Q&A: Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?

Hi Maj,

why do men check out other women even though they are in a relationshipI’ve got a question for you. Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?

The reason I ask is because I was out shopping with my husband and caught him very discreetly checking out another woman. And I asked why he was checking her out?

He strongly denied it and said that he absolutely wasn’t checking her out.

But he was!

Why couldn’t he just tell me? I’m very jealous as is and he knows that… what does it mean when they check out other people?


The nervous one.

Dear Nervous One,

Thank you for your email.

Do you sometimes look around at clothes, shoes, jewellery, beautiful flowers etc. while chatting with your girlfriends? Do you have the feeling of being high when you’ve bought something that you’ve wanted for a really long time?

If yes, then you know the reason why men check out women.

Because they do, whether they’ll admit it or not.why do men check out other women even though they are in a relationship, Maj Wismann, Love Expert

When we shop, we look for things we like, beautiful things shining right at us that make us feel happy. That is the feminine energy at its best and it’s that same feminine essence and energy men take in when they see beautiful, shapely, soft women surrounding them.

They suck up all the feminine energy they can and they love it but a lot of men are ashamed of it because they know their partner will be sad.

That’s probably the reason he denies it when you ask. He doesn’t want to upset you or make you sad and thinks that if he can convince you that he’s not checking out other women, then you’ll stay happy.

Men prefer seeing their woman happy and would rather not be the reason for their worry or sadness. But do you stop looking for nice things just because you already have some at home? No right?

That doesn’t mean that you want everything you check out!

And it’s the same with men. They just take in what they can and enjoy what they see. And that has nothing to do with you not being good enough, gorgeous enough, beautiful enough or anything else :-)

You write that you have a jealous streak and I am guessing from the way you say it that you’re blaming your boyfriend for that feeling. If he does so or so, then I feel so and so! You are expecting your boyfriend to behave in certain way. In this case, to go against his basic instincts and natural behaviour so you can be happy and not have to worry whether there are other women in this world who are interesting too.

why do men check out other women even though they are in a relationshipJealousy is often about insecurity and not feeling worthy. At some point or another you may have experienced neglect and now you’re always looking out for the potential of being neglected again.

Have you considered getting help to deal with these feelings? It´s so hard feeling jealousy often and it ruins many relationships.

Maybe both of you could make a deal together. You will be working on your insecurity and jealousy and he will have the respect for you meanwhile when you walk together and try not looking at other woman?

And then maybe one day when you have worked with yourself you could care less about how many women he checks out and maybe even encourage him to do it because you know it makes him happy. Which in turn makes him even happier to be with you.

But until you are free of the “negative feelings and thoughts” ask him to ease a little bit down on the “looking after after woman thing”.

If you wish a guide to get rid of your jealousy – you can check this article out.

I wish you all the best,

why do men check out other women even though they are in a relationship, Maj Wismann, Love ExpertMany loving thoughts,

Maj Wismann, Love expert


  1. What a silly unthoughtful response. Men should have respect for their wives etc . so its OK for them to look when they have a daughter. Its all about respecting! We are not shiny objects.

    • Dear F.

      Thanks for your comment.

      I don´t think that woman er shiny objects, I think we are amazing, wonderful, beautiful, lovely and loveable creatures and I understand that men are attractet to us just like we are attractet to men and just like woman can look at a man and think he is pretty or beautiful.

      That is not the same as looking totally unrestrained, and of course they have to look in a respectful way. But NOT to look at a very beautiful woman would be to much to ask I think.


    • Dear Nada

      I´m all about respect to and talking like me as “Persons like this condones” is in my world very disrespecful!

      And I actually think you misunderstand me :-) The girl is asking me why men look at other woman, and I give her my oponion.

      In my world men can be BOTH respectable, honest, handsome, and straight AND look respectfully at other woman as well. I know many men, who can actually do this, and their wifes is okay with that, because their wifes KNOW that it is not about them and not about them feeling “good enough”.

      Does that mean that they are “Over-looking” woman?


      NOT AT ALL – that would be very disrespectful and NOT okay in my world.

      But the girl is insecure and jealous – and I give her the answer, that him looking at other woman does NOT mean that she is not good enough. Just that he thinks that they are beautiful.

      Jealousy is often about insecurity and not feeling worthy, and if she feels that way, I think it would be very good for her to work with that :-)


    • You know what? It sounds like men are bullshit. They want us happy but still selfish to be a stupid man and look at other women? That’s a contradiction. Then stop looking at other women idiots.

      • Not all men are like that. When
        I’m with a woman I don’t care to look at anything except her but the women I’m presently with checks out guys all the time.
        I confronted her and she said it’s because she has a low self esteem and needs validation.

        I’ve expressed how it hurts me and she said that she feels intimidated because I’m very good looking and all the attention is on me.

        I’m pretty confident with my looks but I find it disrespectful…I hate watching people in relationships looking at other people. It makes me feel like they don’t respect their partners.

        My girlfriend even mentioned that he has crush feelings toward certain guys but doesnt flirt or act on her impulses.
        in my opinion looking and seeking attention is flirting.

        My problem is that it has caused me to start looking and wanting women to want me because I dont feel wanted by the person I’m with.
        to the point where I feel I need validation by sleeping with another woman.

        I’ve always been a faithful man in all my relationship and am very much a family man….but her reactions make me feel like less of a man even though I’m a good looking 40 year old that even 20 year olds check out.
        I’ve been compared to hugh jackman in wolverine by several women much younger than me….infact our neighbours daughter calls me wolverine all the time.

        I am confused as too why she looks….she waits for me to look elsewhere and when I do she checks out guys.

        I find it pathetic and disrespectful towards oit relationship

  2. You are correct that many mean no disrespect I’m sure, but it still hurts,especially as you age. Here’s my husband of 30 years now checking out constantly ladies 30 and younger. It hurt when we were first married, and still does, but he is addicted, thinks he has no problem, evidently doesn’t respect me enough not to do it when we are together. He’s ran off the road a few times watching a girl standing in a yard. Restaurants, shopping, anywhere; he’s staring. No, he won’t go to counseling, but I’ve been there and it’s either I ignore it or divorce him. Since there are other signs of disrespect, I’m considering leaving. I truly am a great wife. He does nothing for himself, and does nothing barely to help around our huge home and yard. I feel sometimes these men are just perverts to have to stare all the time. He’ll even pretend to have to go somewhere else like at store, when I see he is following a pretty one. I followed him once and there he was, practically breathing down her neck while she shopped! I keep hoping one day a woman will slap him! Anyways, I say ladies, snip it in the bud; demand respect.

    • Dear Donne

      Thank you so much for your comment. And yes, for some woman it still hurts – especially if the situation is like you describe. That your husband actually is´nt paying your and your relationship any attention at all. I can understand that your situation hurts you, and I think that it is super cool, that you have been to counselling, because it does not sound like he is gonna change :-( I hope you find the courage to take the right decision for you – remember YOU need to be happy, and in no way have you deserved a relationship like what you describe to me.

      Love Maj

  3. As a man I can tell you that I am completely devoted to my wife and I don’t check out other women. Never cared to.
    our sex life is great and communicate very well. Except for the fact that she checks out good looking men when we’re together.

    I have confronted her on this and she denies it when clearly she is doing it.

    I am 6’4″ 250 bodybuilder and I attract alot of attention from women but I dont give it back.

    I feel like I’m not enough for her and have begun to withdraw from our relationship. I’m unmotivated because I feel like I’m not the man she wants…she wants what she looks like.

    When she calls me handsome it makes me feel like she’s saying it to stroke my ego.

    So ladies…..some times it’s your own actions that make a man check out other women so he can feel validated because you dont validate him enough.

    • Thanks for restoring my faith in men! I was hoping there were some men out there who get this very emotive subject and feel the same way! My man doesn’t look at other women when we are together which I think is great but he always denies that he ever looks at other women alone or in the internet. But I know he is lying because I have seen his internet history (sure I shouldn’t have looked and I know that’s wrong but I wanted to know if he was lying to me because I had a feeling he was ) I love him so much and totally devoted to him with all my life but this really really hurts me. Not just that he does that, but mostly that he lies to me about it. I don’t know what to do, because it makes me feel that I’m not enough for him and that I can’t trust him completely, so I feel myself withdrawing from him and it’s very painful because I am so in love with him and have never been so attracted to anyone. I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t like this main article because it excuses unfaithful behaviour, and makes out that is the fault of the victim. That’s wrong in my opinion. Thanks


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