My husband got fired and everything’s gone downhill

Dear Maj,

My husband and I have known each other for 17 years and we have always had a lovely relationship until about a year ago.

My husband got fired from his job because of cutbacks.

He really loved that job!

And ever since, everything’s gone downhill…

My husband got fired - now he is depressed!

He’s always grumpy and moody and I’ve lost the desire to have sex with him.

I know that he’s looking for a new job but keeps getting rejected which makes him more and more depressed.

He’s also started watching porn online…

I’m not that bothered, I just wonder why he watches it.

At the yearly christmas party with our family he talked to his brother about the summerhouse he’s always wanted to buy and refurbish.

And now it’s as though it’s become an obsession that he HAS to have that house!

Our finances are stable enough since our mortgage and loans are almost paid off  but I’m very confused.

I really miss him and he seems so distant, can you give me any advice?

Best regards,

“The Nurse”


My husband got fired and everything’s gone downhill


Hi Nurse,

It’s a good thing that you wrote me!

Your husband is in crisis, or about to enter one.

Many people and in my experience many men often work on projects throughout their lives, whereas we women tend to do a little here and a little there in different contexts.

Men who have a mission, focus, and a sense of direction turn women on.

And men feel that they’re achieving something with their lives when they “do” something.

It´s all about the quality of life.

What makes his life worth living?

So my advice to you is to support your husband in buying the summerhouse.

If as you noted, it’s possible financially and that you’re able to see some sense in him having a different focus.

Imagine walking around Saturday afternoon, making a nice picnic basket and going out to your happy husband who’s finally found his zest for life again.

You can create a bunch of happy memories and enjoy good times in the new summerhouse.

Just imagine how romantic it can be sitting there on a dark autumn evening with candles lit, surrounded by the mess of renovations, eating takeout food on a blanket while listening to his plans for kitchen cupboards, flowerbeds etc.

One more thing…

That being said I also think you should talk to him about getting some help.

It would be best, so his negative and depressive thoughts don´t get him in the long run.

I can really recommend Metacognitive Therapy.

It is an “easy” form of therapy.

Because you work on how to deal with your thoughts instead of looking at all the bad thoughts you are thinking.

This is a relief for many people when the go into therapy – because they do not have to look at all the pardon my french “shitty thoughts”.


Instead you quickly learn new ways of dealing with those negative thoughts, do you can “park” them and let them be.

I´m many cases you do not need more then 6-8 sessions (they can even be online on Skype) before you are 100% free of your anxiety and depression.

You can find a list over trained metacognitive therapist from all over the world here: 

Maj Wismann gives advises - My husband got fired, everything's gone downhill

Many Caring thoughts,
Maj Wismann – Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Therapist with own clinic since 2006 – Read more about Maj here <—




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Wanna help?

*** Have you been in a situation like the frustrated woman who is asking “My husband got fired and everything’s gone downhill – what can I do to help?”? Have you experienced your partner being fired and depressed? Please share your experiences (and lessons) in the comments below. Remember, your comment might help someone else! And as always, thank you for sharing.

Please do remember that relationship issues are very vulnerable topics, so please keep your words positive and loving. Thank you. Please remember to keep a nice tone. ALL negative comments will be deleted immediately. I wish to create a positive and supporting space where we can support each other, and I therefore have a zero-tolerance policy towards rudeness, condescension, negative inputs and disrespect.


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