3 Natural ways to increase libido in women – (Easy and doable)
Do you want to feel your sex drive & libido more?
There are lots of ways to increase your lust and here I’ll share with you three natural ways to increase libido in women.
This goes for both women and men, actually!
These are ways that by no means require a lot from you; they are completely natural and they make perfect sense once you get it.
Tip #1 – Relaxation and restitution
A big part of your sex drive is actually dependent on how you feel, biologically!
Don’t worry, I won’t get started on a big lecture (I’ll leave my old biology teacher’s hat at home).
Basically, your sex drive and libido is reliant on your physical as well as your mental state.
So you know – how you feel!
Imagine that your sex drive is nothing but a biological survival mechanism that is here to ensure that you pass on your genes, and that you secure the survival of the specie.
Even though we live in a highly evolved part of the world, our Stone Age brain is still very present!
As the Swedish professor and author of the book “Den Sexuella Evolutionen” Göran Burenhult says, 100 % of our sexuality is to be found in our ‘reptile brain’ AKA our Stone Age brain.
So if you want natural ways to increase libido you´ve got to look at the biological survival mechanism.
All right Maj, what does this mean exactly?
Well, it means that if your body is in a state where you are very busy for long periods of time, if you’re stressed out, exhausted etc. and you took that body and put it somewhere in the Stone Age, it just wouldn’t make sense to procreate!
The logic behind this is:
“If you can’t even look after yourself, if you can’t be balanced. And if you’re in fight/flight mode the majority of your time, then you obviously can’t look after a child! + A child would ’’delay’’ the herd’s flight from whatever danger that may arise!’’
Your body thinks that there’s something “dangerous” out there when you, for the majority of your time, is unbalanced because you’re so busy!
And slowly but steady, your body will automatically tone down your “lust for procreation” (or what we also call sex drive) more and more.
Simply because it doesn’t make any sense to procreate if you’re ”escaping something”.
That’s all there is to it really.
You can’t change it.
It’s a fact.
You can’t change a fact but you can chose how you deal with it!
So what can you do?
You can make sure that you, from now on, make time for relaxation, rest, restitution, “starring out the window”, “time with no plans”, meditation; whatever makes you relax.
Time, where you don’t “do anything”.
Just time where you relax.
Don’t deal with anything.
Nothing at all.
Just relaxation time cranked up.
Take a deep breath.
And another one.
A deep breath where you FILL up your lungs and then just ask yourself if you miss relaxing and restitution?
(Let me tell you that if you are much like the majority of people in this country you’ll be thinking YEEEEESSS!!!!!)
Okay, so right now – yep – RIGHT NOW – I want you to make a deal with yourself: it’s time to turn this ship around.
Things will be different now!
Grab your calendar (if you have one) and take a look at where you can prioritise and plan relaxation time JUST for you.
This is a challenge, believe me, but it’s so amazing once you get used to the fact that this is ALSO one of the many things you need to do during the week and that this should ALSO be of high priority.
“Doing nothing time” is extremely underrated in this insanely-time-optimised-effective-production-minded society we live in.
We’re under constant pressure from right, left and centre to be more, to do more, to be the best possible version of ourselves and at the very same time we’re expected to do our own thing, have an amazing relationship, a lovely-looking garden and you know, the list goes on….
In this world today “doing nothing time” is, to a lot of people, very provoking!
I promise you though, that once you’ve practised this and once you start feeling the effect of you consciously turning up the balance in your life, you’ll also discover that (in addition to increasing your sex drive), there are a lot of other great “side effects”.
You’ll find that you’re more productive when you actually ARE doing something because, with relaxation, you allow your brain to think clearly, it’s easier for you to see the big picture, you’ll be better at structuring your projects, your days etc., etc.
You could say that if what you provide your Stone Age brain with is a really crappy work environment for longer periods of time, then your sex drive is (almost) guaranteed to be very low if not completely gone.
So start relaxing! 😉
Tip #2 – Strengthen the connection!
What are you on about?
What connection exactly?
I’ll tell you what connection I’m talking about!
It’s the connection to ”The Lovvvvveeeee muscle”, which the Americans and Jane Fonda calls it..
In Danish we’d call it ”pelvis” but come on… ”Love Muscle” sounds way cooler.
Well…. in my humble opinion anyway!
By now you might be sitting there starting to feel these nervous tics around your eyes and you get flashbacks to your training after giving birth, and you can (very vividly!) hear a voice screaming “clench!”.
Soooo you might feel like running away right now but please stay with me, I just want to tell you one thing!
This does not have to be something that takes up a lot of time in your daily life.
An English study from 2010 actually showed that 10 clenches of 8 seconds a day over a period of 6 weeks was enough to give ’results’ – if you know what I mean!
Throughout those 8 seconds, you clench more and more.
It’s funny… this clenching business; you almost can’t not clench when someone talks about it.
Isn’t that true?
One more time…
My point is, that (if you are much like most other people) you actually have a “lazy” pelvis; a pelvis which you haven’t created the optimal connection to!
And by ’lazy’ I mean that you’re un-trained.
Your pelvic floor muscles are not in good shape.
Much like a flat, untrained bottom!
It needs a New Year’s resolution and a gym membership.
Your muscles are simply flat, unused, untrained and if this were your arms, they’d be spaghetti-thin and you’d lose the arm-wrestle contest with a 7-year-old boy who only ate white bread and lollies!
And by ’connection’ I mean connection!
This means that you can’t feel, sense or register what is actually going on down there.
Maybe a little bit…
It is, however, very likely that you are actually only feeling a fraction of what you COULD be feeling; by training, of course.
This is all about training and about what you, professionally, call contact and body consciousness.
There are SO incredibly many places ”down under” where it’s like the connection has been cut or it even feels like a really shitty internet connection that just keeps disconnecting you!
There more ”contact” and ”connection” you have with ”The Love Muscle”, the more you can:
1) Feel when something is happening down there (through training you’ll increase the blood circulation and your contact with your nerves). Read: You’ll register your sex drive quicker, you’ll be turned on faster and it’ll feel much stronger when you do feel your lust, when you’re horny and you’ll feel all these nice sensations much more.
2) Get more out of sex once you get started on the funny business because you have a better contact, physically, to the area.
3) Use your muscles actively during sex to ensure more pleasure for both of you.
*** Please notice: I wrote: You will register your sex drive quicker….
A better connection gives you the possibility of sensing and registering your sex drive more.
Your email will send quicker if the internet connection isn’t being difficult.
It’s easier getting from A to B when there are no holes in the road, no ice on the road and no bad signage.
It’s easier for you to wiggle your ears once your muscle-connection is trained…
I think you get the gist of it 😀
So what can you do?
You can make sure that every single night, while brushing your teeth (this way it’ll be easier for you to remember to do your kegel exercises by doing them while performing an already consisting habit), do 10 clenches of 8 seconds each, clenching more and more from second one until second eight.
You’ll clench as much as you can by the eighth second.
Have a short 10 second break before starting your next clench.
● stand up
● even sit down
● stand on one leg
● do it while performing a handstand
● even do it lying on your back (brushing your teeth this way might be tricky though)
● do it while you squat.
● do it lying on your side.
You can do it in whatever position you prefer and you’ll notice that some are easier than others. If you want to be a top tuned Miss og Mr “Love Muscle Fitness”, you’ll learn to master all of these positions! 😉
Tip # 3 – Guard your sleep!
What century are you from, using words like this Maj?
I’ll tell you.
I’m from YOUR century.
One of this century’s absolute biggest lust-killers is really-crappy-really-shitty-low-quality-non-deep-waytoolittle-sleep!
Sleep is about a third of our life.
One of the most natural ways to increase libido is, to look at your sleep!
I´ll tell you why…
A good night’s sleep provides us with lots of energy to handle a new day, new challenges, new issues etc. AND also enables us to face the new day’s opportunities and makes us look for what makes us feel happy and for what gives us pleasure.
You fully understand the value of a good nights sleep when you have your first baby wake you up 4-5 times a night.
Years ago my husband was deployed to Afghanistan and he was taught about different methods of torture; what to expect if they were taken as hostages.
A lack of sleep or a constantly interrupted sleep was one of them!
Get. The. Point?
When my son Alfred won’t sleep at night, I usually tell him “that even McQueen has to park in the garage over night to let his engine rest, so he’s ready to race again tomorrow.”
During (a proper!) sleep, there are significant changes to be found in your brain activity.
What’s really important here is what happens to your hormones while you have your beauty sleep.
Yep, ALSO your sex hormones which, among other things, help control your sex drive.
Beauty sleep – think about that for a minute or two!
This expression certainly wasn’t just grasped out of thin air.
We honestly DO become more beautiful to look at (our face glows, we fill more energised) but we are also much nicer to be around because our behaviour becomes SOMEWHAT more reasonable (yes, and nice!) when you have had a good night of quality sleep!
But what does sleep have to do with the sex drive?
We’re going back to the Stone Age.
Remember what I wrote in my first #tip?
“If you can’t even look after yourself and if you can’t be balanced. And if you’re in fight/flight mode the majority of your time, then you obviously can’t look after a child. + A child would ’’delay’’ the herd’s flight from whatever danger that may arise!’’
It’s not a joke; our Stone Age brain is on the move again.
If you are sleep deprived EVERY DAY – which for every day that passes, it becomes bigger and bigger!
A Danish study shows that this is the case for 25 % of the Danish people.
Or maybe you are like one of the 44 % Danes who were asked, who said that they sleep less now than what you did 10-15 years ago?
If you fall into either of these boxes, the likelihood of your body wanting to procreate is very low; it simply doesn’t have the energy for it.
Wanting to procreate = a lust for sex
Another study shows that the mental surplus energy level is reduced for 50 % of Danish people who don’t sleep well while four out of 10 experiences to get extremely ratty with other people when they don’t get a good night’s sleep!
And then it might very well be the case that YOU still want to have sex but if you didn’t treat your partner very well, then they probably don’t really feel like making out and getting down and dirty with you that night!
Also… it’s a fact that not enough sleep and low-quality sleep give children ADHD-symptoms but that’s a whole other talk – or is it?
If a poor night’s sleep – or a lack of sleep – can affect children THAT much, then imagine what it can do to your brain?
What can you do?
→ Pick something to begin with.
One thing only.
Make it easy for yourself, otherwise you’ll just throw in the towel before the end of the week; don’t attempt to change all your routines in a heartbeat. That’s not what we’re after, right?
Start focusing on getting more hours of sleep each night than what you’re currently ticking in at – this is a good start!
If you, slowly but steady, start getting more zzzz’s under your belt each night – the hours your body actually needs – your body will ultimately start being a much better version of itself.
And if you have the opportunity to catch up on some sleep, that truly goes a long way too.
If you have young children, you could, for instance, take turns in looking after the little ones every Saturday and Sunday morning and let the other person have a “sleep-until-I-wake-up-morning”.
Go to bed before 10 pm and turn the lights off (AND keep your hands above the covers!) by 10:30 pm. This way you’ll get enough sleep.
A minimum of 8 hours.
That’ll be a great start!
Sleep tight 🙂
I hope you enjoyed reading my “3 Natural ways to increase libido in women”-tips.
Now, go test them of – I´ll promise you, you´ll get results in one way or the other.
Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and relationship therapist since 2006
Wanna learn more about libido & sex drive?
★ My partner won’t help me get my sex drive back – what do I do? ←
★ This is how Louise got her sex drive back – Hear her story right here ←
★ The Truth About Libido – And how to get it back ←
★ This is why your sex drive is affected by stress! And what you can do about it ←
★ My Online Workshop: “Get your sex drive back – And keep it for life” is now open for registration ←
Excellent and practical advice! Thank you for presenting a potentially delicate topic so tastefully.
Great tips and really fun to read! Thank you for sharing and it makes so much sense.
Great tips, thank you!
Great article! I definitely need relaxation and sleep. It’s so true how lack of sleep can make you crazy and miserable. It’s hard to think straight and get anything done when you’re so tired. I love your idea for parents to take turns letting each other sleep in on the weekend. It doesn’t happen enough. Moms need sleep, too!
Love, love, love what you say about sleep here! So many of my love coaching clients are just flat-out exhausted from trying to run everything. Having to muster up energy for their sex life on top of that just seems like another job and they are knackered already. Thanks for sharing this and communicating such an important concept with such grace and clarity. XOXO
This is honestly one of the most helpful articles on this topic I have ever read. You have given me hope that this is an area of my life I can work on and improve! You are so right that I never make time to relax or prioritize my sleep, and well I’m not clenching either, lol! 🙂 Thanks for such actionable advice 🙂