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Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and relationship therapist since 2006
Good morning, me and my wife broke up and I need to get back to her. I have talked to her and about how to fix the issues, then we started texting and we had long conversation about future, it was a good talk warm and nice. After we finish she started texting me about how I check other woman in front of her. I told her I have change all the things we talked a bout even this I will not let it happen again. Please you are my only hope to help me with my wife to get back together. I beg you to help me and respond. I am without her nothing. I love her so much. Please I really need you to help me
I’ve been married for 30 years and I just found out a year ago that my husband has been involved in cyber sex for over 12 years and pornography for as long as we have been married with it becoming a problem within a few years of marriage. He had phone sex when we had been married about four years and I was devastated and shocked. He claimed he would not do that ever again. After seven years of marriage I found porn videos in our house…the very night I went into labor with our first child to boot! I was so angered. Its been a hard marriage. He kept it all hidden and underground for many years. Going on sites to cybersex when I was sound asleep and the kids were in bed. He said sometimes he would wake up at three in the morning to do this. He also went online for cybersex at work so that I would not find out He went on the site Ashley Madison to cyberchat. I have logs from the site and 68% of his time cyber chatting was done at work! He could have jeopardized our financial situation if caught. He has seen a therapist and has been officially diagnosed as a sex addict. Just so upset and disgusted by him. He is not the man I thought I married. He has led a double life for almost as long as I have known him. It is awful. I now understand why so much of the time I felt lonley. It has affected me so much that I am now irritable and not myself.
Having had issues earlier regarding the same matter, it still pops up every now and then.
Couple of years ago, I had found out that my husband was hooked onto FB checking out my friends and his ex girlfriends. It so happened that when I confronted him, he bluntly denied saying it must have just opened though he was stalking them almost everyday. This hurt me. I understand some people look different and beautiful. But this broke me as I just had a baby at that time. So this war went on for a year and now I just don’t trust him like I used to. Mainly cos he was dishonest. Even to this date he denies everything. Says that I’m assuming. It’s not a big crime but recently I was on instagram and was flipping the images and her picture opened up and a friend who was curious, checked her picture out to which my husband responded, show him the other pictures of her. He will be really happy to see her. My heart just sank there. I don’t know if he will ever understand what i am going through. I tried making him understand that it hurts me when he checks out my friends and his other exs. Though he doesn’t do it front of me, I bet he checks them out on social network or any other platform. I don’t understand his urge to see them and the way his eyes light up when he views their images. Am I not good enough? Do I lack something? Will he ever tell me the truth? Will this ever stop?
Would truly appreciate your advice on this on… so I feel repulsed and terrified by the thought of my boyfriend seeing other girls naked, watching Porn, seeing attractive girls in general etc. In case he likes what he sees and I become not good enough. I have never found porn on his history (although I have found deleted history) but I feel if I ever did, I would be absolutely heartbroken and wouldn’t know if I could carry on being in the relationship. He has also went on holiday for a week with his friends last year and I had the worst anxiety and couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t handle the thought of him seeing other girls on the beach or potentially meeting girls on a night out or whatever. Anytime he goes out without me I have this horrible feeling in my stomach,always sweat so much and never manage to sleep terrified of the uncertainty of what’s going on and who he is/could be with.
He’s never cheated on me so I feel I may be carrying this fear from my past but it is absolutely killing me and affecting my relationship. I don’t understand why am I so afraid or where my fear comes from… I want to feel confident in my skin but I just seem to always look for things I could improve on myself to impress my boyfriend more. Just never seem to be happy and feel good enough in myself. Sometimes I have caught him looking at other girls which really doesn’t help but it was only a couple of times but even those 2 times left a massive impact on me.
Is there a way I can get rid of this or at least improve on it? I don’t even know if this is fear or jealousy or lack of self esteem or all of those at the same time but it’s exhausting, it’s as if I can never relax anymore… would really appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you in advance
My husband sexts with more than 1 other women. When confronted he lied to me and continued to delete calls and msgs immediately. But i still have some proofs. When confronted he becomes violent saying i dont trust him, i am more important and blah blah. But i dont see that importance in his behaviour. Why does he do that? Is it time to move on? I have even asked him about this that im ready to move on. But he insists he loves me. But i cant trust him and he still continues to delete all logs.
Hi Maj, I am 47 years old dating a 35 years guy who says that he loves me so much and I must just feel free to love him without any doubt. I have a car and he doesn’t have car, there was an incident were he went to his ex-girlfriend without me knowing. Then the second time he went and give another ex-girlfriend a lift, then coming back he told the sister about what happened and he said his felt bad about what happed because he knows that I love him so much and how will I feel if I found out. Then again I went out with my daughter I left him with my car, to give him a befit of a doubt as he was complaining that I don’t trust him to him my car and drive around alone. So he went out to attend a wedding with his friend without me knowing, Then later in the evening I tried calling him to come fetch me, he didn’t answer my calls but I kept on calling, eventually he answered and I ask his whereabouts and why is not answering my calls and with whom is he with…Then he started mumbling and said no I am with friend so and so…then I said to him “please do me favour don’t drop the phone start the car and please come fetch me put that phone on Bluetooth and he wanted to explain to me that no his coming, so I insist that he must not drop the phone, immediately he dropped it. And my guards feelings were telling me that his with someone in the car and a female person which I was correct, he confessed later after 5 months. So he is working for a company which they go to work on Mondays then comes back Fridays during the day.
My recent challenge is this days, we use to call each other every hour but at the time I was working he was not. But I use find my way out to talk to him, though it was not easy due to my work. So things were simple on his side and beside that when he started working, we will talk a lot when he wakes up, after taking a bath, on his way to get to the car,until he gets to the work gate and he will also tells me when he arrives. We will talk during tea break, lunch time after work on his way back home, even when they go to the mall he will let me know even after shopping or buying food. He will let me know before taking evening bath and also after. And even by the time we goes to bed, we will talk until we ran out of airtime. But lately no more ten times calls,sometimes when I call, he just cut me off and say he will call me later his busy with his friend at the Mall. Sometimes one to two hours will pass waiting for his call. Then I will asking him that why he did call me immediately after shopping. Then on Thursday he went to the mall to buy food, he call my number it just rang twice as I was about to answer he put the phone down. Then when I tried to returned the call immediately he didn’t answer. Then later again after twenty minutes I called again then he answered, and he started telling me that his buying Mc Donald and his colleague went to KFC so his waiting for them to fetch him and he will talk to me when he gets to his hotel room. Then after 5minutes the phone ring, it him calling me, but unfortunately he didn’t dial. The phone automatically dialled itself because the last dialled number it mine on his side. So I Kept on saying hello’ unfortunately there was no one talking and unfortunately I heard his excited voice talking. So I started to listen to his conversation, he was telling his friends that at Macdonld He bump into this other lady driving Renault and he asked her the telephone numbers, she gave him and even telling him that he can call anytime, So the colleague mood were all very high and I heard his room buddy saying to my boyfriend don’t worry if you want to bring her tomorrow don’t stress, I will move out of the room and she can come sleep. Unfortunately the phone went off, I think it was because of network. So when he gets to his room he ask if he could take a bath and will talk after, So I then I ask him immediately about what I heard. Then he started telling me long old stories that I don’t trust him and he said it before that I should trust him. So I was angry I called his sister to come witness what I am hearing over the phone, because three days before we had misunderstanding as I was crying so he called his sister the come talk to me because I said to him in the morning, I am moving out. Then the sister said I am very much disappointed how can you do such thing then he apologised and “say I was teasing my friend in the car”, I was not serious. And this thing of phone redialling my number its not the first time. The first time he said, he was approaching the stop sign then he saw a group of ladies and he sopped to complement one of them, which I heard every conversation.My question is how can I trust this person because got lots of things that his doing behind my back that makes me to be jealous and he turns around to say “please free to love me”. I just feel drained in this relationship which is ten months old relationship. Or do I feel insure because my age?
May I ask you question please if you don’t mind can low dopamine cause premature ejaulation because I have got extreme PE problem since 17 years old I believe something wrong with me genetically I’m 44 years old now thanks for help
I have been with my boyfriend 8yrs. We met in high school and dated when we were 21. I lost my virginity to him. Everyone always says how perfect we are for each other and we both believe it too. But he does something that is so hard for me to get over that I am now contemplating whether or not I should be with him still. I know men save pictures of other women to their phone like porn stars and this bugged me at first. But I know that men have stronger sexual instincts so I learned to deal with it. I had a hard past with my father and he was unfaithful to my mom and my step dad was also unfaithful to her. So my mind does swirl when this happens. I know he saves these pictures because I snooped his phone which I know is a no no but women’s intuition proved to me that he was hiding this from me. Now I got over that until last night when something told me to look and I found pictures of a coworker on his cell. Taken from her Facebook. She has a bf and they never talk, that I believe. He works with 1000 people in a building and has no women friends except our mutual ones. I confronted him last night and he reassured me he doesn’t know her or talk to her and in fact was so mad I thought he was cheating because he would never. He gets upset when our friends do that or even in movies. Now I believe him. He hasn’t given me reasons not to except now. He had to get close enough to see her name on their work badges then took the effort to Facebook her and save pictures. Today is my 30th birthday and I can’t eat or sleep. I love him with all my heart and want to believe that he wouldn’t pursue anything but knowing how much this bugs me and the fights we have had not to mention the trauma from my childhood with trust and many other things I thought he would just save porn stars and never people he could talk to if he wanted or see everyday. How am I suppose to go back to work Monday and know he is in the same building as this person. Please help me to understand whats going on here and how I should deal with it or advice to get me through. He tells me he loves only me and I know he even bought an engagement ring this year but this is so confusing. He tells me I’m beautiful but when this happens I feel ugly and not good enough for him. They are so different looking than me that it weakens any confidence I do have. Thank you!!
Hey!I am 25 years old and just recently lost my virginity (3 months ago) and since on sex is not fun. I have feeling in my clit and enjoy that but when it comes to my vagina or penetration its either very painful and in a weird pressure feeling or a feeling of nothing. Is this normal? Is my vagina broken for it to feel numb. I don’t get any good tingly feelings. I want to be able to make my man happy but also a little selfish and would like to enjoy the act as well. I am panicking a little not going to lie and feel like something is wrong with me. IS there anyway to get more feeling or learn to enjoy it. Any tips would be helpful.
I have a problem in my relationship.
I have some serious trust issues about my boyfriend. I love him, he loves me and we have had a serious relationship for about 2 years now. But there is just some feeling in my gut that i can’t let go. I just don’t trust him.
Everytime he goes out with friends i get jealous, when he talks to girls i get jealous, etc. And i’m not even a jealous person. He’s just… withholding information about everything. And he doesn’t seem to think withholding information is bad. He lies to me, when i ask if he can stop party smoking for me he said he would change, but he didn’t change. When i asked him to sent a message to a friend of his to stop shoving girls in his face when he is drunk, he said he sent the text but he didn’t sent it (i checked, i know i shouldn’t snoop but i just don’t trust him).
When we had a conversation when i told him i didn’t trust him, we eventually landed on the topic of him or me kissing another person. He said it wasn’t cheating and didn’t get it when i said it would shatter my heart when he kissed another person. It’s nothing “special”.
I hate this. I hate feeling like this. But i don’t want to break up with him. I love him too much. Can you please help me? I’m desperate and don’t know what to do.
(sorry for my broken english, it’s not my first language)