As a single person, there’s a lot you can do to prepare yourself for a future relationship.

Here I´ll give you my three best tips getting yourself ready for a healthy future relationship where you can be “you” and your partner can be him og her.

1. Spend your time on you

Have fun.

Do the things that make YOU happy.

What do you want to do?

Often when we are single, we tend to focus on and even obsess about finding a new partner but what makes you happy besides getting a new partner?

In a relationship there are limitations as to how selfish we can be. Of course there is limits.

Keep your focus on what makes you happy and DO it.

Maybe you love to read, travel, play cards with your kids, see movies, sleep in on the weekends, shop, long road trips, play more football, fish for three days in a row etc.

The better you become at filling your self- love container, the happier you become and the more aware you’ll also be in knowing what makes you happy.

It means that you will experience more joy knowing what works for you and your future partner has an easier job of making you happy.

In that way you gain a lot more for yourself and your situation.

So make a list for your refrigerator – what really makes me very very happy?

And 1-2-3 Go!

 

2. Be grateful and find the benefits of past relationships

Look back at your past relationships.

Give each relationship a large sheet of paper and start writing what you learned from experiences you had that you can use for the rest of your life.

Maybe you:

► learned that you need to set clear boundaries earlier?

► got three wonderful kids?

► learned that your needs need to be given more importance in the next relationship?

► learned that you don’t want a partner who travels a lot?

Everything you’ve gained  – knowledge, wisdom and gifts are worth focusing on.

Ohhh yessss.

I DO know that it can sound extremely “Happy go lucky” but please remember that you’ve already given all the bad stuff a lot of focus and attention, so maybe it’s time to look at all the good stuff you got.

It will give you new perspective and if you’re lucky, you can more easily release old bitterness and resentment.

3. Take responsibility for the part you played

This is the toughest step.

That is taking responsibility for the crappy stuff you brought to the table in the past. If you wanna set yourself up for a happy and healthy future relationship you H-A-V-E to look at your own “stuff”!

What was it that YOU did that affected the relationship negatively?

And yes, it can be really really difficult to face your own faults.

But if you want to learn something about yourself then this is a great opportunity even though it’s a bit tough.

If you really can’t come up with anything, why not ask a couple of your friends!

– I bet they can help you!

Maybe you:

►  weren’t a good communicator

► were too eager to move in together

► didn’t listen enough to your own needs

► “forgot” to voice your expectations

► didn’t say anything when your boundaries weren’t respected

To become aware of the mistakes you made will be invaluable for a new future relationship so that you may avoid them the next time.

That doesn’t mean that you won’t ever make the same mistakes!

But you’ll likely see the issues earlier on and be able to correct them and deliver a real apology and THAT’s an essential ability in a relationship.

I wish you an amazing journey.

Love,
Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and relationthip therapist with own clinic since 2006

 

 

 

Did you find the article useful? You might like these articles as well:

• Happy Couples – Here’s a Surprising Fact You Didn’t Know
• Save Your Relationship with a Time-Out

 

*** What are you doing to make yourself ready for a furure relationship? Have you experienced things in past relationship that you don´t wanna bring to the table in a new one? Please share your experiences (and lessons) in the comments below. Remember, your comment might help someone else! And as always, thank you for sharing.

Please do remember that single life & relationship issues are very vulnerable topics, so please keep your words positive and loving. Thank you. Please remember to keep a nice tone. ALL negative comments will be deleted immediately. I wish to create a positive and supporting space where we can support each other, and I therefore have a zero-tolerance policy towards rudeness, condescension, negative inputs and disrespect.