“I didn’t want to give my husband a hug; Cause I was already worried he’d want more…”

 

I want you to meet Louise.

Today Louise has a lot of sex drive and she doesn’t even think about her sex drive anymore.

This wasn’t the case 1½ years ago though!

Back then, her sex drive took up pretty much all the space in her daily life.

 

This is Louise sharing her story about how she got her sex drive back:

“Over about a 5-year period I found that my lust for my husband was decreasing. I didn’t want to hug him or cuddle him because I was worried that it would only start something I didn’t want to finish.

For instance, if I kissed him and hugged him and he then wanted to do more than that, I had to say no.

And it only got worse as time went on.

When he came home or if I came home, there was always something I just had to do; it wasn’t a “hello and a kiss”, rather a “hi, I’m just…” or “hi, I just need to put this over here….”

Any form of physical contact happened less and less.

I hadn’t actually lost the lust for sex in general. Sometimes I had a little bit of solo sex. And I thought something was completely wrong and I was upset and embarrassed.

I didn’t feel good enough; not as a wife nor as a lover.

Feeling embarrassed was what drained me the most and whenever we were around our friends and jokes were told about sex and women ’turning off the hot water’, I felt really upset and I’d always be very quiet.

That’s very unlike me.

I simply had no idea what to do!

I wanted to do something cause I loved my husband and I genuinely wanted to work something out.

We had a wonderful relationship and we also had some good routines and we worked well together when it came to our child – and later on, children.

We were a busy little family but not so busy so that we didn’t spend many hours together in our daily life.

Here was this amazing man who wanted me and who did so many things for us to have a good life together.

But everytime I thought of him touching me, I felt turned off and I just felt SO ungrateful and SO wrong.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why can’t you just give yourself to him?

I asked myself these questions again and again.

Constantly blamed myself!

I thought I should feel lust for him, that we should be doing what is such an important part of a relationship but I just couldn’t. And I couldn’t give myself to him. I even had thoughts that maybe I just didn’t know how to have sex anymore.

It even came to the point where I thought “what’s the point?”

Maybe sex was just some overrated bullshit. We had a good relationship without it. And I knew fair well that this wasn’t completely true, but it was just SO hard to feel so wrong all the time 🙁

I would lie awake from hours at night, just thinking about it.

I tried to pull myself up to do something.

Have sex just to give him something.

I tried having solo sex to keep my body active sexually, but this made me feel guilty.

How could I do that when I couldn’t do it with him?

I tried reading about it, but there wasn’t really much to find.

Some books said that I should just do it even though I didn’t want to and I tried doing this, but it was just crap.

I’ve done it more than once and I started crying in the middle of it; my husband was shocked.

So was I.

I was just so upset.

I felt so wrong and it was so embarrassing to talk about it.

We didn’t actually try and work out my sex drive, as a team.

It was difficult for us to talk about…

We really just tried to do it anyway, but that didn’t work at all.

We went away on weekends just the two of us, but this was no good either.

The pressure to have sex while we were away – and this being the reason for us going on these trips in the first place – was too big for me to handle and I didn’t even want to go.

And sometimes I’d lie about being on my period, just to get out of it. It makes me feel sad to think about it, even though it’s a long time ago.

 

 

Whatever we tried, NOTHING worked!

It only got worse and worse.

And it’s limited how many times you’re willing to put your hand on the hot plate; it’s not nice and it’ll only get worse, the more times you do it.

My husband had no idea what to do either!

We didn’t talk about it and I didn’t talk to anyone about it.

I was so ashamed of myself.

It seemed that EVERYONE else had such a good sex life and I sure as hell wasn’t going to share something so intimate with anyone.

Then I signed up for Maj’s online workshop about getting my sex drive back because I had to do something, and I realised that if things kept going like they did, we’d lose each other and I didn’t want that at all!

Everyday I got more and more upset about the whole thing; more and more embarrassed and ashamed.

I lost all the joy I used to have when it came to physical contact, sex and intimacy.

I lost myself a little bit.

A lot actually, now that I think about it.

I benefitted SO much from this workshop; I don’t even know where to begin!

The most important thing was probably that I stopped feeling wrong.

It was very liberating and it gave me courage to keep going with the workshop.

There’s always at least one logical reason as to why your sex drive disappears and this was so good to know! 

Now I could start looking for this reason – or reasons – from what the workshop taught me.

I could finally DO something!

Take action!

My husband and I spend a very long time going through the exercises for couples.

A very long time.

We had to start over; get to know each other’s bodies again and we gained a very important understand (my husband mostly, I guess) that women aren’t turned on the same way men are, and women don’t get turned on as quickly as men – the anatomical and physiological reasons are also explained in the workshop.

And then we started talking to each other – utilising the techniques we had been taught in the workshop.

We created a little space in our house with two chairs where we’d sit down once the kids had been tucked in. And we’d talk. We spoke about all the things that were occupying our minds.

One small topic at the time.

For us and for me it was very important that we spoke about everything and about nothing; big things and little things.

And he was totally on board with all of this because it wasn’t me who had told him to; it was Maj who explained to us how important the communication is in the online workshop. And to us it sure was.

It turned everything around when I got an actual understanding of what is going on inside my husband and vice versa. 

Nice and slow, more physical contact started to happen.

We hug each other more and we’d kiss more.

It was so nice.

And even though my husband got turned on when we did this – and told me – it no longer scared me. I had changed how I thought about it all.

Now I thought it was just really lovely that I turned him on so much.

To me, it has been amazing that someone else took all of these difficult thoughts I was having and took a good look at them; that’s what Maj does in this workshop. Recognised that feeling this way was completely normal.

I’ve even been a bit frightened thinking if Maj was actually a mind reader – she truly put into words so much of what I had been thinking and what I’d been embarrassed about.

I’ve often thought to myself that everyone in a relationship ought to go through this workshop.

Your sex drive will come and go.

It’ll fluctuate anyway, throughout your entire life and even if you haven’t got any issues, I still believe that this workshop can provide you with a fantastic background knowledge on what to do if it happens and what you can do to prevent it from happening.

As a couple you’re also given a language you now both know and something you can refer back to, both of you.

The workshop is ours forever and I’m sure we’ll listen to it again and again.

We even get updates and access when Maj add something new.

It’s such an interesting workshop and it’s obvious that a lot of good work has gone into creating it; listening to it again we can also make small adjustments to make it fit in with us (again). It just keeps getting better.

I know that it is a lot of money for most people but oh my… this has so been worth every cent!!!!! A divorce will cost you a great deal more than that. And what’s the alternative?

Walking around feeling upset?

To feel wrong?

Feeling embarrassed?

It’s such a waste of such a good life!

You can do something about it!

There’s so much you can do and you’ll learn it all in this workshop.

My best advice for you, who feels like I did, is this:

Stop searching the internet for advice which doesn’t work anyway and do yourself the favour of signing up for this workshop. Listen to it alone or together.

Please!

Even though you don’t actually think you’re having problems, the smallest adjustments can make your relationship so much better.

Communication was, for me, the biggest challenge of them all.

To learn to share my thoughts and feelings. Who am I, who are you, what I’m thinking… It made all the difference to me and my sex drive 🙂

And don’t have sex if you don’t want to have sex! It chips away a little bit of your soul each time and it does scar you. Do something to get your sex drive back. It really is possible. There are so many things you can do.

The knowledge I’ve been presented with through this workshop is mine until the end of time.

I often use this knowledge when I talk about sex in general with my girlfriends or if we discuss relationship issues etc. I, of course, use the knowledge in my relationship too.

We now know the same things about sex drive and it makes it a lot easier for us to talk about it all. And my sex drive is back.”

Do you want to join the workshop ”Get your sex drive back and keep it for life”?

Read more about my anonymous online workshop right here <——-

 

Look after yourself until next time ❤

Love & take care,
Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and couple’s therapist with private clinic since 2006 – read about Maj here <—

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna read more about sex drive?

★ My partner won’t help me get my sex drive back – what do I do? <——-

★ This is why your sex drive is affected by stress! And what you can do about it <——-

★ This is why you shouldn’t necessarily have sex! <——-