/* ]]> */

Do you have a question for Maj?

– Right here you can read more than 62 articles, guides, Q&A´s about love, sex and relationships <——

Would you like to ask relationship questions and receive an answer from Maj about love, relationships or sexuality?

If you have a question to ask sexologist and couple’s therapist Maj Wismann, you’re more than welcome to write to her right here on Majwismann.com

Her Q&A handles everything from love to sex and relationship questions.

Because I receive A LOT of questions every single week, I unfortunately am unable to guarantee that you receive an answer to your question, but I will do whatever I can to try and keep up and to answer as many questions as I possibly can.

How to ask relationship questions to Maj about love and sex?

Write down your question by scrolling down on this page to find the section for leaving a comment.

Put in your name and your e-mail address.

You’re more than welcome to write an “anonymous Q&A name” that you make up; you don’t actually have to write your real name.

You do, however, have to put down your correct e-mail address.

Not to worry though!

I’m the ONLY person who will be able to see this.

When you’ve done that, you ask your question about relationship, love and/or sexuality in the comment section.

Please do remember that due to the high number of question I receive each week, there’s NO guarantee that your question will be answered. You can, of course, follow the Q&A right here:

Follow the blog and Q&A to check if your question has been answered <—

I’m so excited to answer your question and help you move on with your relationship, your love life or your sex life.

If you wish to receive some help right NOW, please feel free to check out my free online courses; there are 2 different ones to choose from and you can download them for free right away.  ———–> You can view them all right here

Love,
Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and relationship therapist since 2006

 

 

Write your question in the comment section below ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

20 Comments

  1. Bandar K Alabbas

    Good morning, me and my wife broke up and I need to get back to her. I have talked to her and about how to fix the issues, then we started texting and we had long conversation about future, it was a good talk warm and nice. After we finish she started texting me about how I check other woman in front of her. I told her I have change all the things we talked a bout even this I will not let it happen again. Please you are my only hope to help me with my wife to get back together. I beg you to help me and respond. I am without her nothing. I love her so much. Please I really need you to help me

    Reply
  2. M.are

    Hi Maj,

    Mines a freaking doozy. I don’t even know where to begin actually. I guess I’ll begin like this. Me and my husband have been married about 1 year and 6 months now. But we’re been dating for about 8 years. We’re high school sweet hearts. And even tho he had few girlfriends before me he was actually my first boyfriend. Anyways. Throughout our relationship I’ve noticed he tends to look at other women. At one point early on in our relationship he messaged all his exs reminiscing about their time together while he was dating me. Reminding them about them dating. And later he would message girls on Craigslist trying to hook up. I never confronted him. And I still have never said anything to him to him. But I let myself forget about that because I don’t know why now. I think I was just scared to be called a snoop. And now I find myself in the sam pickle. Now that we’re married I once asked him if he ever looked at other women and/or porn. I’ve decided to be open with him and say porn is okay and such and that I wouldn’t even mind watching it together some day. He didn’t say anything to that but he was very insistent that since we were married he made a commitment to me and if he was just gonna look at other girls he wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Now imagine my surprise when I notice he’s been looking up women almost every night. Minimum at least 3-4 times a week. And sometimes he’ll still look women up on Craigslist. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to bring it up. Every time I’ve found out I come across his actions by accident. And then when I start looking for real I see all of what he’s been doing. And it just hurts because he lied to me. He lied even after I said it would be okay. I’d rather him be honest but he keeps doing this to me and I don’t really know what to do.

    Reply
  3. RoseM

    Hi Maj,

    Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and i would say we have a very strong relationship. The question i have is: is it normal for your boyfriend to talk about other girls with their friends, usually with rather sexual undertones and sometimes just plain sexually?

    My boyfriend has new friends who he hangs around with in his course he is doing, and they always talk about the other girls within their course, their looks and they often give zero thought to the girls feelings, they just objectify them. I’m already quite self-conscious and insecure with myself and this makes me feel much more so.

    I confronted my partner and told him that it made me uncomfortable and he denied it and hid evidence of any gawking- he’d shown me his phone once and i saw that him and his friends sent each other photos and messages of these girls they know. He told me it was ‘nothing,guys do it’, and while i know that he would never ever cheat, it still makes me feel upset. He stopped talking this way about girls while on break but hes only 3 days back in his course and hes back at it again.

    How do i talk to him without him thinking i’m being crazy and over jealous? Is this normal for all guys?
    thanks

    Reply
  4. Anjali

    this is not everytime he does when we make out, but sometimes when we are having sex my husband wants to see videos like playboy/hot girls photoshoot/a hot girls image/something like that. i will not mind if he will watch porn but it makes me very uncomfortable and insecure when he does that. But this is also true he will never check out girls on road.
    And also he will ask me before he watches it.i don’t know what to say.
    i am very confused & also very stressed thinking, is he not sexually happy with me?

    please clear my confusion 🙁

    Reply
  5. Carolyn

    Hi
    I have been with my fiancé for 4 years now and say the 1st year in a half I never say him look and checking other women but now that’s all he’s seem to do even when I’m with him he is consistently looking and checking out other younger females 24/7 — 7 days a week like here’s perfect sample explain him if we go to the mall or something and he happens to see hot female he’ll literally miss 10-15 parking spots just so he can park by her so he can check her out right in front of me he opens doors for other women and he will even wait for them to come to the door and all the movies we watch sometimes I wonder if there are mini pron because all movies are is boobs ass & pussy All the time he tells me I’m jealous he’s stop having sex with me our sex life has drastically dropped he tells me that I imagine him looking and checking out other females cause he says he’s not at all doing this I feel like I’m not good enough I feel im not what he really truly wants even though he’s tells me I’m everything he wants and he can’t figure out why I get upset or mad he can’t understand that it hurts me he has told me before if I ever saw him looking at another female it was only because they were unique something unique caught his attention like really I’m not stupid the reason hes looking is because they’re hot they blow me all the water but he tells me I’m jealous I have no competition I’m only woman for him but he’s consistently looking and checking out other females he says he doesn’t care about sex doesn’t want sex he’s going to be 49 but that is true then why is he consistently looking and checking out the younger females and DOSENT just look once he looks to three times with the same female and he wonders why I have no self-esteem or self-confidence and consistently put myself down he can’t figure that out I need help i’m going to explode I need someone to talk to you can you please talk to me

    Reply
  6. Celia

    if my husband see a girl that looks good from the back he does everything in his power to hang about until he can see her face. My husband is a couple of months off Sixty if the young woman was walking by i would overlook it does any one else have this problem.

    Reply
    • Alfee

      Hi Celia, I noticed the same problem with my now ex-boyfriend. It got really bad. We would go somewhere and he would start immediately looking at all the women like they were live stock. Some of the tricks he would play would be to slow down walking so I would be ahead of him so he could look behind my back. He would also see women walking by and then make an excuse to show me something in there line of walk so he could get another look. If we were out eating and you had to pay at the counter and the counter girl was pretty, he would get up to pay before I was ready, so he could flirt before I got there. When I said something to him, he would pretend like he doesn’t remember looking at anyone. It didn’t matter if the lady was by herself, with her boyfriend or husband or even with her dad or family. I started paying attention and age was just about not a limit. Not only did it hurt my feelings, but it is just disrespectful. When my 20yr old daughter’s friend came over while we were leaving and he leaned forward to check her out at the door as we were pulling off, that was just creepy to me and I had to let him go. It got to the place where I didn’t want to go anywhere with him because I knew I would leave feeling bad. I’m like you, I can overlook him looking at women in passing because we all look at people, but the tricks to get looks just got sad. Wish I knew what in his personality caused him to continue to try that.

      Reply
    • Diana

      Hi Celia,

      I understand you SO well!
      I have just turned 50 and my husband is to be 65 in January. We have been married for a couple of months.
      He tells me that I am his whole world and universe and he loves me dearly; however, he does not miss one passing butt!!! It hurts me so much! I feel insecure even though I am a good looking woman and does not look 50 at all.
      I spoke to him about it on numerous occasions, cried, explained that I feel disrespected…His response is that he has been doing it for many years and it’s very hard to get rid of this habit. But “he does not mean to hurt me and is trying …”.

      Reply
  7. Pearl

    Hi. I have been married to my husband for 3 years now. Most of the time he does appreciate me and he tells me am his soulmate. However there are times I feel that he’s rude towards me in his words. He has spoken of few of his past relationships and he had met these women on a matrimonial website… and yes they were prettier than me. But it just so happened that he met me on this website as well and we got married. Just few months back one of those women tried to contact him via email. He had replied to her in a polite manner that he was already married to me and wasn’t interested in her. But the woman kept writing to him trying to meet him. And in his last reply he did agree to meet her. But when I found out about his emails he told me he wasn’t interested in her and wasn’t planning to meet her.

    But I realised that in all his replies to her he had been polite and never said anything like ‘can u stop writing to me’ or ‘ pls don’t contact me.’ He just kept replying her. It seemed as though he had a soft spot for her.

    And sometimes when we both have conversations he easily gets mad with me and doesn’t even think twice before saying things that could hurt my feelings.
    After he argues he also remains angry with me for many days.

    It seems like when it comes to me he thinks he can talk or argue however he wants, but I feel like when it comes to outsiders or friends from his past, especially women, he is more polite and gives more respect for them.

    Could this be because they are more prettier than I am? Are men generally polite towards prettier women than to their wives?

    Reply
  8. makenzie thompson

    hi maj,
    so there’s this new girl in my group of guys and she keeps taking them from me. they tell me that she is trying to “get rid of me forever” and that they are her guys. it makes me pissed off at her. first of all one of the guys is my bf. She tells them bad things about me, SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME. how do I stop this????????

    Reply
  9. Brandon

    I just discovered your site and found that your advice is solid and fair. Its clearly designed for women though so perhaps I shouldn’t even be writing here. But a few men have so here goes.
    To ever discern wisdom about ANY issue, a person has to first step away from the “Its all about me” position. Nothing is “all about you” or ALL about anybody. If its about a relationship, then its automatically about at least TWO people. Both have value. And, regardless of what your girlfriends tell you, if you don’t take into consideration what your man is thinking, you will never find a real answer to your problem.
    I’m afraid that, despite Maj’s attempt to be fair, the little cartoons of google-eyed men reveals that she still panders to the stereotype of men. I realize that upset women probably like those pictures but they do harm and don’t help. I am in my sixties and have observed that there are two kinds of women in the world – good women and not-so-good women. And, likewise, there are good men and not-so-good men. Is there anybody out there who would seriously argue with this logic?? Isn’t it pretty basic? Didn’t you see this in kindergarten even? Some kids were nice, some were not. Gender IS NOT THE ISSUE.
    And so, for me the reason I was even on this site is because I’ve been in a close relationship with a woman for nearly a year. We’ve talked about marriage. I absolutely adore this woman in so many ways. We laugh a lot together. We are kind to each other’s families. We attend church together and we pray together. With all those considerations, I’d be very much ready to propose. So, here’s the problem.
    She has a real problem with staring at other men when we are out on a date. I’m a successful professional man and stay in fairly good condition. I am interested in her work, ask about her family members regularly, take her to nice places. But this keeps coming up. We were at one restaurant and, while seated and eating, the manager with whom she had been locking eyes all evening actually came up and asked if he could buy her a drink. (Still think its my imagination?)
    Each time I’ve tried to talk to her about it, she gets defensive, says it didn’t happen and accuses me of being “controlling.” (You know, ladies, that term that is quickly tossed out any time a man has an opinion on ANY subject.)
    We had the last discussion yesterday. I told her that, even though I fully love her, I can’t be married to a person who has this inclination of eye flirting with other men in my presence. It is simply disrespectful to me and it encourages disrespect for her from those other men.
    So I welcome any thoughts about this. A quick internet search will reveal that this is NOT an isolated problem. It happens a lot with sneaky men staring at women but just as much with women who see no problem with flirting while with their own man. At this point, I feel that, since she won’t admit it or talk about it honestly, there isn’t much hope for a marriage. That’s sad because I so admire her in every other way.
    It was pointed out on this site that, if the offender won’t admit the offense, then there isn’t much chance of it changing. So I’m not encouraged at this point since she insists it doesn’t happen.
    I welcome any fair objective comments or suggestions. Hopefully, the bashers who tell themselves that ANY problem in a relationship is automatically the “man’s fault” will abstain from comments. However, I do appreciate any remarks from those who do remember the kindergarten lesson: Some people are good, some are not so good. Applies to both men and women.

    Reply
  10. Rohit Mahato

    Hello Sir, I am male of 24 years. I have had sex with a non-virgin. I have no experience of sex with a virgin. My question is, Is there any difference between having sex with a virgin and non-virgin, especially in terms of physical and psychological aspects for men.

    Reply
  11. Sandra Olijnyk

    Hello,
    I’ve been married for 30 years and I just found out a year ago that my husband has been involved in cyber sex for over 12 years and pornography for as long as we have been married with it becoming a problem within a few years of marriage. He had phone sex when we had been married about four years and I was devastated and shocked. He claimed he would not do that ever again. After seven years of marriage I found porn videos in our house…the very night I went into labor with our first child to boot! I was so angered. Its been a hard marriage. He kept it all hidden and underground for many years. Going on sites to cybersex when I was sound asleep and the kids were in bed. He said sometimes he would wake up at three in the morning to do this. He also went online for cybersex at work so that I would not find out He went on the site Ashley Madison to cyberchat. I have logs from the site and 68% of his time cyber chatting was done at work! He could have jeopardized our financial situation if caught. He has seen a therapist and has been officially diagnosed as a sex addict. Just so upset and disgusted by him. He is not the man I thought I married. He has led a double life for almost as long as I have known him. It is awful. I now understand why so much of the time I felt lonley. It has affected me so much that I am now irritable and not myself.

    Reply
  12. The Sensitive One

    Hi Maj,

    Having had issues earlier regarding the same matter, it still pops up every now and then.

    Couple of years ago, I had found out that my husband was hooked onto FB checking out my friends and his ex girlfriends. It so happened that when I confronted him, he bluntly denied saying it must have just opened though he was stalking them almost everyday. This hurt me. I understand some people look different and beautiful. But this broke me as I just had a baby at that time. So this war went on for a year and now I just don’t trust him like I used to. Mainly cos he was dishonest. Even to this date he denies everything. Says that I’m assuming. It’s not a big crime but recently I was on instagram and was flipping the images and her picture opened up and a friend who was curious, checked her picture out to which my husband responded, show him the other pictures of her. He will be really happy to see her. My heart just sank there. I don’t know if he will ever understand what i am going through. I tried making him understand that it hurts me when he checks out my friends and his other exs. Though he doesn’t do it front of me, I bet he checks them out on social network or any other platform. I don’t understand his urge to see them and the way his eyes light up when he views their images. Am I not good enough? Do I lack something? Will he ever tell me the truth? Will this ever stop?

    Reply
  13. Thunder

    Long story…. 18 months ago my husband left for the ow. He pretended to move into a flat with a friend and his son(18 from first marriage). We been together 14 years. He is 50. I am 41 and we got a daughter (10). During the first 8 months of our separation he was telling me we will make it throught and we will grow old together and he didnt want to tell his family we separated. Little did i know that during that time his flamate was the ow.. after i find out we decided we wanted to be friends.. i offered to be amicable with the ow for our d sake. Anyway for about 6 months he lied to me about their relationship. Saying he couldnt pop in to see our d cuz the ow would give him grief. Basically always using her as a excuse. We again had a talk and she was there. We both find out he lied to us. She decided to stick with him and put some bounderies in place. Since then he turned mean and cold and distant.. going from we will be friend cuz i want it( said that after that talk 4 weeks ago) to amicable and civil we wi be..what changed.. i havent bad mouth him or send him long texts or anything.. he keep trying to get away with his lies as fir a example i gave him so paper work to take his name off a joint bill( ow aas there as she is always there at pick up and dropp off) and he was like i thought he was already taken out.. no it wasnt and u knew that.. or it will be a i forgot about it. Or a i must have confused it witb something else.. i still dont get his change un attitude or how he can just put all thise years we had and discard them as they didnt mean nothing..i know i shiuldnt care but why this ow stay with him? Knowing he lied to her? And yes i am angry right now and there is a part of me that wish that their relationship wont work not because i want him back no.. more like a why should they be happy together after all the hurt they created??

    Reply
  14. Damian

    Hi Maj
    I am a young guy I’m 20years old and I have the most amazing girlfriend I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We are currently working together and traveling. I’ve been addicted to porn since I was 13 years old and with that society has made women out to be an object on every add that is shown to us, and this is where my problem comes in I’ve stopped watching porn and my girlfriend knows about everything we have one rule and that is honesty. I always tell the truth even though I know it’ll hurt her! I struggle to stop looking at girls when we go out or to the beach or wherever and I’ve told her this. Social media is also a problem for me because even if u don’t look there are girls in bikinis everywhere and it’s difficult. I’m tired of hurting her because I love her so much and that is what I told her. I know it is not natural or an instinct and I’m not sure what to do to stop?

    Reply
  15. Clint

    Hi,
    I’m a 17 year old from England. My girlfriend, 16, is from Spain. We met each other online, and have the best time together since last 6 months. We talk through Snapchat and Instagram, and of course we would like to actually be with each other, but this is what we have for now.
    We do sexting and tease each other like every other teenager does.
    But last night, she said that she didn’t want to talk about sexual things for a couple of days. I said it was okay, and asked if she wanted to talk about the reason, so that I could avoid it in the future. She was reluctant to tell me, and assured me that the reason had nothing to do with me.
    After a while of convincing, she told me that her grandfather tried to touch her that morning. Now she comes from a fairly wealthy background, and I was shocked to hear that. She continued that her grandfather came to her room in the morning when she was sleeping.
    These are her messages (she speaks Spanish and the quotes are translated from Spanish):

    “I was sleeping and my grandad came to the room.
    He said “I want to make you kisses” and I said okay because i’m always kissing him on his cheek like everyone does.
    But then he started kissing my neck
    I was naked so i tried to cover myself with the sheets but I couldn’t
    Then he started kissing my breasts.
    And then he started touching my nipples
    And he said “do you like what i’m doing”?
    And I said “no haha” so he stopped
    And then he said
    “And do you like if I touch your ass?”
    I tried to avoid him all the day
    When my dad caressed me I got a terrible chill and I was about to cry
    But I didn’t
    Now i’m scared
    I can’t sleep in my bed
    I’m going to sleep with my sister
    I’m scared
    Now i get chills even when I have a shower
    Now my sister has to be Next to me in the shower because now i’m scared to have a shower alone
    I hate my life
    You’re the only person who knows it”

    I didn’t know what to say after that. I literally replied that. She hasn’t seen my messages yet.
    I don’t know what to do about this. I don’t know what to say to her.
    She doesn’t live with her grandfather. She’s just away for now with her father in her beach house.
    This isn’t the first time she has faced something like this. Earlier when she used to live with her mom (her parents are divorced) in the countryside, an old man once tried to get close to her when she was out, but she shrugged him off. And the other time is when she was at a fair, some guy tried to take her away and tried to get on her, but she shouted for help and people came and beat him.
    Now this is completely different. I just don’t know what to do. It’s her grandfather! I don’t know what to tell her. The previous two times I could talk to her. But not now!
    I genuinely care about her, and I just hope there’s something I can I do to help her.
    Any advice from you would be so much appreciated .
    Thank you

    Reply
  16. Alfee

    My boyfriend would time from time sit up and notice a girl or woman walking or standing. It didn’t happen often so I ignored it. Then he came back from a training class with a co-worker that he talked about over the phone about looking at girls. When he got back, it all went down hill. He just stopped in front of me and checked a girl out who was walking with her boyfriend or husband. He stared at her until they were out of his site. I was so shocked, I was speechless. I was hurt and embarrassed. I said something to him in the car and he swore he didn’t remember doing that. I asked how can you pay that much attention to someone and not remember? So we got over it and moved on, then things just got worse. He would see a girl, stop me and talk about something until she walked by so he could look at her. He would see pretty young kid (to me)and do whatever he had to do to check her out. He’s 50 and these kids were 20 if that. The final straw was when he checked out my 20yr old daughter’s friend as we were driving off and she was at our door waiting for my daughter to let her in. After that, I just thought this guy is sick. I didn’t want to go anywhere with him like a fair or college football game, in fear of him getting caught checking out someone he truly didn’t. I don’t have a habit of looking at men, so I don’t understand the problem. We have broken up over it. He still doesn’t believe he does this. I’m not sure if I should try to help him or just let him go. Does anyone know what causes this behavior?

    Reply
  17. Lizzie

    I have a boyfriend.
    And i don’t really know who to turn to …

    He says he is not crazy about social media and hardly had time for it… But when i go in facebook he will always be online and same with whatsapp as well… But he is not communicating with me… I did ask him about this and the answer i get is “ill talk to you when i want to”… So this is problem number 1.

    Then when we are together. It all is great… But he notices every other woman in the room.. The other night we had a braai at a friend of mine who is also in a relationship. While eating i found my boyfriend staring at her non stop… He hardly touched his food. When all of us where done eating, he didn’t even eat half his food. After eating, we played pool and he kept cheering her on and complimenting her on her cooking….

    I don’t know how to address this matter or what to think…he and his friends constantly send pictures of other woman to each other… Including naked photos…. This really makes me uncomfortable … Please please please i need advise. I love this guy with all my heart and i want to end up spending my life with him… I just don’t know if i want to spend my life competing with other womelan just for him to notiice me too like he does the other woman

    Reply
  18. Denise

    I met a guy online, less then a month ago. We hit it all very well, where he tole me that he ca ought feeling and he even may have fallen in love with me. He was very attentive and made sure to make me smile and happy. Like most people I ask several question some was around sex, and how important it is to him. Next thing I knew, he sent me a text stating that he believes that intimacy is full circle and he cannot give me that and do not think he can proceed in a relationship. I was hurt and angry by this news I text him several time and even sent him a message from the online dating site we both was on. Later that day he blocked me from everything, so I went a little crazy and made a fake online dating account and spoke with him that way. he then told the fake person that he felt that I wanted to have sex way to fast and I could not hold an intelligent conversation…. He and I text over 7,000 text message in less the a month. Even after hearing all of this, I still want to talk with him and clear the air and maybe try and work on moving forward, or should I just leave it alone and move on. I love him and want to be with him.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Free E-book with facts, tips and advice about your sex life
Close

Get My Free E-book "When sexuality plays up" and learn:

❤ Can celibacy boost your sex drive?

❤ What is sexual inferiority and what can you do about it?

❤ How do you bring back the spark?

❤ Sign up for my newsletter and get the e-book for free!

.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This