. He knows I do it so he is not so gain to do it with me. I don’t feel embarassed to do it he destroyed my character in public making me feel like a no body so I get him back. I told his family they already knew. Until I feel financially good to get rid of the low life husband I am not going to be treated like a piece of trash.
i have been with a guy for 12 hears living the roller coaster ride. recently we broke up and he went and saw strippers before i even moved out of the house. i found out because he had pictures of lots of them in his wallet, when we got back together i asked him to remove them and he said he did, but last week i found another poster and went nuts. Is this completely unreasonable>
Actually, as women, we don’t back each other up and support one another when it comes to this. We go trailing off into “oh, this is the way men are…its their nature” or “oh, you have to get over being jealous and possessive”…I think that is all a load of …..Our culture, our society, our parents, our friends have been brainwashed to think that this is the way of the world. And women are actually pressured to believe there is something wrong with them if they don’t feel good about dating or marrying men who cant control their eyes. And don’t revert to the old “well, women do it too”. Yeah…I don’t know of too many women out there that do…except for teenagers…and the ones that do no one really bothers being around with for too long. I think men really do have some serious issues about looking…and looking…and looking…to the point where they make the woman they are with feel small, belittled and “cut down to size”…and I wonder if there isn’t an intention on their part to make the woman feel this way…I really do…especially when they feel its their god given right to do this and no one is gonna stop them. Well, to hell with you…is a good response. Let him feel what its like to have no woman to nuzzle up to at the end of the day…and eat that. This is unacceptable, totally. When did we as women begin accepting this behavior? From our culture, our society, our mothers…other women. Its one thing to just look, its another thing to “oogle” and a lot of men oogle…time stands still and they forget the woman they are sitting beside…as they go into some kind of trance. It makes you want to slap them across the head and make them snap out of it. The thing is…its out of control and its tolerated…and that is why they get away with it. Then they don’t get it when you give them the cold shoulder and aren’t in an amorous mood. No, I think men need to wake up and smell the coffee, if they want wives and girlfriends to hang around and give them sex. No wonder all the women around me feel “less than”…women are raised to feel this way.
I agree with you 100% my boyfriend keeps telling me that he’s going to one day get sick of my jealousy because of the fact that I keep telling him that I don’t like him looking at other women on social media and pressing like to them and mostly because I can see it every time he those it plus the picture of the women he liked, my self-esteem goes low each time and it hurts me a lot but he thinks that he has the right to do whatever he wants with no remarks of my feelings as well he implies that he those not own me and that I don’t own him and that he could like whatever he likes/ pleases him on social media. I feel very bilittled wen he talks to me that way 🙁 even he’s mother told me the same thing that it’s not right for a women to feel this type of jealousy because it can grow to be very toxic to the relationship an that her son will one day get tired of my jealousy and will leave me and that it’s not like he’s having sex with the women’s he looks at she implies or will he ever be with them he is with you/ he loves you / he picked you out of all of the girls out there he desided to be with you and that I have to work on my self worth just ignore it and laught at he’s stupid behavior because in the end he will wake up to you not them after that conversation I’ have been 3 days straight crying and not wanting to touch him,kiss him, or wen he even try’s to say oh babe you look beautiful or sexy or anything near that mater I don’t believe him because each time I try to in my head every image of every girl he has liked on social media pops up in my head knowing that he stairs at them with no regards of my feelings just makes me want to burst out in tears I don’t know what to do I love him but he doesn’t want to stop checking out this women not even wen I asked him to and explained how I felt about it I even cried in his arms.
Andrea: THANK YOU IM SO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS. It’s not right, If I’m not looking at other men and I don’t feel like I have to, then why do you feel entitled to look at other women?? “Boys will be boys” is the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard, it’s called RESPECT. If you have to use the term “boys will be boys” to make up for your mistakes because your not loyal and don’t respect your girlfriend, then you shouldn’t have a girlfriend.
True .. true you told the truth
Beautifully said!
agree 100% !!!
I am so happy to be reading this. I have never in my life posted a comment on the internet. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said.I am desperate and I wish I could talk to someone about this..its suffocating me..This fake feminism that actually puts zero respect for women, taking away the most precious thing about a woman – her femininity. We are absolutely tolerating disgusting male behaviour patterns and they keep repeating unfortunately. Its NOT OKAY TO CHECK OUT OTHER WOMEN
Thank you, Andrea,
I am so fed up with everyone, almost telling me to suck it up, ‘men are like that.’ Well, my ex we were together for over twenty years, never was!
My current partner did oogle on two occasions when we were out and deny, get annoyed with me challenging him. Since then he has made an effort not to. But the pain of the look he gave the other women, haunts me. Before that he was THE love of my life, he tainted that!
Recently we went to a couples counselor, a man, my choosing. He asked me if I ever fancied a film idol or singer. I was so angry, it is not the same thing. I want answers, I want us both to move on, but even the counselor seems reluctant to openly discuss this as the major issue it is. He may as well have had an affair, the effect it has had on me!
Before this, I felt so happy, confident, blessed and ready to give my life to this man. Now, I feel old, tired, depressed and am considering a life alone as preferable to being second best.
My female friends too have let me down, ‘all men do it,’ ‘they are pigs.’ but ultimately we have to put up with it!
As I said earlier, I never witnessed this with my ex, we drifted apart but are still friends. Even now when we meet up for a coffee and to discuss family, he is always attentive, his eyes don’t roam.
I can’t seem to get over the hurt, disappointment, denial, and lie. The burden lies with me, this is not fair.
At least now I find I am not alone before I was beginning to question my own sanity.
Yes, the women were younger, why does society not question this. ‘Dirty old man’ is a joke that is not funny, at what age is a girl fair game? It is disgusting!
Studies show men are wired differently, it is natural! So is nose picking, scratching your ass, and a variety of other nasty habits but we discourage them from a young age. It is about time we start expecting more from men and not letting them excuse the unacceptable.
I really am happy to know I am not crazy and I a not the only girl going through this. I have been married for 17 yrs to a man I really thought I trusted. But every time we go to public place I pick out who he will ogle and try to stay cool. But we just went to a family wedding and he was ogling a new future in law. The next day I couldn’t hold back. I told him how he makes me look bad. There are two types of woman the one who likes the attention from the man or the better one who has a heart and pity’s you because your husband is a dog. Either way it makes me feel very sad and insecure. My husband then says I am jealous and make him sick. He has no respect for me and is a narcissistic. I live like this and it is very painful. I have dedicated my life to him. I ran his business and lost myself . We have such a great time until we go somewhere there is a woman who will return his gaze. Woman should stick together and turn their heads and respect the other woman. After all he would do the same to you if he does it to his wife and mother of his children. I live with regret because every time I just mention how I feel he doesn’t speak to me for at least 3 days that after he curses me out. I am not one to keep my mouth shut. But I also confront him kindly. Don’t know what to do this only happened Sunday. It hurts and I feel so alone. Thankful for you people who are sharing .
You are so right! Why do we as women bnb just have to eat it!? And with a smile to boot. Its bullshit. You tell them it hurts you so then they sneak it but because like you said they go into a trance like state they act like it’s all in ur head. They lie. And its turned on you that you’re just seeing it wrong. She just happened to be there. All this makes it worse. So it all gets messy and twisted and we question ourselves and think maybe it didnt happen that way…. bullshit we know what we saw.
I can totally relate to this. My (ex) partner was constantly checking out other women, not just a quick glance but a full on stare that made me so upset Every time & when I confronted him it would turn into an argument & he would turn it round as if it was my fault. Omg I’ve never felt so low & insecure in my life. It ended up being such an issue that the relationship broke down. He knew how much it upset me but made no effort to stop it. It’s beyond disrespectful.
Yes. I’ve thought I knew love before, I didn’t. Once I met this current partner 4 yrs ago, I knew and felt I was wrong about loving the previous men. My man now, I NVR thought there was such a thing as perfect real true love! It appeared believibly mutual. I NVR seen a man that made me look, you could put the sexiest, most fit man and RICH in front of me, I wouldn’t even notice, I can’t appreciate another’s man’s looks or material things at all. Not because they aren’t gorgeous, but because I was so in love and no one was any better than what I had in my man. So learning this wasn’t a mutual love, didn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love me, just not loving the same. And never settle for less than you give. IF I CAN LOVE ONE PERSON like I do him, then a man can love a woman just the same. SAVE IT FOR THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU LIKE U LOVE THEM. I’m about to take this advice for myself, it’s going to be the hardest thing Ill ever have to do, I’m so unhealthy attached, I have mental issues self esteem issues, jealousy. I may consider taking my life, that’s why I have to plan and prepare. So I don’t let a man who doesn’t even truley care about me, cause me to take my life. Plan ahead, us girls that are going thru this crap are obviously in love and can’t help it, we’d tell women in our shoes GET OUT, but here we stay. It’s unhealthy and I speak from experience that face I will leave is astounding. You can too. Don’t have hurt feelings God didn’t make partners for that. Love yourself first, I don’t yet, but I will.
Hi, I just logged onto this because this happened to me at a restaurant and my husband kept staring at this blonde waitress dressed head to toe in black. She looked like me when I was younger, not to brag. I have often been told I’m a stunner, but what’s the point of that when your husband or boyfriend still likes to look at younger women? It’s like we’re supposed to do whatever we can to make ourselves look good for them, but it never fucking works. I work out, put on makeup, the works, and it’s still not enough? What the fuck! So I decided to get even by talking about other guys right in front of him. My husband is fat and can’t compete with the kind of guys I’m talking about. I know this sounds really immature, but I’m a big believer in revenge instead of swallowing crap and keeping it inside. I think it’s a sign that the relationship is fucked up for sure. My god, we don’t have sex anymore, and who would want to fuck him anyway? He looks like a fat pig.
I know the feeling. My husband don’t respect me he will do it right in front of me then I ask him and he lies and says he didn’t look then it turns into my fault somehow
I’m in the same situation. My boyfriend thinks we’re getting married on Valentines Day. Well he actually stares at almost all other girls and women.He looks like he’s shopping. I feel it’s very rude and it’s an insult to me.So I’m not sure what I’m going to do because I can’t accept it and I shouldn’t. I know one thing I won’t be doing is marrying him.You can’t change someone. I guess his x girlfriend had a problem with this too. One of my friends said “maybe you can’t go out with him in public” That would be fun…not!
I feel Your pain I’m sick of My husband looking he says he loves Me that’s why I stay but it hurts so bad and they say that Women create their own insecurities That’s Bull!! I was fine with Myself until I saw him looking that’s when I felt insecure and he says I’m the only 1 who feels this way I have caught him even looking at My clothing magazines I get in the mail, looking when We go out, We used to go walking until I saw him stareing at a joggers ass which of course he said No I wasn’t he looks at girls on TV. and it makes Me uncomfortable because I know what he’s thinking ??
Hey Ann I understand what you mean. My perfect boyfriend of 3 years has been doing the same thing. It’s embarrassing especially when the women notice him doing it. I finally confronted him last night and of course he says “Me?” then said nothing afterwards making me feel like I’m crazy. I’m over it, at least don’t do it in front of me. Now I know why the ex cheated on him with the friend and I don’t blame her.
My husband and I were at huddle house,just awhile ago..every time our young waitress walked up and walked away he looked at her butt each time!!!I actually set there in front of him while he did it!!But to look at me to even carry on a conversation…well he watched a silent tv!!!!Made me mad,I finally picked up my phone. Why does he think it is ok to look at her butt not once but e every time !!!!Then always is so talkative to them!!!!
I would get rid of him dear, it will only get WORSE, I promise
So true!!!
Leave his ass. These type of men will never change. Just imagine what they are doing when you are not with them. My husband has the same problem (married for 1.5 years). One morning I followed him to his brother’s apartment complex where he was simply supose to pick up his brother for a road trip. When I saw him in the parking lot of the apartment, he was outside of his car talking to another woman (all in her face) I said what’s going on? The woman responded, he’s trying to get with me. I was furious!! I should have known better than to marry this man. He is unable to control himself.
I am reading all of these messages. I stsrted Dating a man 69 in March i am 60 he seemed like the dream.
In June we were watching tv and he said nice tits about a woman on tv .
I let It slid.
Later maybe a few weeks i took my shirt off and he put his hands on my breasts and said i have had them smaller and I have Had them bigger. I said nice i take off my suirt and you think about your ex”s? And i grabbed between his legs and said i have had them smaller and I have Had them bigger you are a little below average I loke Them big and fat.
We were walking out of a winery and he about tripped over himself and embarrassed me in front of my friends trying to get a look at a young woman with a low cut top on.
When I said Something in the car he yelled and said he did not only to confess a week later.
My granddaughter picked up hid phone and saw 25 of the sexist hollowed costumes and said wow she is pretty and he swore for days he didn’t know how they got on his phone. And now she doesn’t want to be around him. And i will respect that.
He has lied to me about stupid things. And always confesses later. He says his womanizing and lying is habits and he can change. He is in counseling now every week. There is much more in 7 months.
When I break It off he begs me says he wants to marry and be the kind of man I want Him to be. Hell we are old I didnt Think i would have to deal with dealing with a man at this age.
It should be easy and calm.
No catching him in lies and him confessing and tripping over his feet looking at woman.
We have so much in common and I will Miss his companionship but I could Never go out in public with him, the beach or a movie. I wont Have my large breasted or young girlfriends over because i feel he is staring them down. I know I need To listen to my gut, something is just not right. And he will not back off.
Opinions please.
I Feel The Same Way You Feel. Because I Get The Same Treatment I Have Done All I Can I’m Loyal To You All The Time Why Should There Be Any Reason For You To Look At Another Woman In Front Of Me? Then Get Mad About It N Flips The Script On Me.
so how about the muslim rule that women have to cover up? why cant we help the men respect us by respecting our fellow women and not showcase our beauty to every man out there? why cant we just help each other and cover up so neither my husband will see your beauty and make me jealous and at the same time i will not show my beauty to your husband by so making you jealous and cause you problems in your marriage?
Well said
Please, all that says is that it’s a woman’s responsibility to make sure that a man is not a jerk, he shouldn’t be expected to control himself. Gross.
The ‘logic’ of this beggars belief, but I’ll pose some questions in return. Why can’t a certain type of man cover up his idiocy? Why can’t he take responsibility? Why do you blame other women for their existence, let alone attractiveness? And finally, why don’t you realise that all the covering-up in the world cannot and will not stop men looking, thinking, disrespecting if they so wish to?
Women are more disrespected in that culture than in ours so walking around in a bed sheet is not going to help the problem. Men do check out women dressed scantily more but they also check out women that are dressed conservatively. I believe that men and women are both responsible for this bad behavior. It is socially accepted in our culture when it should not be! It is a disrespectful thing to do to everyone involved. Even the men are disrespecting themselves when they act this way. But men are making excuses for their bad behavior and women are putting up with it because we feel like we have to. My husband stares at other women and we fight about it constantly. It’s just about the only thing we really do fight about but I will not accept it! And when other men stare at me to an uncomfortable point when I am out I always make sure they know I see them and give them dirty looks. We all have to stop letting it slide or ignoring it. This is a respect issue.
So many women suffer from this abuse from men. I promise they know what they are doing.
They have been perverts since they were 18 or so. Why do we choose men like this. Maybe we are sick and think we don’t deserve better. All of your friends and his friends know what he does, They make the women they are married to or date look as sick as he it. If anyone says it is ok and suck it up he is not hurting anyone then they have a man that is a pervert too and don’t want to admit that they have a problem as big as his.
This is horrible. I use to think mine was bad
I just felt horrible when I read your post. I honestly believed I had it bad, but obviously not. My husband does not go and follow a pretty girl, but I will find him looking trying not to be obvious, or to be a prick he will make a comment if there is a pretty girl oh wow she is pretty just to piss me off. But after reading your post I realized I have not caught my husband following a girl and I felt horrible for you. However I did find my husband uploading his photo to a site with females.
I obviously caught him and had dates and times and he tried to deny it but couldn’t. Then he admitted that he went on there and uploaded a photo to see if he would get any “likes”. He said that he did it for his ego as I made him feel like I didnt him. Ha ha to me it sounds like an excuse, but whatever, he played with fire and I obviously got him back by going on a date with an actual person and told him.
You can imagine the embarrassment he felt and that I did it to get back at him for hurting me and making me feel “unattractive” and to boost my ego since he had to boost his. Now obviously this put him in check to the fact that hey my wife is attractive and I can lose her. We worked on our marriage and were stronger than ever, well so I thought!
3 years later and I catch him doing the same thing.
Now do I retaliate and do what I did before? Or do I confront him? Or do I leave? Well I don’t want to retaliate been there done that, so I confronted and he denied of course and is now worried what I might do.
I am not going to do anything this time, but now I really need to decide do I get over it or leave? I hate the idea of being disrespected because he knows how much he hurt me before. But does he really care about my feelings or is just worried about my revenge?
I hate being disrespected! I get it, everyone looks everyone finds someone attractive that’s human nature, but don’t do it in front of your partner or don’t get caught.
Yes I do feel for you as your partner has followed girls, but hey has mine learned?
The point to my rant is we either accept it and move on, or we don’t accept it and come up with a concrete plan to leave. Revenge isn’t the answer, it’s either stay or leave.
I would’ve been left him. I have no tolerance for that type of thing. I wouldn’t have even retaliated. I just would’ve left.
Me and my partner was out on a day trip with our 21month daughter and he spotted a women with kids and decided you keep stared at her where ever she walked !! I was getting soooo upset that my heart was beating sooo fast that it was hard to breathe . After we moved to a different area of the Owl Sanctuary i decided i told him that he hurt me from staring at the woman as he could sense i was getting moody and he replyed “for f### sake i may as well be blind if i can’t look ” he said that it was all in my head and that i always have to ruin a nice day out. I can’t have a relationship like this anymore as we never have any type of conversation anyway. I feel stupid to end the relationship. Plus i have been in a relationship for 18yrs before. And i feel it is breaking me again. He won’t talk about this or anything personal . I just want to end it but not sure what to say ?
Mine takes pictures of women..to show me her dress..so he thinks I would look good in!bs
Wow! I’m sorry but, how dumb does he think you are to buy that BS?
I get chased by men, yes – CHASED right in front of their wives. It’s so interesting how the wife will literally run behind their mate while their mate is running behind me. He’s trying to grab me, and she’s trying to grab him.
She’s screaming at him to “stop it”! While he’s hell bent on trying to get a hold of me.
If any woman on this forum understands what i’m talking about, it is scary. But what’s even scarier? Is when i finally get in a safe place – like the ladies room, a crowd of people, security guard, or near a cop? The guy stops, but.. The woman STILL goes home with that guy.
Sounds like my husband so I feel your pain
I agree, I wouldn’t tolerate any kind of disrespect, I make it known from the start. Checking out other women, when with me or not, says a lot about a man. Not all men do it. Life is not meant to feel less than…when you truly Love someone, you respect them.
Donna… you are too right. I’m having the same problem myself and I’m thinking about divorcing him because of it. I love him very much, but I’m tired of the disrespect. I hate it more when he denies it. The worst part is he does this around our close friends and its more embarrassing. I try to talk to him three different times and all he does is yells, screams, and punches holes in the walls. He has an anger issue and won’t do anything about it. I think its just best I divorce, and never marry again. I can do bad all by myself, I don’t need anyone making me feel worse than I do. I also want to add…I’m not over weight, i get compliments all the time about my looks from men and woman. I’m everything he wants….why is he being so greedy????
Wow sounds exactly like my boyfriend, i have been with him 5 years and know him since i was 10 im now 27, he totally denies it what pisses me off even more then get angry and says im the problem. He does it every single time we step out of the house! I exercise regularly im in great shape and get complimented all the time so i tell myself why does he feel the need to break him head to look and any dam thing walking by! very aggravating. I honestly just want to break up with him!
My husb and I have been together a very long time.We have a lot to be thankful for, however, 2and a half years ago, i found out he had been talking/txting an ex neighbor.She is literally ignorant,fat and known to be basically a whore.He said they just talked. I asked her and she said he asked her for sex and to not tell me or our grown daughters.he said I was lying she said that.We fought ,and left next day he came home crying for us to be closer.we went at it all nightcrying,screaming..I went to ER and while i was there he had talked to this woman and another i found out later.2 days later I saw a txt and he cried there was a woman he had been seeing,he didnt know why,hes sorry it was all amistake and he doesnt want us to part.We stayed together however it has affected my life and health terribly.he is now retired always home.IThese women are hefers ,bottle blond, I am slim,long hair attractive and he told therapist he thought I was great,beautiful,smart ,kind,great wife and mother. I constantly catch him gawking at any female 15 or 60 doesnt matter,we could be out to dinner,at a store,he obviously is gawking! Ive talked to him about this, and he says im lying,im tormeting him and hes sick of it!.What elese can I do,?! I told him it hurts me .He gives me the cold shoulder and is crappy to me, I worry he will walk out, but it isnt fair I should keep my feelings to myself .HELP!!
I forgot to add,hishe was with the 2nd woman mentioned,for at least 2 years.Our daughters found her fb where she gushed like a teen about my husband BY NAME!!.Pictures of flowers,cards,a limo ride to a concert he bought her tickets for,and they came to our house when I asked about them he said he helped a guy at work get tickets bc he didnt have a credit card,I found out later they were for her. To this day he says hes sorry, he doesnt know what happened ,how he went wrong,he cried to our grown daughters apologized as well. But his actions currently concern me.MY HEALTH IS SUFFERING. even though he no longer has a phone or job,and hes home. HE DENIES WHAT I SEE WITH MY OWN EYES! THENHE PUNISHES ME FOR MENTIONING IT,SAYS HES SICK OF ME TORMENTING HIM ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE!!HELP!!!
Leave him! That’s awful he’s making you suffer and you’re allowing yourself to take it by staying and being walked on and taken advantage of. He sounds toxic. Raise your standards and self worth. No one deserves that.
I would t say anything focus on doing things for u looking pretty buying new clothes smile at all people especially men
Going through these comments I see we can all relate to the exact. Same. Fucking. Thing. And the question is, why do we stay? Because during other times he’s good? He’s kind? He does nice things like buy you flowers? Makes you feel pretty the odd time or compliments you? And then says he’s so good to you, when in fact you have caught him literally starring at multiple other women? I stay with my boyfriend and I can’t leave him because I love him and I’m hopelessly devoted to him. I spend all of my time ensuring his happiness, I get dressed up for him, (I’m a very attractive female I have a great body and long black hair guys seem to love me.. except him when we’re out in front of other women.) I have done many things to show him I still love him and appreciate him, I go out of my way to solve his problems, to take the weight of the world off his shoulders and on to my own just to seem him happy for awhile. He knows from day one I will not tolerate checking out other women while we are together, as I came to realize at a young age that every man does this. The sad thing is, is that he lies about it, gets so angry with me, tells me I’m crazy and that it’s all in my head, but we are smart creatures, and we can tell a mile away when a man is looking at us. It’s not any different when our partner is a foot away from us looking at the very attractive women. And it’s embarassing for us because we know she realizes it. We can all feel eyes. It hurts me so much because sometimes he screams, hollers, gets mad, creates a scene, and then lies to me! I just want him to admit it and to apologize and to try not to do it again!! It’s not even hard! I’m a female and I’m horomonal and want sex all different times of the day, I never once had the urge to look/stare at another man when we’re together. I always respected him because to me he’s all I think is beautiful in this world. He will stare at a mom walk by, he will keep his eyes on any women when ever we’re out, aside from that he’s a great boyfriend! But the amount of pain and suffering he puts me through when he does that, I tried routing to other methods such as checking out other men, looking them up online, but there was one problem. They weren’t him. It’s sad when one day I realized he will never think that about them. They’re not her. In fact that’s what excites him, is that they’re different, new, from me. He finally admitted to checking ones out months later I had confronted him about, and the fact that he was so capable of lying, I can’t trust him to even walk out of the house without drooling over another woman. There’s only one room for lust in your heart, and that should be the woman you vowed to and promised to love. If not then might as well stay single. Because that’s how you look. And his friends get mad at me and tell me I’m crazy.
Not to mention he tells me he has stopped and hasn’t done it in over 6 months yet it’s still noticeable today! When he tries to even tell me I’m beautiful there’s really no point because he shattered that self esteem I once had. I’m spending the night at his place tonight and I can’t stay happy for a second without thinking about it. I’m completely shattered. Not to mention all teenage lesbian porn (I’m 18), and all of the models on instagram and naked girls dancing on videos, and hiding it from me. If I’m everything you say, then why can’t I be everything completely, why do you need more from other women?
So I chose to wear my best, do my hair and make up, put on my favourite heels, bat my eyes at the men that walk by and hold his hand a second later and look into his eyes and tell him I love him, of course this isn’t like me, but when we go out a night of fun for me is all I need to soon realize he’s human too and has feelings. Maybe this will change his perception of things. Hopefully. Experiment this Friday
UGH! It is always disrespectful! Women need to stop thinking that men check out women like women do. Has anyone noticed their girlfriend “checking out” another woman? NO! This is because women look and move on. If you noticed him looking it most likely means he was moving beyond what is appropriate.
So much to say, ive been there, family and friends say you desere better. you almost regret telling them because your not ready to leave him. you have to stay till you’ve had a belly full. If theres no children involed its yourself that suffers. If you do have children its our responibilty to teach our daughters this not ok, a man should make them feel like they are the only ones and teach our sons to respect women and visversa. if we don’t, our children watch and what are we teaching them? It hurts to break up, and you’ll cry for a while, but not forever. you will hurt for as long as you stay in an emotionly abusive relationship. There are good guys out there, seems that they are far and few between but they are out there. If he realy cares, he will stop or try a heck of alot harder. If not, you will have to put up with whatever he dishes you until your full of it or, look the other way and ignore it. We are all beautiful, dont give someone 100% of your love, honesty and loyality if they dont apprieciate and return it. No matter how much you love someone, if they dont want to change or try, your love wont change them. Be with the kind of person that treats you the way you would want your child to be reated in a relationship. love, peace and strength! god bless!
I have read and heard many theories on why men feel the “need” to look at other women. Although I have heard all of the variation I still find myself searching for an answer I have seen a hundred times. Personally my situation might be a tad different since I am married to a sex addict. I know some do not agree with the term but he attends meetings, counseling, and reads literature to assist him with his lusting. His therapist considered his behavior to be a more extreme response to visual stimulation than normal men. It becomes a habit and a compulsion. Personally, because of his lusting after porn stars, models, and women in the real world it has left me feeling very insecure. However, when we are out in public he has learned not to have his “head on a swivel” but I still feel very self conscious. It makes me resent going out in public with him even though he has overcome that particular problem. At this point I feel like I am the one constantly judging other women and thinking to myself that he probably checked her out too. I want to rid myself of jealousy but it is challenging when so many times him acting out has led me to feel that I am never enough.
Getting married in June and I witnessed my fiance checking out the nice rear end of a young lady not once but three times while out at a restaurant yesterday. I was going to let it go at the first time but not after the three. I told him I saw this and his initial response was denial and then “why was I getting upset? He was going home with me.” Oh I see, that’s supposed to make it better? It’s suppose to make it ok?? No it doesn’t; I told him it’s disrespectful and hurtful. It was actually our first big argument. I was stunned at his reaction. He was defensive which told me he knew he’d messed up. An hour later after calming down we talked again and he apologized and came right out and admitted that yes he’d checked her butt out several times and there was no excuse for it. I’m 57 and after being single for almost seven years this man came into my life and I love him more than ever. His “slip” yesterday really ticked me off and today I’m irritated and knowing him like I do I sincerely believe him and his apology. I am glad I didn’t let it simmer inside… We’ve always been great communicators. I wanted to nip this right away and glad I did. He knows my position and how I feel. I still want to give him a good yank on the ear though. ?
I have to say I’ve only ever dated one guy that would stare at every woman wherever we went and it was disgusting. I finally got tired and went up to a woman and let her know that my boyfriend was totally into her and would she come over and say hi. She came over and caused the biggest scene in the restaurant, told him what a jerk he was and that his ugly ass should be lucky that any woman would even want to be with him. She took my hand, smiled and said your coming with me!
Well done!!!
So demanding respect means men have to work for women in your eyes. What seems to be dodged is that men release the happiness drug in there brains when they see an attractive women. I have a girlfriend and while I make sure not to look at women it’s reppresive to think men should repress their natural for you, he doesn’t clean the yard or house? So you want him to live for you and that’s not fair either. Work to live, not live to work, spend the time together and become more interested and possibly in more love and even though he doesn’t have to, he may try to do these things for you despite going against his natural. People wonder why men have mental problems, we’re expected to go against our inner selves, made to feel innately wrong and to what… work the rest of our lives for someone that values the yard and house clenliness over time for love and happiness. Makes me sick.
This is the most ridiculous statement I’ve ever heard. By that logic, women’s instinct is to only mate with the most superior of males and give zero **** about the rest of you, so if we weren’t repressing our “natural instincts”, only about 1% of you idiots would be getting any.
Also, if your human brain can’t control your animal instincts, go live with the chimps, dude.
Ah, the ‘natural’ argument again. Unfortunately I as a female have to repress my instincts too because they bring male disapproval on my head; can’t walk alone where I wish at night because of uncontrolled criminal males, etc. etc. Perhaps I should permit the devastation of someone’s infidelity towards me because it is considered ‘natural’? I had one partner have a meltdown on me because I answered honestly about the SINGLE DIGIT amount of lovers I’d had; a very low number, but I still got grief and most women will lie to you and reduce it even further because of double standards. Plenty of women have mental problems brought about by ridiculous, incessant pressures and expectations from entitled males who then get angry when they are rightly challenged. Please do think it through.
As a man I can tell you that I am completely devoted to my wife and I don’t check out other women. Never cared to.
our sex life is great and communicate very well. Except for the fact that she checks out good looking men when we’re together.
I have confronted her on this and she denies it when clearly she is doing it.
I am 6’4″ 250 bodybuilder and I attract alot of attention from women but I dont give it back.
I feel like I’m not enough for her and have begun to withdraw from our relationship. I’m unmotivated because I feel like I’m not the man she wants…she wants what she looks like.
When she calls me handsome it makes me feel like she’s saying it to stroke my ego.
So ladies…..some times it’s your own actions that make a man check out other women so he can feel validated because you dont validate him enough.
Im devoted to my partner. I have no desire to look at other men. He is all i want and i love him so.
I understand where your coming from because we are the same and your wife sounds like my husband.
He calls me beautiful and gorgeous but….
He checks out other girls and makes me feel like I’m not good enough too.
I work out i keep fit and fitter than he is so why does he finds other women attractive.
I just don’t gt it.
I wish I was born that way. I find it extremely difficult to believe that a man won’t look at other woman just because they are married or have a partner. This is a LIE.
This guy said he doesn’t do it? He is a liar. Or he is not 100% man. Well he actually complains about things that woman would normally do. That is how it is. I love my wife, I’ve never been unfaithful but I do see, recognize and admire beauty on other woman, which doesn’t mean I want them over my wife.
She is just crazy, I have to lie to her so she doesn’t go crying like if I cheated on her when she ask me if I think ‘if that girls is attractive’.
i agree but pisses me off is when they lie
No she’s not crazy. You’re a insensitive as*.
I guarantee you if the shoe was on the other foot it would bother you too.
You’re not a very loving husband if you can’t control yourself to spare your wife’s feelings and refrain from looking.
Your mentality is off and yours out of line for calling her crazy.
I’m hurting, my bf constantly commenting on these women that he sees on FB. He tells me they’re just compliments, but still, if you’re going around telling these women they’re “incredible” “gorgeous”, etc. why do try even bother to be in a relationship. He tells me I’m the only woman he wants but still, for him to be complimenting these “so called friends” of his on FB hurts me. What do I do. I can’t help myself but to wonder if I’m really am the only one.
I think that if a man is in a relationship n say “you’re all I want” then they shouldn’t even focus or even dare to look at another woman. Their eyes should just be in “you”. I hurt n I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him off or just learn to deal with it?!
Tell him off, he’s a fuckboy, I’m telling you from experience!
If he loves you, he’ll respect you and not do it. He can admire and not comment, I would accept that. I’m not sure what your take is on that. But I personally wouldn’t deal with it. Know your worth! A true man will respect you!
ufffffffffff 100%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I love my guy so much, but my body is ruined and gross and like i’ll see him stop and check out a girl on tv, watch other girls or something that is practically naked and just look at her, instantly i feel like killing myself and that i wish i was better looking, after sex, we dont lay together or anything we just have sex, roll over, get dressed and go on. I want to lay with my partner after or just have him hold me, but doesnt usually go like that so afterwards I feel worse. Like I wasnt good enough for him. I’ve been in several horrible relationships, this one treats me good and says good things to me always but I don’t feel it. He’s amazing. I know its all just “TV” or whatever and that yes I’m the one he is in bed with every night, and that is a great feeling, but when you emotionally dont feel good inside, its not the same. If two people are in love as much as they say they are,no other person no matter what should come between them like stated above in other comments, if you have confronted your partner that these things hurt you, and they now know it does they should not do it any more if they truly love and respect you. I have hours more of shit to vent lol but im going for now Heather Marie
Tell him off girl or give him a tast of his own medication
That’s OK my boyfriend likes to look at other women shaking their butts, half naked women while we’re having some fun in bed. I’ve tried talking to him about it and that it really hurts my feelings. He does say that it’s what men do yes correct if you single. I don’t like to look at other men. Why would I. I’d rather look at my boyfriend. He used to sneak behind my back and go on fb talk all dirty to these other women and we both cheated on each other but almost 2 years ago and he was talking dirty to the girl that he cheated on me with. He would also watch porn while we were having fun and gets off with it. Doesn’t pay attention to me or nothing. He says I’m here with you. OK but would about his phone. He would lie to me about it especially if he looks at them in the bathroom. I just don’t understand why he still does this. I’m to the point to where I don’t want to have fun cause he prefers his phone over me. And both of us get along great towards one another.
If you continue to put up with that kind of disrespect, that is all you will ever get. Dump him. You are worth so much more than that
He’s an inconsiderate jerk
She is not crazy. She has been wired to be loved and cherished.
I had the same problem and told him repeatedly how his comments to women he doesn’t even know on his FB made me feel when it shows up on my newsfeed, finally just blew up and have deleted and blocked him…his chances are over.
Dear women hurt too,
wow! It sounds like I could’ve wrote what you just wrote here. I’ve confronted my husband about “looking” at other women, and all I get is “I don’t look, you’re beautiful and all I need”. Well if i’m all that he says why does he get whiplash whenever a female walks by! Why do we have to walk by all the magazines and calendars with swimsuit models on them and don’t forget we got to go down the isle that has all the workout videos and stuff too, can’t forget that. I hate to go out in public with him, he makes me feel like a dog! Oh and here’s a blast:: hes a preacher!! I dont like going to church either cause hes scoping out the room soon as we get there, and when he finds what hes looking for , he cant keep his eyes off her the whole time.
I wish I knew what to do, but theres nothing to do unless he goes blind. Then maybe I would be beautiful and all he needs. I’m sorry for you and all us other women that have to go through this. Maybe one day they’ll wake up and realize what they do have.
The women here concerned about this action don’t seem to be what you describe. They are genuinely hurt.
I validate my man completely.
Do everything for him.
But he still feels the need to go online and look other women..
I’m not unattractive not loving myself but we go out and he can’t help himself.
I only caught him on shit yesterday.
Breaks my heart….
Y be with someone if you want to do that shit.
I don’t get it…
Then he blames everything on me in fact it’s him….
I wish all men were like you and could be this way. I feels it’s disrespectful both ways my boyfriend checks out every girl that walks by up and down. He says it’s better he does it in my face then behind my back. We have a 4 month old son and I realize this isn’t the man I would want my son to learn from. But I also come from a broken family and wasn’t trying to have my son going back and forth between parents. I’m still with him but. I don’t want to. I truelly don’t disrespect him by looking at other men. But for him it’s okay. But then he also tells me I have to cover up my body. But I feel your looking at half naked bitches but I can’t wear shorts and tank top. Or see thru shit at the beach. Or certain bathing suit but you can look at literally every girls ass and titties as people walk by. I hate this.
This might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. This relationship is obviously not going well and has nothing to do with whether you are “are the problem because of your sex”.
What a refreshing reply. There are always rare men like you out there, regardless of what weaker men are bleating. I really do wish you the best of luck because trust me, you are sheer class and there are plenty of women who would appreciate your attitude.
I believe men have a natural instinct to procreate, they always look at women pre-programmed. My boyfriend did the same thing. I mentioned it’s disrespectful keep it up, and you will loose me. Have some manners when I am with you i did give it right back and stared at good looking men. But men really are primitive creatures
My husband looks at women for the pul pit in church he just stares it’s embarrassing.if we are out shopping he smiles and turned around. and looks as the woman passes. when i say something he says i look but don’t touch that really hurts
Hi girl, i know just who you fill but the devil’s busy we have to pray for the men of cloth to,we all have sin and fell short of the glory of God
Hi Maj, my case is a bit different. About looking or even flirt other women, my BF does. And somehow I tolerate. But one day I found out he text his colleague and both of them reciprocately said “love you miss you very much and send eachother pictures ” He said sorry, he said he would not do that again. He said it was just flirt play that he didn’t really mean love or miss her. He deleted all his message to her. How to make sure he really have no relationship with this woman or he is still cheating on me
Hello there,
I am married and I have recently found out that someone I normally talk to just as friends as he owns a business and I go shopping there, he admires me. He is also married and has children. We are friends to the point where we talk just about normal things nothing more and there is no communication beyond that but it was uncomfortable when I saw him checking me out from head to toe when I was with my husband. He knows I am married and my husband was just looking back at him.
My husband has done this for years. I am at the point that I don’t want to go out in public with him alone. He calls it responding to attractiveness. In other words, his God given right. Any advice?
I too do not enjoy going out with my husband, as there is often a female issue that we end up fighting about. We are unequally yoked- I am Christian and he is not. It causes some major disagreements and tensions. Somehow I get stronger, especially when I know that I am not alone. God loves me dearly and would never do anything to tear me down. So glad i have reached this conclusion.
I’m in the same boat. I avoid public places with him. Married 3 years and ready to jump ship for peace and freedom from how he makes me feel.
Looking at other women is not wrong.. Apart from this..How he is with u, how good/bad he is leading his family r very important
Looking at other women is not wrong
Actually every male will do so
What if you have a boyfriend, and he says he’s happy with you, and treats you well, but still asks his buddys, who are in there 60s, so is he, to send him naked pics of a 20 year old girl, right in front of you, how are you suppose to feel now? This is what’s happening to me, and I’m not exactly ugly, I’m only 53
Only disrespectful, self centered, uncaring jerks act this way. Not a very good man “leading his family” by bad example and chauvanist c by treating women as objects. There is no logic in your comment.
I dont feel like going out with my partner anywhere. I get too upset especially when he does the sneaky look & denies it. At 1st he couldnt keep his eyes & hands off me . I felt important & wonderful. 7 years on Ive put on a little weight & thats it. Sometimes I think I would feel better if we just separated.It hurts when the man you love makes you feel 2nd best.
This can really be hell for women especially if they are already jealouse. I am lucky to live in a secular muslim country where women dont nececary wear muslim coverage but normal outfit, yet still mostly they care to wear modest enough. They look beautiful but they are not sexualy provocating with miniskirts and deep cleavage (at least the majority isnt)..I myself am European but I really dont know if I can live in European country (or USA, Canada..) because of this issue. I trust my partner and I know he loves me..and actually I think his behaving is pretty good too and respectful. But if there would be miniskirts and hot pants everywhere..even he would not be able not to look. I give respect to all you women who are battling this. I think I would not be able to stand or just may be.
I’m with you ladies on this one! Quite a lot of men out there not only checkout other women, but they imagine them while having sex with their partner… This massively disturbed me when i found out.
I see it as unfaithfulness to think of someone els while having sex with my partner. I personally think todays date of mankind is screwed! Especially with the porn industry and social media.
Amen !thank god that the porn industry is scarred with trump as president
Men also think that watching porn is their god given right, even when they’re in a relationship. HOW DID THIS BECOME AN ACCEPTABLE THING? And why are girl tolerating it just because “boys will be boys”?!? NO. Respectful boys will only need their woman to get them off, not some nasty slut having fake sex on the internet
My comment on the subject is this: I’ve talked to my significant other about this. I expect a man to be a man and we’re all humans whom re-act. However I feel respect should always be expected and given. When we’re together outside I may see an attractive man but I am not going to make it obvious that I like what I see if I am with him because I’m with him and proud to be. It should be the same with him. Of course there are plenty of other attractive women out there that will be seen but if he’s with me then that’s where his eyes and attention should be directed. I’ve seen other men turn around to look at another woman when they are with their significant other (some with kids) and I automatically think negatively of them… like how is your woman supposed to feel? I’ve seen some men do that with me. If a man see’s a couple and he finds the woman attractive, say something nice to her man. That should really boost his ego instead of showing disrespect by trying to sneak a peek at her wiggle. Both people should be proud not disrespected IMHO.
You are so right CLS!! Me and my husband of 27 yrs were out somewhere and this man just kept staring at me, and boy hubby did not like that! But its fine for him to break his neck whenever a female walks by, just no men can look at me! Makes me sick! I wonder if every man on earth are pigs! I hate going out and he wonders why duh!! He bout jumps out of the car whenever we drive by a billboard, gas station, store, car wash and something funny here: when we had a small car we’d stay in the fast lane, but now we have a van and we drive in the slow lane so every car that passes he has to look down in it to see if theres a woman there. Makes me sick!! Whenever he goes to town I’ll with hold sex for a couple days, sorry but I’m not being used for his lustful eyes. Hes not going to go looking at some half naked bimbo and cone home to me. Nope! He would have a fit if I went to a male strip club and come home and wanted him. He would say that all those men turned me on, well its no different than him going off and looking at God knows what. I try turning and looking at men while were out but you know, hes so busy looking for himself that he doesn’t even see me looking . Its heartbreaking, I wish I knew what to do . But my heart cant take much more, just hope my boys dont grow up to be like that. Im trying to raise them to have respect for women and treat them like human beings not a piece of meat. Were all in this together. Does anyone have any suggestions? ??
Go to college (establish goals) so that you can eventually support yourself. I just finished my degree and I’m in my late 50’s!
That is exactly what I’m doing right now. I’m 30 years old with three kids. My youngest will be starting pre-school this year! So now I can finally go back to school! I will be starting school too! I’m so sick and tired of his staring
problems. They say that the men who do this without them even really caring are cheaters and I do believe this is true. I found out he cheated on me a couple months ago. I’ve caught him on sites before in the past and he would lie and say it’s junk mail. He helps out financially and is nice most of the time but I feel like I deserve way more. The fact that he cheated on me says it all. I don’t want to be with someone like that. He suggested counseling and told me that he loved me and this and that but he still has the nerve to STARE. No thanks. It’s like he tries to play it off but he keeps looking back and he thinks he’s being sneaky. Smh. On top of that we only have sex once a week and all he cares about is himself. It seems like he just has me around for his use because after he’s done he rolls over and doesn’t like to be bothered. He’s not very affectionate and doesn’t compliment me either. I feel that if you really want to be with me then freakin show me!! I’ve told him that all he’s doing is pushing me further and further away and that it’s going to get to the point where I want absolutely nothing to do with him anymore and I think I’m already there and it seems like he doesn’t really care but at the same time he’s so jealous that he is always looking at my phone like paranoid that I’m talking to someone. I tell myself I wish I would have left him a long ass time ago but whatever it’s done and over with. I know I can find someone who truly loves me and respects me and shows me how a woman should be treated.
every man look at a nother woman wat dose my head in is when they i didnt look at that woman or bum or boobs well ya did dnt lie
Let me start off by saying I am not a jealous person by any means what so ever having said that here it goes. A couple of days ago I was looking through my husband’s phone and not because I was checking up on him but because he was driving and ask me if I could search for a specific destination he had saved on his phone so in doing so I came across some very provocative sites and I couldn’t help myself but Wonder. So later on that night I went on a full-blown detective mode. I started searching the history on his phone his entire history and let me just say, it wasn’t porn but there was women that were nude and had little to no clothes on by the looks of it, it looked like it was a chatting site the girls had provocative pictures and gave a brief summary of themselves. Now as I said before I am not a jealous person I have actually seen my husband looking at other girls while he is with me and it does not bother me at all I’ve also seen other girls checking out my husband and giving him flirty eyes and smiles and it hasn’t bothered me because to me I’ve always thought it was normal, human nature if you will but for some reason I was quite bothered and frankly a little jealous and I don’t know why, so my question is this. So is it okay for a husband to look at other women in very provocative nude pictures or I’m I just reading to much into this? I would definitely hate to bring this up to his attention because I think it would put us in an awkward position but I can’t help and wonder why out of all the things that I have actually witnessed, pictures would make me feel insecure. If anyone out there is reading this and you have some words of advice please feel free to do so I am kind of lost because I really don’t know how to react to this scenario thank you very much
Hi there- well, all I can say is this- you have been wired to feel loved and cherished, so don’t be surprised when you start feeling uncomfortable or jealous. It happens to all women at some point. You are beautiful inside and out and the one person who feels this way about you the most is God. But it does help to have a loving boyfriend or spouse, doesn’t it? Please know you are not alone. No one is perfect. Keep up the good work. I know you must be trying.
It’s completely natural for you to feel jealous and uncomfortable when your partner shows interest in other women – whether by looking when he’s out, or by looking at nude or nearly nude photos. We have been brainwashed to think this is normal male behaviour and that we are controlling when it bothers us. No. It’s not natural male behaviour and it is completely natural for you to feel jealous. I’m so sick of people letting men off the hook and bullying women into ignoring their natural gut instincts! If you turned the tables around and checked out other men every time you’re out, or used nearly nude or nude pictures of men – your man would feel so jealous! He is lying if he says he wouldn’t. Don’t put up with it ladies! You’re all worth so much more. The excuse of men “naturally” needing to do this is first of all a cop out, so men never have to be vulnerable and commit fully to one woman (they have full control of the relationship as he is not as invested as her), and secondly, a way to pitch women up against each other. Don’t stand for it.
True.
Come on. If your driving around in your chevrolet, are you going to not look at the Ferrari that just cruised by. Even if you have a ferrari, do you not admire the lamborgini that passed you. Gain some confidence in your relationship. Dont suppress your husband. If you see a hot woman tell your husband, wow, isn’t she beautiful. Believe me he will love you for it and admire you more for relating to him. Your are his wife and his friend. If he was with his buddies do you not think they don’t say damn that’s hot when a hot woman cruises by. Show him the strength of your relationship by having the confidence in it to be able to call things what they are. It will make it stronger. Why make him fake it and lie for fear of you cutting off his balls. Call it what it is, be his friend and allow your relationship to open up and grow. If my wife got Pissed everyone I noticed a beautiful flower in a garden I’d be living a suppressed life. He’s not going to go pick it or take it home. If your not doing this today, try it. Take the handcuffs off your husband and grow your relationship or get counseling cause you need to work on your self confidence.
Damn that was good advice! I just thought by you complementing the other woman may make him notice her more.
No sorry, don’t listen to this ladies. First of all – don’t compare a woman to a car. A woman is not an object. She is not an object of lust or desire. A woman is a living, breathing human, with human feelings. Not a piece of metal (or meat) to ride. Secondly, it is not suppressing a man to ask him not to check out other women! What a load of tosh. This is outright has lighting – making a woman feel ashamed and guilty for her completely natural feelings of jealousy when a man reacts that way. If your woman was to check out every hot guys hat walks past, I highly doubt you would feel secure in your relationship, or feel sexy or wanted. If a man is like that even with his buddies, he’s not a “man”, he’s just a little boy in a man’s costume that has to act big and macho by objectifying women. Thirdly, maybe men should strengthen their relationships with their partner and with women in general – by seeing them as actual human beings with feelings, thoughts and desires, rather than just pretty things to look at. Maybe men should cherish and feel lucky to have the woman he has by his side, rather than making her feel like a second rate citizen. Why is it up to the woman to ignore her own perfectly natural feelings, and objectify other women to make her man happy?! That’s like gighschool logic. Why can’t a man just refrain from ogling women and put his energy into making his partner feel cherished? There’s something wrong with a man who always has to notice and look at other women – he’s not fully present in life, he’s not comfortable or fully present with himself and his owner feelings and he’s certainly not fully resent in his relationship. Do what you wish, and if you find a woman who is genuinely happy for you to do this – then fine. But don’t go acting like all women should be fine, and gas lighting women to think it’s their own problem. I feel very sorry or any woman who is fed this stuff and made to feel she is wrong. Have more faith and love for yourself ladies – if it eels wrong. It more than likely is. Don’t settle for second best you’d be better off being alone and loving your life carefree, than feeling like a second rate piece of meat with your significant other. This objectification of women has to stop.
i totally agree with you
Artielcs like this make life so much simpler.
Samantha, I can not express how your words touched me to the core. You are absolutely on point!
Not all men look and not all women look and this society today has made it like a normal thing. No it is not, we as human has evolved and we can eliminate this kind of mind set and attitude. It is disgusting to objectify people, full stop. It is not okay, not right and not normal.
I for one suffer from this and kept feeling insecure about myself and thought it was me but now I learnt that no it’s not me, it’s him. If he didn’t do those things, I would not be feeling this way. I think when you truly love someone it’s everything mentally, emotionally and visually.
I get men looking at me and I feel disgusted by it. It’s embarrassing and degrading and it’s bloody none of their business how I look. Keep your eyes to yourself because weather men or women I am sure they don’t enjoy being watched like they are a meal.
Those people who stares and watch other people, show some respect to yourself, your partner and for the person you are looking at!
I expressed this to my partner, we are currently going through a rough patch involving this. I told him if he feels that this kind of action is okay, that is fine but he needs to be honest with me because I can not accept being in a relationship like that nor want to be in one, it is okay if he does but do it on his own without emotionally and mentally tormenting me because that is just unfair. I said to him he has to be honest because do we both want to be in a relationship where we argue and about this all the time? it will just cause grief for us both. He told me that he doesn’t want to be this way and is trying his best to break this habit, I for one still suffer when he falls back into routine and I do know it takes time and he genuinely wants to change BUT now I am asking myself do I want to stick around and wait for him to fix that habit and suffer here and there while waiting for him to learn respect. Right now I am hurt by it and do not want to feel this way anymore. I will stay for now and see if I can bring myself to be patient, if not it’s done. It doesn’t mean I love him any less and god do I love him… but I am now learning to love myself more to know what I want and know what I deserve. If it means being on my own for the rest of my life, so bloody be it because I for one will show and give myself the respect I deserve. Do not be afraid to LOVE YOURSELF MORE!
We deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved and respected in every single way!!!
I agree with you totally, Samantha! Thanks for saying what I was thinking!
Amen!! Very logical advice!
So Mike? Are you gonna praise how hot other men are too ? Or are you gonna point out to your wife ‘ wow yes that guy really knows how to look after his wife , look at the beaiutifultful home and jewellery he buys her ‘ eked a guy walks by that makes 20 x what you do and puts all his attention on HIS woman instead of sharing it around like you do .
No different .if it’s OK for you to fantasise about all those women as we get older then don’t be surprised that we start fantasising about all the men who earn more or know how to treat their woman like the only one in the world
I have tried that approach..Yes he gets immediately in interested..But I am so tired ..Because he looks, flirts with them all..
Yeah well I agreed with you until the “counseling” part because that is bullshit. I agree though we should try to do as you said, call things what they are, but if it’s more than a glance at a woman, like staring, then no, he should go to counseling for being a neanderthal pig… counseling for self confidence when someone lacks respect for you? Hell no! Find someone that makes you feel like the best they could get? YES!!
Just remember, when you’re still staring in your 60’s and older, you’ll fit the dirty old man stereotype
Hi Mike,
The problem is that sometimes it can be an ugly, unatttractive,old, and obese woman. What about his stares at that? How can you support him with those women also? I’m frustrated with men thinking that it is okay to act like apes, and to expect their women to take it like a champ.
Wow you believe in triangulation abuse. Using other women to shatter your girlfriends/wife self esteem. Shame on you!
Mike,
I ‘ve gone one step further, I also do not curtail my natural instincts. When I see my man looking, I’ve then walked up to the most handsome eligible man in the vicinity and flirt shamelessly. Imagine my surprise when my man did not support me, I was only doing what came naturally after all. How dare he ask me to curb my nature. Perhaps you could suggest this to your understanding wife.
Oh yea what a great idea Mike! And to further strengthen your bond with your wife why don’t you get all dressed up and take her out to an expensive dinner and then point out all of the better dressed and better looking men than you in the restaurant. And then you can go out to the parking lot and point out all then men who have nicer cars than you. And when you go work out together you can point out the guy next to you who is obviously more fit than you. And then the two of you can take a long walk in the park and when you see her longingly staring at an obviously happy couple walking by you can point out how caring and devoted that man appears to be towards his wife. Hey she shouldn’t just be sharing in all your fun.
I am a 34yr old woman, 110 lbs with 32DD-25-34 and yes I have a pretty face to go with my figure. Now, in my current relationship my bf checks out other women and lets me know verbally or breaks his neck doing it. I’m learning how to deal with with it but I do not know if I can. (contemplating in breaking up with him…) To be honest, these women are not even attractive, they’re slightly over weight. He looks at their booty or boobs more than anything else. Which makes me wonder…”maybe he needs a bbw, I’m probably too small for him?” I’ve told him multiple times that I will not gain weight due to I’m a health freak by nature and that he needs to go get himself a “big” girl. I exercise and eat salads everyday, which he loves! So I’m slightly conflicted on what he actually wants?
I am determine to gain a bigger booty (exercise/weights/squats/etc), but even then I doubt I’ll get the attention I truly desire from him. And if I do not get the attention I want from him, I know for a fact that I’ll get it from other men. Honestly other men do check me out now, and yes it’s annoying. But it does tell me that I “look good” and men still find me attractive even now (because I dont have a fat booty LOL).
Some of you probably think I’m over thinking my situation. But honestly, it’s more about respect on my part. Yes I do find some men attractive, but I’ve never disrespected my bf as he done me. I’ve never stared at an attractive man up and down. If anything, quick 1-2 second look and move on. It’s not in my nature to really stare and study people (unless its a women wearing something cute that I like!). I get it, guys will look. But if you make it discrete, I can let it go. But if you are staring and you verbalize it or your neck is about to break off, then go get it honey! I won’t stop you (I’ve told my bf this too, even let go of his hand and walk away).
As I stated earlier, it’s not in my character to disrespect my man by checking out other guys, but I’m about to get to that point just to prove a point, “respect”. Anyway, I’m glad I can relate to some of you women out there. Wish me luck on my awesome journey with my bf.
Jen Lynn why all the hate on “fat booty”? You say men still consider you attractive because you don’t have a fat booty… so big girls can’t be attractive? only fit girls are hot?
Well stated!
me and my husband went to a family birthday party and he was telling his son that lady there you need to get her number im trying to tell you how too go about a women she had on a jumpsuit with holes going own the side. then he said again too his daughter I would have got that number he was drinking beer
My husband said he thinks about having sex when he sees really hot sexy wemon..Should I worrie,,we don’t have a good sex relationship,,I am feeling insacre and feeling I may be cheated on by him.He said I think to deeply,,
You have every right to feel insecure about this. It’s disrespectful to you and to women in general. Your husband is seeing women as pieces of meet and objectifying them based on the way you look. You are not thinking too much – that is a lie and is made to make you ignore your own feelings. Your gut instinct is natural and your husband is being unfair. You are beautiful inside and out, and you deserve more respect. Also – sex isn’t supposed to be about the way a person looks. It is a deeply intimate act (I’m not religious, but it really is something that is intimate – and it’s been cheapened in our society – even casual sex can be intimate, if it’s about respect and connection with a person – not just about the way they look). Our society has objectified woman and equated the way they look to be about sex. Sex is not about the way a woman’s body looks. That is objectification. Sex is about a person, a connection, the way a person smiles, laughs, loves, talks, walks, touches, interacts, smells, is warm, is caring, is funny and fun, and is admired as a whole human being. Sexiness is more than the way you look. Your husband, like many men, sounds disconnected. You are wonderful and beautiful and you are not thinking too much. You have every right to feel hurt.
My boyfriend has a friend on Facebook who puts up naked photos of herself which he thinks is ok. I feel intimidated and insecure. Why do men think this is ok?
Because they are inconsiderate jackas$ez and women let them treat them that way. Those if you women who are complaining your man is doing this and stating with him despite his inconsiderate behavior is only letting him know it’s okay to do this to you. THAT IS THE PROBLEM!
The moment women STOP tolerating this and breaking up with the guy or not dating one at all if he does this, will FINALLY send the message out to men IT IS NOT OK & you will NOT get laid with that kind of behavior! Once the Pu$$y stops, then they will realize it won’t work for them.
It’s the women who keep saying how it hurts, they let him know, he persists, she stays…that has to STOP.
He acts like an a$$, he hits the road. Get the concept?
If the jerk says “he can’t help it,it’s his instincts” or denies it, observe him with other women….his Mom for example, a co- worker female….you know….and watch if he “checks” our other women the same stupid way he does with you. This will give you a great deal of insight of what he “really” thinks of you and respects you….
When a man checks out another women when he is with his wife or girlfriend it cheapens him… I’ve seen men do this and it disgusts me to my core… furthermore these men that think this is ok do they have daughters? Are they happy to see other men looking at their daughters and objectifying them? Do they still see this as normal male behaviour??? Give me a break! Don’t give me this bull about being programmed that way… hasn’t man evolved from their primitive ways?
Notice how all men say oh it’s normal and my girlfriend/ wife points the good looking girls out for me…. however never have I heard a man say oh I point out the good looking muscly man out to my wife, or the one that makes more money than you…. it’s so one sided!!! Women want to feel special and loved by their husbands.. if they don’t they slowly move away as soon as someone pays her more attention…. women leave marriages emotionally a lot more earlier before they leave physically… oh and yes that’s because we are programmed that way… we can help it!!!
love that ????
The only point I disagree, is where you said that all men thinks this is right, normal or the way we are programmed. I’m a men, I’m married, and I used to think exactly like that. I used to think that my wife was overreacting, and she was the one who had to change. I used to think the only problem in our relationship, was that she couldn’t control being so jealousy. My lack of empathy, and I know, lack of common sense,took me to almost lose my marriage. Now I understand that my behavior was not right, that this is not normal, and that this is something that shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone.
Now I understand, how all this time i was hurting her confidence and self-esteem. I have to say I’m really ashamed of myself.
This is not normal. This is a kind of emotional abuse against your beloved.
wow Miguel, great post. I feel so degraded and unatractive when my husband does similar things. His name is also Miguel
Miguel, thank you.
Great comment WW.
I’m secure in myself and relationship. Everyone, m and f, notice good looking people, it’s appreciating the beauty.
That said, when I’m out at a bar or eatery and a guy leaves eye contact while one of us is talking to watch a booty go by, that is just plain disrespectful. If I’m out with a male coworker or male friend at a deli, and they crank to watch booty and boobs, it’s disrespectful. And it says more about them than me!
My former boyfriend used to say that BS “all men look” and “I can look if I want to”. Yep fine, you can look all you want I really don’t care. But not when I’m sitting next to you. It’s disrespectful. If this was all reversed it would be disrespectful for a female to ogle infront of her boyfriend.
It’s not about wiring, maturity, hormones, etc. it’s about manners and respect. Period. If we point it out to the person that it makes us uncomfortable for whatever reason, and they continue, it’s blatant disrespect.
I highly doubt a person that continues this behavior after being asked not to, doesn’t do other things that are disrespectful.
PS. My former boyfriend that did this repeatedly after being nicely asked not to in my presence, also preferred masterbating over sex with me and told me to shut up all the time and I’m not a nag. Disrespectful behaviors are rarely isolated.
Thank you. I needed to read your reply. Out helped alot.
To give lengthy explanation to your women that why you were looking at her is absolutely ridiculous.
First, all women check other men even while being in a relationship. And then they also discuss this with their friends or inner circle.
Second, there is no need to let insecurity creep in. In a relationship, you’ve to take things lightly and calmly. Instead of asking why were you seeing her or checking her, you better join him by saying that isn’t she hot or pretty. So, next time when he’ll see someone, he’ll tell you. And when you’ll see someone hot, you’ll tell him. You guys should be friends. A relationship where you hide stuff is like getting suffocated. Friendship is what develops trust and after that you don’t get insecure even if you see your partner smiling while talking to opposite sex.
Third, jealousy kills relationship. It’s a natural thing and little of it is fine but as we all know that excess of everything is bad.
No, not “all women” do that. Just the same as all men don’t. Stop generalizing.
Let me get this straight.. you are going to ask someone to make a life long commitment of monogamy with you and then your plan to maintain this commitment is going out and cruising for other people together…..??? Let me know how this works out for you please, super interested to know the results
Really terrible advice from Rehan. Dont do it. I have been married for almost 10 years wi t h three kids and alreadt am thinking how will i spend another 20, 30 years with this guy…better if i die now but then i think if my kids..
And what about many women that have done the same thing already and Cheated as well? That really makes them a very pathetic low life loser anyway especially when many of us good men were the real Committed ones in the relationship.
Did you even read the article? I’m not convinced you did. She acknowledges that it’s not just men in the very, very beginning of the article. Sheesh. Triggered.
Over the years I have learned women are quite happy to do the equivalent – seek attention from men despite being in a relationship with someone. I see it from married women at work, to women at the bar just looking for validation of their attractiveness, to women with boyfriends trying to make sure the boyfriend knows they can leave at any time or make them jealous.
My husband started staring at other women 2 years into the relationship. About a year before our wedding. No idea what changed. I confronted him several times and asked him to stop because i feel disrespected and unwanted and ugly when he does it. He didn’t stop. Before the wedding I asked him to please control himself that weekend. After the reception we went out and he stared at some woman in a short dress. Absolutely humiliated me. On our wedding night. That was few months ago. The fights about it haven’t stopped. He hasn’t done it since and he apologized many times for doing it. But I can’t forget. He ruined my wedding night. I’m trying to forgive him especially since he is being very apologetic and hasn’t done it since. But now I’m very aware that he wants to look and he is attracted to other women. Which in turn makes me feel like I’m not enough. I am killing my self trying to look better for him. But the feeling of being inadequate stayed. And it’s exhausting. What can I do? Will it ever get better? I love him and I know he loves me. I just don’t think he wants me the way he wants other women. I’m am devastated.
Laura,
My husband has a bad staring problem and gets upset at me when I call him on it. I know that men will be attracted to other women, as women are attracted to other men as well. You are truly blessed that he has apologized and is trying to change. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry so much and give your man a chance to prove himself.
My problem is sort of the opposite. Been engaged nearly 12 YEARS and I find out he thinks I am interested in capturing attention from men I dont even know. I cant be specific because he didnt elaborate on the situations that brought him to think this way but I can tell you, I do not agree with his opinion. He tried to assure me that he is not insecure but I completely diagree. At some level he is insecure but I have to be brutally honest, I dont know any other reason he would think this way about me. If you asked anyone of my friends I have had for 15, 20, 30 years, for example, I would bet they would tell you I am not an attention seeking person. My man seems to think that he spends the most time with me so he knows me well. I am floored at his assumption of me. I dont know how to work with this. I am who I am and cant change my personality nor am I willing to when it pertains to being accused of being an attention seeking person. I love and care about him and have ZERO interest in any other men. I have no solutions at this time. Im 56 years old. Old enough to know I wont accept this behavior. Is this a deal breaker? I know the decision is up to me. Iguess what I really would like help with is him and why would a man feel this way.
I’m having the same problem with my boyfriend we about to turn 2 years together this summer and it has stop everywhere we go together it could be a restaurant on Valentine’s Day he’s following the waitress all over the restaurant baptism party he stand in front of almost a daughter of mine and stared at her up and down she turned around and looked at him and she’s ready wanted to her mind slap him the next day she told me how uncomfortable she felt and I just could imagine him not being with me what else he could do
Damn. That’s crazy.
The reason men and women still eye up the opposite sex is because we are by nature promiscuous. Humans have been promiscuoius for hundreds of thousands of years, a few thousand years since marriage was invented isn’t going to change this. It isn’t anything to get worried about unless your relationship is shaky to begin with. For more information I would recommend ‘Sex at Dawn’ by Ryan and Jetha.
This is a much different issue. This isn’t about nature this about disrespecting your spouse. No one is complaining so much about the action as much as they are about how it’s done in front of them, relentlessly, in spite of their discomfort. Some of these testimonies describe pure disrespect and these people are hurting because their spouses can’t control themselves. There’s no excuse. You can control your eyes. You can do it. There would be no reason to fight or lie about it if they didn’t do it in such a disrespectful manner. You are way off topic.
I’m so glad to hear that there are people out there who feel the same way I do when your beloved partner looks at someone else. A relationship should be build on trust, but how can you trust when your partner keeps looking intently at someone else. We broke up nearly two months ago this year because I had tremendous difficulty trusting her because she constantly looks at other guys as if I was invisible. She has told that she likes to look at people and would not seek love elsewhere. But over time I started to feel that I wasn’t good enough and doubted myself. I felt unsafe whenever we go out and when she goes out on her own. Hey, I look too but not when we’re together. My attention and focus was on her when we’re together. My eyes were on her. Always showing her respect and love. Admiring her. What a beautiful person God had made. But her eyes would follow other guys around. She would do it while I’m talking to her face to face looking past me at another guy. Didn’t blink. Made me feel that I wasn’t interesting to be with. I often feel sad at our time together. Hurt, frustrated, confused and angry. Thank you everyone for sharing your testimonies, now I know I’m not the only one.
You were right to leave her. I hope that helped her understand how much she was hurting you and made her think about her actions and learn to control herself.
When I’m in love, I only have eyes for that man. No one else. He may be the least conventionally attractive person in the room, the oldest and grayest, but he’s mine and I am extremely attracted to him and I love him so much that no younger, hunkier boy could ever compare. That’s just how my heart works. Even if I recognize that some other guy is extremely attractive, I feel no attraction to him and no desire to take a second look. Seriously, none at all. That’s not my man! No one compares to my man. No one! So I find it hard to excuse anyone who has a spouse that they supposedly “love” who stares at other people they think are attractive. I mean, honestly…what’s the deal? What’s the point of looking at them unless you think you have a chance? How do you get off? You gonna fantasize about them later? You got problems.
This is SO ME. I’m the exact same way. And this is why I am unable to accept this treatment from my husband, and I think this is why it hurts even more.
For example, if we’re out somewhere occasionally I do notice for a split second a man who might be conventionally attractive, then I immediately turn to my husband and admire him and don’t let my eyes off my husband — showing him (because he does get jealous/insecure of some guys) that he is THE ONLY MAN IN THE ROOM, he is the only one I am attracted to, he is the only one I fantasize about, etc.
Why can’t I get the same back?? Like I feel BAD, I HURT when my husband gets jealous over another man — I don’t want him to feel that way at all! But I do not get this same compassion, empathy, concern or care in return. He simply cannot help himself, and clearly has no plans to stop staring at other women in front of me. And then it’s all this denial and he ‘never even saw that woman’ and then has the nerve to give me the silent treatment until I get over it. So I have to console myself while he’s ostracizing me something he’s clearly done. It’s all gaslighting/emotional abuse, so I know his game.
It deeply hurts my heart and no amount of screaming, crying, explaining, calmly describing — nothing gets through his head, it’s simply not going to stop. And I can’t do the same to him. I just can’t. I could never hurt him this way. Plus, of course he would LOSE HIS S&$* if I did…because double standards. I cannot win with this man. It feels hopeless and probably one day I will say enough and finally leave him…and it probably won’t even matter because he’ll finally be able to date all of these women! UGH.
My fiance ALWAYS looks at other women. He denies it but I notice it almost every time.. even when he’s driving, he looks at every women walking by on the streets and when I confront him , he tells me he wasn’t looking.. I even told him that I felt insecure and I’m jealous but it keeps happening and now I’m at a point where I get sad when things like this happens .. what can I do to about this please?
My fiancé and I always fighting about him not looking but staring other women. Can be fat, short, not good looking, great looking… he stares completely. I catch him moving his eyes at the same direction that women is moving and without moving his head LOL. He denies all the time doing this and he turns the argument on me saying I am calling him a liar, that he wasn’t looking at anyone etc.. but he admits he has an eye problem focusing.
Thank you everyone so much for your comments. I want to hug some of you lol. I came to this page looking for help with being “insecure” because my new (and soon ex) boyfriend has a staring problem. Not only does he call me insecure, he says he’s just “looking at their tattoos” or some similar lie. Once he even said “baby I was looking for you I couldn’t find you.” Boy he sure must’ve had trouble finding me. Anyway, this article and your comments helped me realize it’s about respect — or disrespect in this case. I hope I can, in turn, help someone reading these comments realize there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just dating or married to a dick with no respect for you and a seriously skewed concept of what it means to love someone. Get rid of his ass.
PS: Yes I’m angry. How dare these guys have the nerve to add insult to injury by gaslighting us — i.e. manipulating us into thinking it’s our problem.
I have been married for 23 years and recently my husband started to look at other women from top to bottom in my presence, when I confront him he always says it’s natural. So I guess I didn’t get the memo. What really has me all dissapointed is the fact that he made gestures to my son n law that his health care provider had a good body. That just hurt me really bad. I have been with this man in and out of hospitals, made sure he always had his meds, took him to his appointments and he disrespects me like that. In my own home.what did I do to deserve this? I have even stuck with him with his irrection problems.i use to think the world of him and now I’m not so sure. My daughters have been my witness to his starring problem with women and he still denies it.
This is tough stuff! There are a lot of broken people out there and the brokenness of men is geared toward, yet catered to by a society that’s still really cool with ‘objectifying’ women. This doesn’t give men an excuse to be disrespectful to their mates, just an understanding of the underlying problem. First, as you’re ‘choosing’ a mate – be able to be open an honest. Clearly draw the lines: The acceptability of the natural inclination that males AND females have with noticing ‘nice’ architecture. However, also make it clear when noticing gives way to ogling and how disrespectful (and hurtful that is). Some men think women are so high strung about themselves that even a discussion about architecture is a disastrous trap. This may be true of some (or many) women, but this disconnect only gets worse when men and women base things on assumption rather than discussion. We both need to be honest about our faults and weaknesses and neither needs to HAVE to compensate for a hurtful weakness in another…get help, or don’t get involved. There are other ‘better adjusted’ people on both sides.
Im indian asian girl marry white men we live in bombay, my husband checking and starring every girl who passed away, I confronted him he said why you so mad
I’m going through this with my fiance. It doesn’t seem to bother him that it upsets me. He says he is a man and that’s what men do. It bothers me because I’ll be talking to him and he ignores me because he is busy gawking at another woman. He even checks out my sister and stares at her boobs. He says it shouldn’t bother me. I just get upset and even asked my sister to wear a dress that covers her breasts to my wedding because I didn’t want him to stare at them while we are doing our vows. I dunno if I’m overreacting and if I should just let it go. I have an issue with trust and am not confident in myself. I dunno what to do..
Leave!!!! Call off the wedding…I would. He’s not ever going to stop. Have you ever thought that maybe he wants to tie you down because of that fact that YOU let him get away with it???? Everywhere you go with him he will stare it never stops trust me. You’ll just be feeling like shit all the time you won’t even like going anywhere with him because of it and you will just be feeling like crap the entire time rather than enjoying your time with him.
Hello everyone i just broke up with my boyfriend of almost five years. He constantly looks at girls woman and feels its ok..so i think ok. Ive called him on it when hes with me..i tell him to respect me when your next to me..that’s my time your on my watch..but..today he comes home from work. Usually he goes straight to room to change and take shower and we sit down for dinner and talk about our day.well this day he comes in starts taking kitchen garbage out to take downstairs at our apartment. Well womans intuition tells me to get up from couch and see wat hes doing. Oh. Boy did he get caught. He was at bottom of our stairs staring at a young girl his daughters age around 25 with short shorts high heels bending over fixing her buckle on the shoe looking back side ways at him from the apartment complex across from us…ok. One thing staring but a full stop looking back at her not even hitting the steps…so i yelled at him..her able to hear too.. Wat the hell u looking at shes as old as your daughter..that’s sick. So him he got jolted that he got busted..she flung her hair up while standing straight up and acting like shes sooooo innocent. Ha boy he trotted up the stairs pissed with me..telling me in kitchen..you know i have eyes and i will look when and wat i see…i laughed and said oh good…i have eyes too.. And i have a hella of a good heart.. And my heart says get the hell out. No need to have a man child on my arm..im a attractive woman..and you know that. So going to home depot hes walkibg behind me cause the men are staring at me..im not a jealous person..but he is very jealous..i found myself becoming him. So no. I deserve a man who will give me his full attention and meet my wishes.not a manchild who disrespects me all the time cause he has eyes. Then look on your time. Not on my time standing next to you. I am woman..not a doormat..or back burner..so he is moving out tomarrow. Hes moving out like that was his plan in the first place. Im soooo happy. I can breath..we were engaged gave him the ring back a year ago for his jealous ness..good by. Im happy and i can breath. I have no more stress over someone who never deeply loved me. I got the whole world in front of me. My other half is out there.. Within time. Im not rushing into anything. Gonna travel and love myself for a while. No rush for finding love. His loss not mine.
Good for you!! Way to go!! I’m doing the same exact thing. I’m going back to school. Starting a part-time job and just keeping myself busy, busy, busy…I left him 2 days ago. I was with him for 5 years. He would say let’s go to counseling blah blah I would give him time to see if he would change. Nope. Still the same. If they really loved us they would respect our wishes and show us some respect. I feel the exact same way as you. I don’t think he really loves me so I left. In time I will find Mr. Right and I will make sure he does in fact “give me the world!”
Pandora I been with my bf 4 years he looks at other woman when we got out together he watch porn behind my back he tells me i’m getting old i’m 47 he is 57 I look good for my age when I ask him to show me some respect he tell me he’s not looking he lie and i’my looking write at him then he say will least at looking at men . He don’the make me feel SEXY anymore when he do this I can see him looking at to see the expiration on my face I think he gets a kick out of it I feel like he is mentally abusing me .Can tell me what should I do?!!!
I thought I was the only one. My husband checks out other woman in front of me all the time. He’ll see a woman pass by and makes sure that he checks her out. He’ll check out my sister in law his brothers girlfriend. I honestly just want to go off on him. I am really insecure about myself and him doing this just makes me feel horrible. I confronted very calmly I told him how it makes me feel and he didn’t seem to care. He said I’m just glancing. And it really bothered me that he said that. I don’t know what to do I want to brush it off but I can’t when he constantly checks them out everywhere we go.
My husband cannot get enough of women… while driving a woman in the next car or on the sidewalk and he HAS to look.. not just look, stare. He has absolutely whipped his head around trying to get a good look. He makes me feel so bad. He doesn’t care if I notice..in fact I am sure he feels there is nothing wrong with it. He is always looking up things on the internet like what women find attractive in men… and to top it off he had to go to Korea for work for a month..and came home with yellow fever so bad he is being mean to me and picking fights. I am devastated.. He used to be so sweet to me but not no more.
Hi all, I’ve recently started reading about this as my husband too has the wondering eye. It’s got to the point that people point it out to me. He’s been doing it so much and it’s not just staring too long, he turns his head to get a look to see what the girl looks like from behind… while standing right next to me! Today, I called him out on it as it’s just beyond disrespectful. This girl smiled at him and he loved it. He is old enough to be her dad! I just don’t understand it! The thing that hurt the most is that I’m 4 months pregnant with our second child and there he is with his eyes popping out of his head while I’m feeling fat, ugly, nauseous, emotional, have a chest infection and was grocery shopping with him to make HIS dinner. If he has no shame to try and conceal it when I’m around, what’s he like when I’m not around and he travels with his work?
I am going through a similar situation. But the thing is sometimes I am being wrongfully accused of looking at woman when I am really not. For example just yesterday me and my girlfriend of 4 years drove to the store to get food for our pet. now we just moved to a new state and we live in a area where a lot of people like to vacation, so while walking in to the store I tried to have a conversation with her about how you can tell which people are from the state and which people are not. so there was a family walking in front of us a mother a father and a teenage girl who looked to be about 15 or so. so I was looking at this family as a whole and out of the now where my girlfriend says do you want me to get her number for you (referring to the teenage girl.) At first my reaction was I did not understand who she was referring to so I said what are you talking about. she pointed out the girl and immediately I felt insulted as she was implying that m looking at little girls. My next comment was I do not have time for high school drama. and by the time we got home she blew up on the subject and became very nasty throwing things at me and telling me that I’m a piece of ****. I love my gf very much and I would never cheat on her and I tell her this all the time but for some reason she doesn’t believe me when I say that. I tell her we are never going to grow any farther then this and will always go in circles if she doesn’t learn to trust me. But nothing I say can get through to her. A little advice please
Tell him it’s interesting to see his taste in Women.
Dear women.
Why not to change the strategy? Instead to worry make your men jelaous. Take care of yourselves. Change something in yourselves. Wear nice clothes, go to gym, be confident, smile. Or your men will understand what they can loose, or you will understand that you are attractive women and deserve much better and more in your life.
Men want something that they can’t have. You are always at home and they know you will be there. Of course if there are children it is more complicated. We have only one life.
From another hand if man only looks at other women but is devoted, why not. We also look at other men. We live in society.
Love yourself. If your men love you and respect they will be with you, will be faithful.
In the beginning of our relationship I caught my fiance checking out women more than he does now. It made me feel inadequate .
His response?
“Babe. Guys are basically programmed to look. And just LOOK. not touch. not hit on. LOOK. and even then just looking means nothing ! I come home to you. I sleep with you. I love you.”
I got to where I started asking myself if he thought certain girls were cute when we out places.
He even said “you know women check out men, right?” yeah I do. But i don’t really, however as a bisexual female sometimes I check out other girls & even sometimes ask if she has a nice butt or what have you.
He actually doesn’t like answering a lot of times to not hurt me or start an argument he says
Lately my anxiety has been stirring again since I’m having issues refilling my meds
And I’m feeling inadequate again.
He even told me “you know I don’t check girls out as much as before. Right? Because I know how much it hurts you and I LOVE YOU.” he doesn’t stop and stare or anything either or turn his head. And he does it rather discreetly…so maybe I’m in over my head?
He also said he’d never get Married again, but he and I are engaged now. Before the M word freaked him out. His first wife cheated on hi while he was overseas in the army and his second…is a nutcase
Just 2 days ago we were visiting his nephew. Two of the nephews’ friends came thru. They were obviously a gay couple, that part was okay with me. However, what Eye thought was totally inappropriate was the fact that one of the women started rubbing on her watermelon chest and thick thighs while looking in the direction of my boyfriend. I wasn’t jealous one bit; however, I sat there thinking —Geez, Eye hope my own daughter –who is straight– acts more ladylike than that when she is around other people.
In order to avert my attention from her —Eye asked my boyfriend to let me drink from his bottle of green tea and also to go get me another paper napkin. He quickly handed me his bottle and then got up to go get me a napkin. She stopped her inappropriate behavior and turned her attention to her lesbian mate.
Moral of the story: whether it is the other party’s intent to distract your man or not; let her know who is really running the show —-YOU!
Why do we all tolerate this level of disrespect? Do each of us who commented here really think we are so worthless? Tragic. Including myself here. Trying different strategies to the point where we don’t go out together. What other strategies are there? Next stage is divorce. I am worth more than this.
I’ve been battling this for so long and have no idea what to do. I swear he didnt do it while dating (minus an occasional glance). It bothers me so much, it takes over my life. I dread going out with my husband. He always denies it. I always feel like shit. It makes me want to leave him. If it wasnt for this, everything else is good in the marriage. I dont know if I can live like this forever. We went to a burger joint today and the rest of my day was ruined. We have communicated a ton on this issue and he swears he doesnt, he says he notices everyone equally and swears he does not check out women in front of me, but its guaranteed everytime. I am pretty much never comfortable going out with him and feel like a piece of sh*#. I cant live like this. Also, I hate when men look at me.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months and he always looks at beautiful women. He tries to be discreet but I catch him looking and then he lies about it. This makes me so upset. He has talked about marriage but if he loves me why would he want to look at other women? It really is bothering me but I love him.
Married 30 years this checking out girl butts has been going on even when we dated. although I do talk it over with him and try to explain how much it hurts it just doesn’t stop. Now we have little to no intimacy and the women he looks out is always skinny women. I’m not big but I still feel like i must not look good enough or why can’t he stop? I even told him how I purposely watch and no he doesn’t check out big girls .now I dont want to go anywhere especial family gatherings if I know a new female is being introduced to us because I know if she fits that above title she will get check out and the last one, my brother in law new girlfriend he try so hard not to look you could actually see him trying to do it without being notice and not once but every freakin time that poor girl got up to walk. I actually told him that he needs to see it from my point he gives me no attention at all but every girl with a nice slim figure is for sure getting it. And worse he nows works in a warehouse with lots of young thin women and all I do is sit and picture him staring every time they walk by . I just don’t know how to deal with it any more and I’m actually getting tire of it all.
I’m dating a latino man. I’m crazy about him and I thought he was crazy about me. When I first met him I had come off another relationship where the man had lied and cheated so I was very suspicious and jealous. My main issue is the social media. He follows like 1500 people on facebook. Many of them young sexy women from his country and here locally. I am older than him by a lot of years. At first I wasn’t really interested in a long term commitment but we are good together and he is tender and loving when we are together. But he openly looks at women. All women. Hootchie mama women on facebook who post provocative and inappropriate selfies, women on Tango, Chatting on Whatsapp. I am so jealous it makes me insane. He says..I love all women. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Maybe latina women don’t care if their men cheat or maybe latino men haven’t been exposed to normal healthy relationships. I’m not trying to generalize I am merely saying I am trying to understand why he is this way. I want to be the better person and overlook it. When we are together I am happy and fulfilled. But my jealousy gets the best of me everytime. He says..I am here with you. I stay with you. We were broken up for awhile and he knew I was seeing another man. He seemed to really want me when we got back together but it’s like the minute I show interest and profess my love he begins to change. Maybe like someone else mentioned I need to build up my confidence and maybe attract other men’s attention so he can see what he would be missing? I am not into playing games though. I don’t know if I can continue in a relationship where he is not sensitive to my feelings on this matter. Like others have said it is a matter of love and respect. At least if he wanted to look, please don’t be so obvious about it. In my opinion it is immature, tacky and lacks class.
Im 20. I have been in this relationship for a year and I caught him several times staring other women and denying it like it was a matter of life or death. Today I witnessed it so perfectly and saw him turn his head twice to stare at a girl’s body/ass that was passing. I confronted him and he swore on the life of his father thay he didn’t saw her. Im not blind Im not possessive im not obsessed or a control freak but nor do i deserve this. Im holding his arm/hand giving him my respect andngratitude and devotion and he fucking sees other women because he justncant help it??? More to say that Ive gotten fatter because I rely on food for every problem since he doesn’t care and when I see him staring at otherngirls or being flirty with my friends that are all skinnier than me it hurts me so bad. I cry alot and he just humiliates me by denying it and making me look crazy. I feel useless and ugly and I’ve tried taking my own life, not because he stares at other women but that no one shows me respect not even my own family values me when Im always the kind person that helps everyone they treat me like shit my mother and father hate me and knowing that even this person who I trusted put my walls down for him that swore to never do these kinds of things to me is devastating. I honestly feel bad for my self and needless to say, unable to do smth.
You need counseling. And a good friend. So do I. What city are you in?
I have the same problem. For about 6 months my husband continuously stared at this woman at our church. Always checking here out…… it got to the point when he went up for prayer he would position himself next to her and sometimes tried to jump in to catch her. I confronted him yet again…. as I had already spoken to him about his wandering eye and porn habit. He says he will stop but I haven’t been able to see that as she hasn’t been in church since we went back after two months. Now I’m always stressing about even going out with the girls with him as I feel uncomfortable. When talking to him about this woman from church, I pointed out what msg he was putting out there to her as I know she had noticed, it was very noticeable. It made me feel stupid, unwanted and not attractive. I’m loyal down to the t, don’t look at other men, don’t talk about how hot other men are with my friends. I’ve caught him so many times, I’ve been cheated on in the past and know that this can be a huge factor. I just want the same loyalty and respect I give.
My fiance and I were at the college we have both enrolled in with the admissions person and we were standing waiting on the elevator when a pretty woman walked by he looked at her looked in multiple directions as distraction then looked at her again. I get this six sense everytime this is about to happen and watch the whole thing occur. This happens often even a year ago right before Christmas he distracted me in a walmart to stare at this maybe 14 or 15 year old girl (we are almost 30) who had been given him the fu** me look the entire time we were checking out. I felt it then as well. I feel it’s time to break things off at this point I’ve always been very confident and sure of myself but have lost every bit of it in the past 2 years. It’s really sad because he does really sweet things sometimes and tells me he loves me but I feel so disrespected.
I’m here just as every woman on here us irritated always catch my man eyeing a woman but sometimes he don’t turn his head but his eyes follow I hate it n sure as hell want to punch the crap out of him cause I’m right there with him. HELLO dummy but its like these men all about sex n porn that’s wat it seems like. I don’t confront I’m very confident in myself even tho I have put on pounds due to having his child! Plus eatin wat the hell u want but I can’t stand I don’t talk about it cause I already know wat he goin to say everybody stare but forget that it’s disrespectful n there’s nothin we can do about it. The sad part is that my man treats me like a QUEEN but just got that lookin r staring problem smh
In my opinion and experience its very hurtful when the one you truly love does this to you, when they have done so many things to you.. that you would never even dream of doing those things back to them due to the love and respect you have for them. Makes ya wonder do they really feel the same, because if they did, wouldnt they stop making you feel that way or maybe just love you enough to not do it at all. I think they just know what they can and cant do. Because we teach them that..if we let them walk all over us, they will continue to..it does no good to threaten someone your going to leave and then not leave..because that just taught him/her they can do whatever and your going to stay or take them back..what pisses me off the most is the lying about it..a lie is a lie no matter how big or small. And its always to hide something..Need to have honesty before you can trust. Life is short..wish everyone the best.
My boyfriend looks at every woman who crosses his path. I don’t think he can help it. It’s like he’s compelled to. No matter where we go. It hurts me because hos focus is on women all around him and not me. Then, he is turned on and shows me attention after. I wish I was the one who had the effect on him. I’ve never confronted the situation, I try to pretend I don’t see and don’t know. He always says he’s not like other men, his actions speak differently. It makes me feel ugly.self worth is low.
Me and my husband was apart for 2 years he broke up with me and left me and the children I was totally heart broken till I meant (greatmutaba@gmail. com) he cast a love spell that return my husband back to me
I’ve been fighting a lot with my boyfriend because in his Facebook I found he was following a page with lots of pictures of women’s butts and boobs and all that kind of stuff. I told him that he has make my self esteem go low because I dont look at all like those women. He says is his right to follow whatever he want and it just hurts me a lot that he says that,because when we fight he calls me pig and disgusting and he cheated on me a long time ago, we broke up that time and got together later. And things are going great except when I catch him looking at those pictures on fb or when we fight and he calls me such horrible names. And if I try to leave he starts to act all sweet and saying how much he adores me but hates my mind that makes me be insecure. I don’t know if I should stay or leave the relationship. He really hurts me a lot but also my best moments are with him….
if you sit in a crowded place or walk in the supermarket, you will see that there two kinds of men. those who look, and those that do not. this means that there are, in fact, men who do not look. Those are the good ones. Did they discuss this problem for a while until he saw the light and changed his behavior? Or did he always just know how to act around his woman?
In my opinion, more men these days are learning how to control those instincts. I’ll see the creepy ones who look, but I’ll see a little more of the men who don’t look. Slightly more. But that means there’s hope. The good ones are, in fact, out there. the question is, is yours open to becoming a good one? if not, he’s not a keeper, unless, of course, you’re married and have young kids, then you’re stuck for a while. Then why can’t you refuse to go everywhere with him? Unless absolutely necessary. And if you do, do not look at him, because you know what he’ll be doing. heck, why even sit with the creep? i’d sit in a different part of the room so i cant see what he’s doing! why be hurt by what you see? don’t see it, then. you’ll then not even know if he did it, or if he didn’t. you can assume he did, but you won’t know for sure because you didn’t see. spend all your time in the bathroom or smoking a cig to get away from that eye that hurts you.
is it impossible to share a life with a man with a roving eye? nearly impossible, i’d say, but it’s worth a try for your happiness.
i feel the worst for those who were blindsided by this behavior when it reared it’s ugly head after marriage. what do you do? Not bring it up for fear of looking jealous or stupid? just look at the hundreds of comments on this site. these comments prove that this is a serious issue affecting women, and therefore, your feeling on this issue is, in fact, valid.
his viewpoint is also valid, as stupid as it is (lol)! if a man has a roving eye, he needs a woman that doesn’t mind. i’m sure those women are out there.
if you’re not married yet, why in the name of all that is decent and hopeful, would you marry someone who makes you feel this way. Bring it up, and if it doesn’t get resolved, you loved and lost. get rid of it (meaning him). i love mine so much. i will cry for a long time if he doesn’t straighten up and i have to let him go. i don’t say he’s bad. i say he needs someone else who doesn’t mind that.
also, training is not a bad idea, either. physically show him how it’s done when you’re out with him. and tell him you will be showing him how he should behave and that you will show him. so when you’re out with him, wait for good looking hot guy to walk by, look at him for a second, then look away without any further emotion toward said hot guy on your part. you know how you want him to behave. that’s what you demonstrate. maybe your dude just doesn’t know how it’s done. we know they’re not always the quick studies they like to think they are! then show him how to look the way you is okay for him to look. if he’s freaking out, like mine is, maybe he needs a little time. he doesn’t know he’s being the biggest jerk that ever walked on the surface of the earth. he can have s o m e time to think it over. not that much though, because i’m, getting annoyed now. how much time is enough for him to shape up? you decide how long you can put up with this crap. then bitch slap the fool around, figuratively, of course, until things improve. and if they improve, well, you know what happens. bye bye my love. i will miss you so
As sad as it sounds! It’s comforting seeing people who are going through this tormenting pain I am going through.
Recently I just broke into pieces and didn’t know how to heal until I starting reading about the issue and found all these comments.
I’ve realised that my husband notices every beautiful girl that exists. Just like other women going out with him it’s torture for me and the moment I see a good looking women I say “okay here it goes again, I will be shredded into pieces”.
I do love him, and try to give him everything I can therefore thinking of leaving him is impossible.
I’ve caught him many times looking at other women and he denies it. Makes me look like a jealous maniac who is so possessive.
I’ve explained how it makes me feel, I’ve cried in his arms. What hurts a lot isn’t him looking or noticing it’s the second, third, fourth look he gives and the effort he puts to stare. What hurts even more is when the women notice him looking and they in most cases don’t mind it because he is good looking. And then I get the women looking at me and I just feel like walking off and never looking back.
I know I am good for him because I take care of him, love him and I am completely committed. When a man looks at me I grease them off, and make sure they don’t look because to me it’s not only an insult to me but an insult to my husband.
2 days ago I caught him looking at a women once, then another time and the third time he was pretending to be a sleep I know he wasn’t when I caught him he acted as if he was sleeping. At that moment I was eating and once I saw that the food got stuck in my throat. My legs, arms everything went numb. My feelings toward him went cold and when I got out the women was looking at me the whole time and he wasn’t with me at that time. When I got home I actually felt dead! I couldn’t feel my body. I slept on the floor and next I remember him picking me up and putting me to bed. I lifted my legs and arms and I couldn’t feel them at all. My emotions, my body everything just went numb. That night was just hell. The next morning I was just screaming into my pillow.
All he does is act like nothing happened.
Before marrying him I was a confident young women who was independent and loved herself and worked on becoming better.
Now he has taken my ego, pride and everything I had and smashed it.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m not writing this for a solution but to share some of this unbearing pain.
If only he felt what I go through?
Give him a taste of his own medicine ? I have too much respect for myself to even look at another man forget about talking to one.
I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to contain myself and I would honestly haul off and sock him right in the face! I’ve done it and at the time, the pain and devastation is so great it’s like you described except add extreme emotion, like anger, my body shakes, my heart rate increases significantly, I feel so enraged I’m going to burst and I have just taken my best shot and clocked him in the face, head, wherever I can it just comes out and at the time I don’t care I feel like I could kill him.he deserves to get punched in the face for treating me with such disrespect. Hurting me knowingly but being to selfish to refrain, like I don’t matter. He has no right to say he loves me no way. I will punch him in the face next time he hurts me, maybe he will get a damn clue and stop. I can tell you, any pain I cause him is NOTHING compared to the pain he causes me. I’d rather be punched in the face than have him do that. Im serious.
oops, i made a mistake on that last sentence. i meant to say –
and if they d o n ‘ t improve, well, you know what happens
I say, look but don’t touch, and you better be giving me more attention vs them. I don’t see anything wrong with looking. We all know staring is wrong so that’s on their end to suffer with, you may also be embarrassed because they do, but it doesn’t actually apply to you. They are the rude one.
Why shouldn’t someone have an opinion of what another looks like? Why shouldn’t people be interested in others appearance or otherwise? I knew a guy that hated when girls would talk about how good looking a guy was, and he wasn’t even dating them. He felt he owed them all. He has serious issues with his ego.
On the other hand, if they are touching, chasing like one women mentioned (yes, scary to have that done), cheating, making attempts to hook up with, etc. then it’s just time to set some boundaries (within reason), like no more cheating/touching/late night calls, not sharing everything, lying constantly, blaming you for their actions, abuse, etc, and move on if they are broken if you just can’t take anymore.
It’s not easy being single, being treated like a piece of meat or lied to just to use you for money, sex, whatever. Dating is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Finding someone true is the hardest.
I was in an 18 yr relationship. It was a nightmare, and still is because of children.
Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck.
even though this thread is old I find it funny that all these women are talking so badly about men. I have plenty of female friends. Many of them on facebook. I am single. No kids. Most of these female friends are either in relationships or married and constantly post photos of men with no shirts on. Sweaty abs, cowboy hats and jeans. Also the females I do hang out with on shopping trips or just out to lunch are constantly looking at other men and cat calling how sexy they are. Please ladies, stop trying to make it out that the men are the only ones who are bad at doing this because you all do this yourselves. Even when I am on vacation I hear a group of ladies calling out about how hot some man is and then they tease one another about how their husbands would feel about it. Its human nature. We ALL look at the opposite sex. Straight or gay. It happens. At 42 I was in two serious relationships and both of those females constantly compared me to other men. Men who were much sexier than I. I am not sexy. Im just a frumpy average sized guy. Always telling me I needed to lose weight and get a ripped body. Women love men with abs and ripped bodies just as much as many men love a thin woman. I’ve never cheated or even cared to look at other women when I am with my special lady but sadly, they always looked at other men and spoke of how much they loved how they looked all the while making me feel inadequate.
respect your partner. male or female. if you like abs and ripped bodies then find a man who has that and be happy. don’t settle for less when you can have what you want.
Yeah and women don’t go hiding in closets, getting off to other men behind their husbands backs like guys do. Nit to mention I’m a woman and when I’m in a relationship I have ZERO INTEREST in other men. ZERO! I don’t look at other men, I don’t think about other men and I don’t have any desire it attraction to other men. You want to know why? Because I’m LOYAL. AND REAL. I know of no women like you describe, sounds like you know a bunch of snanks.
Just sayin
I have a problem woth my boyfriend of looking at girls and getting attracted to them. He said that it is a normal thing cause men are born woth strong hormones. But I dont understand something. Not really sure. Yes men are born with this strong hormones but cant you just control it? Just stop looking at other girls and say that they are attractive. He told me also that once he sees the “attractive girls” his emotions stirs him up first and say “ahhh she is attractive” and this happens everyday. I dont like this and it is truely uncomfortable for me to be in this situation? Can somebody explain to me why this should be agreeable to happen? I just dont understand cause I might just break up with him if he does not have the will to control himself.
Yes men are wired differently than women but they can control the knee-jerk reactions. Sounds like your bf is making excuses. If he doesn’t care about how you feel, he’s not worth it. Men can have self-control but they have to want it and actively practice it. They also need to be surrounded by men who have that same mindset and live it.
8 years ago I found out my husband had a major issue. I didn’t know what it was until a couple years ago. He’s a sex and porn addict with OCD. If I had known what I knew now, I would have never married him. He is working hard to overcome this and we are dealing with the issue of the knee-jerk reaction of looking at women. He’s gotta do the work not me. And he needs to show me respect. I can’t control him. We are both in recovery. I don’t wish this on anyone but I am grateful for the support we both have. Your boyfriend sounds like he has issues and I hope for your sake you stood your ground. Don’t let him manipulate, lie, gaslight you and make you feel like you’re crazy because you’re not and you’re worth it!! You have a voice and it matters! Your feelings are valid! I hope this helped you. Take care of yourself <3
Thank you so much for this article. It is very helpful and the best I have read on this subject. Thank you so much for having such a discerning view of both sides of this issue. I am struggling so much with jealousy and it hurts so much I can hardly stand it. My husband is a good man and never tries to be disrespectful if he notices somebody attractive. Anytime I notice him notice somebody else, I can hardly stand how it feels inside. It hurts so deeply and controls my life completely. He does deny it, but I think because I am so insecure and jealous, he lies often about it because he knows how it may make me feel. He says I am being delusional when I worry about certain women. I hope that I am worrying about nothing, but I never know for sure. But there are times I am positive that I know what I see and feel, and when he lies it hurts so much and I just can’t trust him. He’s in a no win situation because either way it hurts me. I have caused so much of it all because I am jealous. I’m never mean to him about it, but he is understandably tired of my emotional responses. He won’t tell me anything he thinks is pretty or attractive anymore, not even about an actress on screen. And I feel so ugly myself, I don’t understand how he could possibly find me attractive. I try to stay as fit as I can, but I can’t fix my face. I wish I could make myself not care and just let it roll off. I have struggled with this most of our marriage, but had a “remission”, so to speak, for quite a few years after I had some counseling unrelated to my jealousy issues. But then something happened where he lied to me about something that was very important to me and the issue came back worse than ever along with an eating disorder, which I have since recovered from. He has also lied to me about smaller things since, which doesn’t help to build trust back. And some of those things are such stupid little things. I think, if he is lying about a small thing, then why wouldn’t he lie about something that really hurts me, over and over again. I also feel hypocritical because I do notice if a man is attractive. I am careful not to look though just to look and to not take a second look. He doesn’t care anyways, he says, and doesn’t care if I think somebody is attractive in a movie, etc. Why can’t I be like this? I used to not care about females in movies when I was in “remission”, but now I can’t imagine not caring or how I ever didn’t care. I am going to seek the cognitive therapy you speak of.
It is a major turnoff for me. Major. I’ve been seeing a man who has fed me BS for a few months. Telling me how beautiful I am, I’m the one for him he wants no one
Else, all that BS. He says he’s not worried about any other women, yet when we have
gone out he checks out blondes. I’m mixed with black hair. I understand people will look, but when it gets to the point where you as a woman feel like your competing with other women for your mans attention , then it’s time to leave/ Recently I found that he’s been liking women’s pics on Facebook and Instagram. What a revelation . I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks, because I can’t be around him. I have no incentive to keep going with him. Who wants a man who loves “All” women In that way.My issue with this is, don’t tell me I’m the only
One when your still “shopping”. Checking every woman out when we go
Somewhere. It also pisses me off because if we are making out or having sex I’m wondering if your thinking of the other woman your lusting after. It’s really wrong to do this. People will say women are too insecure regarding this subject. Imho if you’re still looking you don’t need to be in a relationship, you should go back to being a bachelor.
And I must add some people use looking as a means to control someone. Narcissism
I live Long Island in New York I went to a boxing event with my husband of 8 years that one our friends was boxing in and I caught my husband looking at another girl as she passed us. I asked him why he did that and he said he wasn’t and I told him that I was watching him and he still denied it. All I want to know is why he did that. Does that mean there something wrong with me I mean we do have two children together a 5 yr old girl and a newborn little boy. When he does that it makes me feel like he’s not interested in me any more am I wrong?
As a married man who also looks at other women I have never cheated and have no plans to cheat on my wife but I enjoy looking at other women. Women are just beautiful and it’s nearly impossible not to look. Going to the gym is the worst because of all of the women in the form fitting yoga pants. Women want men to look or they would never dress the way they do with revealing clothes. Dress like a Ho, deal with getting stared at then.
It’s all about you Bob! Nice!
My husband says he looks st everything, cracks me up! I just find it disrespectful and although I’m pretty confident makes me feel insecure.
We are both in relationships and hes 65, Harley Davidsons I’m 57 and have been together for 7 months. Why did he ask a strange woman if she has a husband?
My boyfriend walks along the street with me hand in hand and actually stops me from walking cause his head turning to watch woman pass him ive spoke with him mamy times about it.. he stares all the time if other woman in our group of friends he concentrated on her fills her drinks ect and im sat like idiot watching he message girls online on a console saying he wants fk them one girl from.a console insulted me badly about loss of ly child and then i find him sat in a closed group chat with her for nearly 4 hours if i question him about his actions he lies denys or make excuses either way it will be “my fault” i feel hurt all the time and lost the trust because only so much person cant take
I do not know why I look at other women. My wife tells me it is because I am a cheater and I am looming for a sign from another woman to cheat. I tell her that is not true but she calls me a liar and says if I were trying to change to save the marriage or if I wanted a friendship afterwards I need to tell her the truth. I do not know what to tell her. Can so.eone please help me save my marriage?
I look at women all the time if they are attractive. I generally tend to see them for about 2-3 seconds or so. I don’t do it because I don’t love my wife, and I don’t spend 2-3 seconds thinking, “damn, I wish I could get me some of that”. Generally, it’s a quick, “damn, she’s beautiful”, or “wow, her body is amazing. She is taking very good care of herself”. For me, it’s more like having had an opportunity to glimpse something beautiful, like a sunset, or the sunrise on a fall morning when the sunlight shines across your dew covered lawn. But, I don’t sit there for 5 minutes ooogling over the woman. I don’t undress her with my eyes and get hot and bothered. Some guys actually appreciate the beauty of a woman and leave it at that.
I have been a dancer for years..married men have come to see me and would show me pictures of their family I was discusted..i got married at 23 I’ve been married 20 yrs..my husband has always looked at other woman I am pretty convinced they all do it and they watch porn and go to strip clubs..one guy would Sneek into the club and tell his wife he was at the store and brag about it…i dont know what these men think life is a big orgy or something??? My husband wanted me to go to a swingers club with him so I did I thought it would make him stop bugging me about having sex with another man with him…well we did and it sucked …then we went into the orgy room I told him we would just look…he wound up eye locked to a youg girl!!! Did not give me eye contact basically he wanted her we left went down stairs…then he wanted to go back up again!! Hmm really not in it together ? men suck! Take it from a stripper?
My girlfriend says that I check out other girls, even when she is around.
However I do not remember doing any such thing. So when she confronts me, I come off as a liar.
I already know that it’s disrespectful to her and I would feel hurt if she did the same to me. I don’t like to tell lies because it’s much easier to maintain the truth. And I don’t have any intention of checking out other girls as I am not interested looking elsewhere.
She , however says that I do look and that too with intention. I feel like I might be having some mental issues here and might need some psychological/psychiatric help. Or is there some way to condition my mind not to subconsciously do this?
PS: I do not want to conclude that my girlfriend is paranoid, without first confirming that Im not the culprit here.
My husband has a bad porn addiction and he is always trying to hide it because I have told him how much it hurts me and makes me feel like I am not pretty/good enough to satisfy him. To add to it all I recently discovered that he has been repeatedly going to the same females fb page at night while I’m asleep. What should I do? We have 2 wonderful children and I don’t want to tear our family apart. I have talked to him about it and he does better for a few weeks and then I catch him doing it again. I’m physically handicapped and have very low self-esteem and he doesn’t seem to care. Please help any suggestions will be greatly appreciated
I feel sorry for the men who do this. They are shallow and driven by lust. Sex is everywhere and it’s part of societies brainwashing. Women aren’t as prone to it as men. Not that men are dumber but on a subconscious level they are programmed to be like this. They cannot evolve to see that humans are more than just a piece of flesh. Not all men care to look at attractive women and most men with daughters have learned to know this because they don’t like grown men staring at their girls that way. It helps to know that men aren’t always the brightest especially when lust gets in the way of their rational brain. If a man is single then that’s a different story because he is looking for someone and anyone could be her, other than that it’s pretty sad.
I have a different account. I have been married to my wife for 8 years now, during our marriage we have had rocky points and I mean to the fact that my wife actually cheated with another guy she had just met and got pregnant but got an abortion because she could not believe she had done that and was still in love me. So now every time a woman walks past me at the store, the bus stop, Wal-Mart, Golden Coral, a hotel,our kids school, church, downtown around a courthouse, watching a tv show we’ve never seen, a movie we want to see, she accuses me of checking them out. We have been to counseling, she has talked to psychics, friends and families and they have all said that she is the one with a mental problem. I have never ever cheated on her with the exception of porn that I immediately stopped but she insist that I have a sexual addiction problem so to prove my innocence she wants me to go see a sexual addiction counselor just so he or she can tell her what every one has told her that I don’t have a problem I have even made appointments to see a lie detector advocate to really slap her in the face with the truth. How do I gain her trust when even she doesn’t even want to get evaluated to see if indeed she has a mental disorder because to her ever one in the world is crazy but her.
Hello. I need help to understand something. I’m in a relationship and we’d been happy for the most part but one question that always cross my mind is why when my girlfriend wears something so sexy I can’t stare at her for more than five seconds but if another girl wears something sexy I can stare at her for a long period of time. Is there something wrong?
When you enter it o a committed relationship, you don’t lose your vision. Is it okay that I am attracted to someone else other than my current partner? YES. If I find someone else attractive at a beach, or a grocery store, or a bar, does that mean I want to leave my current relationship? NO. Is it okay if I stare so long, that it makes anyone within sight uncomfortable? NO. Half of these comments are absurd. That there are two types of men, ones that look, and ones that don’t. WRONG. There are guys that are in fully committed relationships (marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancée, etc. – none of those statuses matter when it comes to this topic), and want to continue to be in those relationships, and there are guys who don’t. SORRY ladies. I don’t disrespect women by looking, if I’m attracted to you, that just means you’re a thing of beauty to me, in my eyes. I won’t stare or gawk, but I will probably smile at you, because there are too many people in this world wearing their RBF’s proudly otherwise… I had a physically beautiful girlfriend that would point out to me when other guys were checking her out, I would just respond with, I’m sure they are, rightly so, you’re gorgeous. But her jealousy eroded so much trust from our the foundation of our relationship. Be confident enough to know everyone is beautiful, but boundaried enough to realize when he’s steppig out of line. Your anger is your issue, your jealousy is your issue, set your rules/boundaries for what you will accept, and draw that line. But don’t waiver, once the line of respect is drawn, it shouldn’t be moved. Just don’t draw the line behind where none of us men can stand, which would be the line behind, “Never look at another woman again…” That’s just not fair or reasonable by any stretch.
Hi guys need some advice on a similar situation.
Basically a passing comment was made a few days ago about my fiancé of ten years yes that’s correct ten years, looking at other woman’s bottoms, he knows I was in a bad relationship previous to him where alot of cheating and physical abuse was present.
Well tonight he drove to a friends come home and we went to his brothers house. The four of us just sat down literally and he spoke to his brother but I wasn’t listening to what he was saying at the time until he said my name, I turned and asked him to repeat what he said so he goes I didn’t tell you did I, earlier when I was going to my mates there was a girl in a sportsbike with just a pair of shorts and bikini top, so I’m like ok well she needs to wear leathers to protect herself incase of road rash if in an accident. My fiancé then proceeded to dig a deeper hole to then reply when she leaned forward to go her shorts rode up and you could basically see everything and you normally think a biker girl has tattoos ect..by this point I was getting annoyed as to the point of the story, so asked did you look at her arse (obviously he did) and he had no reply. But then continues to keep talking about it until my best friend/ sister in law diffused the situation Andy changed the subject. I calmly confined my night with it niggling at the back of mind annoying me so much.
Gets home and I brought it up saying that really annoyed me tonight and he brazenly says what? That look of all looks went straight in his direction I couldnt help but ask if he was joking. I then left it at that, sat here thinking am I overthinking and overreacting or was he being rude just not caring about my feelings. He honestly woke about
her for a good 15 mins.
I know I should have confidence but after 3 kids and his wandering eye plus we are rarely intimate anymore, no date nights and stay away once a year at a lodge without the kids. I’ve never had an easy life and I’ve given my all to this relationship whole heartedly with my everything.
I nearly died after giving birth to my third child and I just feel so unappreciated, dress casual comfort clothes, rarely treat myself to anything and never go out with the girls that’s been 3 years.
I’m so sorry for the book I’ve written but I need to vent out and don’t want to cause another row.
Thanks for reading X
hi my partner is the same ive been with him 8 years i never noticed him stareing at other women but since i work all hours my relatoinships started to drift we go out on holidays shopping i recently find him stareing at other women n taking a second n third look i confronted him he said he looks at people in general funny how its allways women attractive women also half dressed or short skirt he said i was jealous n he believes in he can look but not touch by all means this is fair enough but when i have low self esteem n started to get jeolous and feel insecure he starts getting the hump = says im just jealous maybe i am but it doesnt make me feel good about myself when im standing or sitting nxt to him i want to leave him or just do things seperate cuz i cant handle this anymore he says he loves me n wants me and wants to marry me but hes making me feel even more worthless n unattractive than i allready do please help
there not fully satisfied with you, that’s why they do it. Many people would rather be with someone then be alone even though there not happy with that person
I’ve been married for 19 years to a man who used to accuse me of either knowing or flirting with any man that would walk past us on the street just because he happened to look our way! He would say, “Why did he look your way? Do you know him?”, it got to the point that I would look down at my feet just so that he wouldn’t say anything. But it is ok for him to go to an all nude strip club with his brothers and expect me to be ok with it! It made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him that he had to go to this club. I asked why he did because he knew it would upset me and said that it was no big deal because it is just a place to hang out as if it were like any other club or bar! He swears that I was on his mind and in his heart while he was there and that he wasn’t paying any attention to the strippers! Like I am supposed to believe that! If that is the case then why not go to a classy bar or club? Then he also has the habit of turning his head all the way whenever a lady in a tight dress walks by. He did it twice while we were having dinner together. I called him on it and he said that he didn’t realize he did it and that he looks at everybody that passes by. So I told him not like that you don’t! I also asked him if he turned his head like that when old ladies walk by or men? He got all flustered and defensive. I told him after all of the crap you put me through accusing me of flirting with guys just glancing my way and you disrespect me in my face? Why? I asked him if I was not enough for him and he said he only has eyes for me. I told him because of all of this I feel really bad about myself because he felt the need to hit up a strip club three times and stare at girls in tight dresses in my face.I makes me feel like I am no longer good enough. He told me to get over it and that I need help! That was like a slap in the face for me and now I don’t know what to do. He has told me for years that he is working on his behavior but he hasn’t tried. I have been faithful to this man even after all of this and have never done anything to disrespect him or our marriage but he thinks that this is normal married man behavior. Am I wrong or making a big deal about this? I feel confused.
I’m like the guy in the article. I can’t seem to help myself from noticing other women at times. I’ve been able to stop this at the workplace, for the most part. I’ve observed body language from attractive women that I’ve noticed before that hints that they are uncomfortable around me. I can be professional enough to stop doing that at work.
However, out in public with my wife? I don’t seem to be able to maintain the respect for my wife over long periods of time to be able to stop it. I think I’m being discreet, but my wife still sees my behavior. Not only that, I almost always deny it. This last happened Saturday at a store. I was pretty shameless at the time, practically following the woman around the store as I “browsed.” Ironically, when my wife called me out for having just looked at another woman in the store it was well after the woman I’d noticed had left. That’s the kind of monster-of-a-situation I’ve created. My wife is very sensitive to this behavior. It really, really hurts her. When she’s feeling vulnerable she watches me closely and looks for signs I’m doing it. There have been plenty of times when she’s accused me and I hadn’t done anything, but that’s the situation I’ve created.
You know, after she’s caught me looking at another woman and called me out on it. I feel a lot of shame. I’m upset that I’ve upset her. Sometimes I’m angry, either with her or with myself. I don’t know why I continue to do this.
Do you know how bad I am? This is kind of ironic. This is my first time on this website (I’d googled the topic) and when I saw Maj’s photo I was tempted to search the internet to look at more photos of her. Geez.
I’d never cheat on my wife, never in a million years. However, in her mind, in her value system, I might as well be.
So, my new trick that I’ll try is to go to one email account that I rarely use and send email from “my marriage” to my primary account reminding me not to do this – and other things I can do to help the health of our marriage. At work, I’ll set reminders to pop up just before lunch to prompt me to do that.
I’d just like to say to the men, it’s not just about her feelings, but it’s also about the health of the marriage and, by extension, our own happiness and sense of worth as husbands.
I suppose there will be the occasional stunner who’s hard to avoid noticing but stop it for her, stop it for your marriage, and stop it for yourselves.
My husband not only looks hard at other women, he also masturbates to them. He’s been doing it since he was 16 y o, he is now 66. When confronted he lies and tells me I’m over reacting, he just “looking in that direction”. After heated arguments he promises not to do it again. However, while having lunch at a restaurant yesterday, he became flustered when he saw the waitress he’s been fantasying over and had hard time remembering what to order. He tells me I’m crazy, I think he is. Which one of us has a serious problem?
I think its about the men… I think men are the ones with low self esteem issues. They seek other women through their eyes because they themselves don’t feel enough. I recently had a discussion with one of my old friends who describe that back in the old days men had multiple wives and a lot of children to help take care of the land, etc. we discussed how SOME men wanted to just spreed their seed.
I think that mentality is still present in when you hear men say “I’d hit that”, “I’d f-her” etc. Just sticking their penis into as many woman they possibly can, in the action to produce. (thankfully the seed part has change and condoms have been made.)
The men who make woman feel not enough, not pretty, not desired its because they themselves have nothing in them to offer.
Through many conversation with friends i have heard some men just can’t get it up. Some men struggle in the bedroom and need a little help/ boost they don’t feel the natural heat. Need visual to get it up. Lacking the confidence in themselves that they can pleasure their significant others so they fantasize on pleasuring others because guess what.. placed in that situation… they wouldn’t be able to perform either.
Some women need to feel an emotional connection and if men don’t make the women feel wanted, desired then they themselves can’t be turned on.
I think we live in a society that thankfully,things are changing and we don’t have to stay with any man who disrespects us.
Talking to your significant other and letting them know the things that bother us. Remember that what you tolerate will continue. Some people will turn it around and say women are jealous or lack self-confidence well .. there is a reason for it.. the men who continue to be pigs. If a man wants to eye women all the time, sleep with many women go for it just stay single and hurt no one. This is the same for women. Staying single if you cannot commit 100% that includes full respect.
Ladies, if the man your with cannot change his way then you know what, some guy out there is praying for a woman just like you. Dump the pervert and be patient the right person will come along.
These are modern times, no one has to be with anyone by force. Your boyfriends addicted to porn, and you don’t like it.. then remove yourself because it is not our jobs as women to change men.
The beautiful thing is we do not have to tolerate anything we do not like. Walk away and keep walking. Those men who do not change for themselves those are the ones hurting themselves.
we are enough ladies, we are beautiful, we are strong and you get to decide how your life turns out.
I have read many of the comments on this site. I want to say this as a reassurance to the women who are suffering. There are many people out there who have an undiagnosed personality disorder. They do not know they have it and the people around them don’t realise they have it. Their behaviour is something they find difficult to control and it is difficult for the person on the receiving end not to react. My best advise to you who are suffering is that if you have stated how you feel and the person does not respond to your needs then it is possible that they can’t because they do not see any problem with their behaviour. If they are projecting onto you this is gaslighting and a form of emotional abuse. It is likely that if you have been suffering for years without resolution then your partner does have a personality disorder. In which case you have two choices a) leave or b) suggest that you both attend therapy. Sometimes it can take a crisis for someone to come to the understanding that they are mentally unstable. I’m in no way making excuses but unfortunately it is a reality that many people with personality disorder are not diagnosed and they reek havoc on other people’s lives. Please get help.
I have an older boyfriend who is way more experienced than I am and has seen more than I have. It bothers me from time to time and I have cheated on him twice, once emotionally and once physically. The first time because I didn’t think we were that serious at first and I liked the new guy, and I feel the second time I cheated was because I cant stand him looking at girls anymore. We used to look at girls all the time and I would love it until he started talking to his ex and asked for naked pictures because of the first time I cheated on him. I have also been gaining a lot of weight and have seen the way he looks at other girls is not the way he looks at me, I hate being naked around him and I want to break up but he is always around and I dont know what to do anymore because i want to explore and experience new things like he already has