Is something wrong with me?

So many people ask themselves: “Is something wrong with me?”

It's something I hear a lot when people settle into my soft couch at the clinic.

The tricky thing about this question is, that you don’t ask it and then examine whether there’s any truth to it.

Oh no...

The answer lies within the question as a forgone conclusion.

You've already decided that there IS something wrong with you.

Something wrong with your reactions, with your emotions, and the way you behave, etc.

So you've already made up your mind and you’re hit with an emotional onslaught.

Perhaps you are sad, unhappy, insecure, or feeling something completely different.

Regardless, it’s always negative emotions that you're dealing with.

They jump up and dance because you’ve already bought into the belief that YOU are in the wrong.

And because you put this discovery in the form of a question...

Well...

It continues to cycle over and over in your head while doubt and uncertainty take over your mind.

STOP!

NOW!

Is something wrong with me - A question women often asks themself

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Buy maybe we need to dig deeper to understand your doubts.

Funnily enough, we have a tendency to believe that seemingly ‘irrational’ emotional reactions are reserved for children and teenagers.

But this is not the case.

Let me give you an example

Take for example the woman who discovers that her husband has been unfaithful (to use a dramatic example).

The man confesses, is humble and incredibly sad about the situation.

He’ll do anything possible to rectify the damage and he assumes full responsibility.

They come into my practice - she cries and scolds, and he apologizes.

We create a plan to work on reestablishing trust while making every effort to strengthen the foundation of the relationship in order for their love to grow from there.

Often I will schedule a couple of individual sessions with her and this is when her true thoughts come out (please note the constant self-criticism):

"I should just get over it."

• "I am so unhappy, angry, sad and furious all the time. Why can't feel differently?"

• "One minute I'm happy that he’ll work on the relationship and he says sorry and the next minute I’m ready to kill him. It's not normal, why can’t I just be happy all the time?"

• "I just want to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. But I feel I’m being unfair because he’s trying so hard to correct what he has done - I should just be thankful."

• "Is there something wrong with me?"

Is something wrong with me - Negative thoughts

No, sweetest friend, there's nothing wrong with you.

But your system is in shock over the situation.

And when you’re in shock, you respond quite differently.

It’s only human!

People are made of flesh and blood.

- With thoughts, feelings, sensations, a complex body and a beating heart.

So when something happens that tears you out of the daily grind in an oh-not-so-nice way, then it’s quite normal that you react emotionally and perhaps even physically too.

It’s a healthy reaction from a healthy body to a less-than-healthy experience!

Is it uncool?

Yes, damn it!

Wouldn’t it be convenient and efficient if we could take two days on the couch with tissues and then rise again, completely unaffected and ready to shimmy out just fine?

But you're not a robot!

And if you expect that you can fake being a robot that can hide your feelings - think again.

You have to let time work it´s magic.

And you have to understand that nothing is wrong with you .

Your reaction is natural.

It’s perfectly okay.

Otherwise you’d be completely out of touch with your true values or unable to recognize when others have violated your boundaries, etc.

So remember one very, very important thing: when you start asking yourself the question "Is something wrong with me?", remember to do a quick mental check-in with yourself and ask whether the answer you’re giving yourself is true.

Without revealing too much, I can tell you that I N-E-V-E-R in my time as a therapist found that: "Yes, something is wrong with you. We'd better call the ‘emotional police’ so they can come and put you in the corner."

Is something wrong with me - Maj Wismann gives adviseTake care of yourself.

Love,
Maj Wismann – Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Therapist with own clinic since 2006 - Read more about Maj here <---

 

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. yiye zhang

    Hey Maj,
    loved it!! thanks for your insight and in-depth discussion on this topic!
    Yiye x

    Reply
    • Maj Wismann

      Hey Yiye – Thanks for your comment 🙂 And I promise you it won´t be the last post on this topic 🙂

      Love,
      Maj

      Reply
  2. claire

    Great post Maj! Really insightful, well-written, and so thoughtful and useful – thank you!

    Reply
    • Maj Wismann

      Hi Claire – Thank you very much – It means so much to me that my posts are useful 🙂 And have a wonderful weekend.

      Love,
      Maj

      Reply
  3. Heather Thorkelson

    Maj, this is a great post and I think you touch upon a very important point: sometimes when we ask a question of ourselves (i.e.; Is something wrong with me?) we have already decided on the answer. It’s so important to recognize this, and realize that we have to forgive ourselves before we can forgive others. Forgive ourselves for the natural anger and hurt we may be feeling – because it’s TOTALLY OK! I think your blog posts are going to help a lot of people, my friend. 🙂 Keep up the good work!

    Reply
    • Maj Wismann

      Hi Heather, I totally agree and I think it´s a matter of consiousness – the more we know about how we think and why we react the way we do the easier it is to see if we are on a wring path in our thoughts.

      And boy, we need to know otherwise our thoughts will control all our behavior and we think we cannot do anything about it, it becomes just the way it is.

      And yes, it´s sooooo normal 🙂

      🙂

      Reply

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