2 Classic reasons why he loses his desire

It’s time for you to learn and understand something about male desire and libido!

Desire in men is actually not that different from women’s as many people think.

Just like women’s desire and libido, men’s ALSO affected by different factors.

And there’s always at least ONE reason as to why it vanishes.


Besides there being many “common reasons” why desire disappears, there are also reasons that relate to men and women.

Desire in men

In women, for example, such a reason could be breastfeeding.

Because breastfeeding lowers the dopamine levels in the brain.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that has a huge effect on our pleasure centre which controls things like our desire.

For instance our desire to:

  • kiss and cuddle
  • read a book
  • go to see a movie
  • seek out the things you like to spend time on
  • sex

Here’s the thing about men’s libido.

A lot of us (men and women) don’t think that the male libido can be affected negatively.

But we see that this isn’t true at all when we experience it.

When your husband suddenly stops initiating sex and turns you down when you initiate sex and you realize that it’s been weeks since you had sex.

When his loss of lust knocks on the door, we have absolutely no clue what to do. Who do you talk to? Who knows something about this? It’s not normal or is it? There must be something really wrong. The man thinks there’s something’s wrong with him. Maybe the wife thinks there’s something wrong with her.

For years we’ve been told that, men:

  • always desire
  • think about sex 8 times per minute
  • are always “ready”
  • need sex M-U-C-H more than women (and yes, that is sometimes the case)
  • don’t care about love as long as they can get laid

There are SO many myths, SO much BS and SO few facts being talked about when it comes to men’s libido.



I was recently interviewed on Danish radio about men’s libido and the two classic reasons as to why their desire disappears.

These are the classic reasons I often see in my practice. There are many other reasons why the male libido disappears but I wanted to share these particular reasons with you.

1. There is no longer an emotional connection.

This applies to both men and women’s loss of lust and libido.

We all want a deep emotional connection with our partners. And when this need is not being met, it can cause havoc.

For many people this is really hard to talk about because we are afraid:

  • to hurt each other
  • of being JUDGED
  • of being turned down because of our feelings
  • and so on…

If you can’t open up about your feelings and thoughts and go “deep” with each other, then you risk exacerbating the lack of emotional connection between you.

A basic human need not being met.

But there’s more at play!

2. Belly fat kills the desire over time

Numerous studies both in the US and abroad show that the more body fat a man has stored in his belly, the lower his testosterone level.

Testosterone is a gender specific hormone.

If it is low in males, then the brain gets confused and starts to mess things up with all the other gender specific hormones. And that’s when the issues with desire rear their ugly heads.


Please promise me to you’ll keep in mind that whether you’re a man or a woman, there’s ALWAYS at least one perfectly logical reason why your desire has disappeared.

There is NOTHING wrong with you.

I promise you, that your body reacts just as it’s supposed to.

And if it bothers you, your job is to find out why and do something about it.

Take good care of you, your life and your desire.

2 classic reasons as to why he looses his desire, Maj Wismann, Love ExpertLove,
Maj Wismann – Clinical sexologist and relationship therapist since 2006


I would R-E-A-L-L-Y like to hear about your experiences about this topic.

HELP me break this taboo.

So please let me know if you’ve experienced your husband or partner losing his desire or if you’re a man who’s experienced or is experiencing loss of desire.

And if you have gone through this and found a solution, please do share that as well.



Read more about desire, libido and lust?

► Lack of sex drive? 2 things you need to pay attention to ←

► My husband doesn´t want to have sex – what do I do?

Get your sex drive back – And keep it for life ←

Read about clinical sexology here ←



  1. Amy

    Finally someone writing about the fact that men and women arent that much different from each other. Ive met women who only want sex and the man wants emotional connection. Its so true that women have just as much sexual desires. Im so over the gender segregation.

  2. Kim

    If the sex is passionate, erotic and multiple organisms and for months there’s no sex or intimate kissing. What could be wrong, maybe illness or stress could play a factor in this issue❓

    • Maj Wismann

      Hi Kim
      Yes – The sex can be the best in the world, but if there are other things that “Plays up”, your sex drive will be very low. Stress is a libido killer! Both because when you experience stress over a long time, you will be tired, exhausted etc. and the hormones “fu** up”. The stress hormones “eat” the stones that build for instance testosteron – that is the male sex hormone and it plays a big role in mens sex drive. So yes, if you are stressed and has been it for a long time the “mating-game” drops.


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