/* ]]> */

Q&A: Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?

Hi Maj,

Right, so now it’s my turn to ask you a question:

Why do men with a girlfriend (or a wife) look at other women?

I was out shopping with my husband the other day and I caught him discreetly checking out another woman. I asked him why he was looking at her like that and he said that he wasn’t.

He so was though!

Why couldn’t he tell me?

I’m very jealous already and he’s aware of this…

Is there a reason to why men do this?

The Nervous One

Why do men look at other women?

Dear The Nervous One,

Thank you very much for asking this question. I so want to say “Ha! Join the club!” I know SO many women who experience their husbands looking at other women.

Why do men look at other womenI’ve actually also met several men who’ve complained that their wives look at other men – to the extent that they’ve felt uncomfortable and upset.

So no, it’s not just men who look at other women; this is a two way street.

Of course, there’s the question of how much you actually look at someone else and how often you do it. Is it something that just happens all the time as soon as he leaves the house? Is he constantly aware of every single female outside the house?

Or… is it something that happens once in a blue moon because a supermodel is walking past him and even a blind guy would notice that?

So why do men look at other women?

I think you’ll have a difficult time finding a man – or a woman – who’ve absolutely NEVER ever looked at someone else and thought: “Wow, she/he is really beautiful/handsome”.

That being said…

“Looking at other people” certainly doesn’t mean that you want to go out with them; that you’re not happy with the person you’re actually with or that you wish your own partner looked differently…

In regards to your question about whether him looking at other women means anything, this is definitely worth remembering. When you start feeling insecure, ask yourself that question. Sometimes it means something and sometimes it actually doesn’t.

My experience tells me that in the majority of cases, it doesn’t mean anything other than he has seen someone who (to him) is beautiful or attractive, he looks at her and then moves on with his day without giving it a second thought.

Is it about natural instincts when men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?Some male couple’s therapists say that it’s about their natural instincts and that men simply can’t help it. I disagree with this; it’s a cop-out saying: “Oh but I can’t help it! It’s a natural instinct!”

Stop it!

It equals to saying that we as human beings are meant to eat everything we find in nature – according to this logic, we should eat everything and we can’t stop eating, we just eat all the food around us.

I’m sure we can agree that a bit of self-restraint would be appropriate…

Believe it or not, humans – and the human brain – have evolved since the Paleolithic era and if we continue to let our “desires” control us – these spontaneous desires and intuition that is – and fail to take any responsibility for our actions, then we’ll end up very lonely. That’s my thesis, anyway.

“I need to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it”… Well, that’s okay, you go ahead and do that. It just won’t be with me then!

It’s perfectly fine to feel this way but if that’s how you feel, then that’s the terms of the relationship and then you need to be able to talk about everything openly and honestly, so that you both know what’s happening and so that you both are aware of your situation.


Just because you want to look, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you want to eat cake, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you don’t feel like going to the gym, doesn’t mean you can’t go to the gym. As adult, mature and responsible people we CAN actually control our behavior and our actions.

If we want to.

So what does this “looking” mean?

As I said, that’s a comparison. In my eyes it’s all about respect. Respect for you when the two of you are out grocery shopping but also respect for the women he’s looking at.

Personally I don’t like being checked out like it’s nobody’s business. Yes, I’ve tried this and I actually find that they cross my boundaries, these men who can’t keep their eyes to themselves; they have absolutely not an ounce of sense of situation.

One of my beautiful friends – and yes, she’s absolutely stunning – told me that she finds it extremely uncomfortable when men stare at her for a long time and can’t take their eyes off of her. Especially when they’re with their girlfriend or their wife and she’s (obviously) uncomfortable about the whole thing as well.

This friend of mine tells me that she feels reduced to a piece of meat and she doesn’t feel seen as a woman with a body, a soul, a heart and feelings. She also told me that one time a woman approached her in a club and gave her a mouthful, because this woman’s husband kept staring at her. Needless to say, my girlfriend felt DEVASTATED 🙁

Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend Comparison and respect. Oh and a third thing:

Common decency!

To stare at other people – regardless of how they look – is actually quite rude.

We all know that it’s impolite to stare at fat people or handicapped people. This is what I teach my kids, anyway.

It’s about common decency.


You’re telling me that your husband discreetly looked at another woman and this little adjective actually tells me a lot about your husband. He knows that you don’t care for it so much and he tries to respect this by looking discreetly and not letting his head nearly fall off turning around looking at her.

Even though he tried to hide this sneaky peak, you saw it and when you confronted him, he lied. This is probably the worst thing about your situation, not the “looking” part.

There can be a lot of reasons to why he “looked”. It’s not necessarily because the other woman was really hot; like I just said, sometimes it’s quite the opposite really.

But I’m sure these aren’t the situations that upset you…

Another thing is being dishonest about it, when they’re “caught”.

You get upset when he looks at other women because it makes you feel unsure about where you stand with him and when he then chooses to lie about it… well, that just makes you feel even more insecure, doesn’t it?

And I completely understand why you would. Being insecure in our relationships with other people is one of the worst things we as human beings can experience.

And THAT’S the problem!

He could’ve said:

Why do men check out other women even though they are married“You know what babe, I’m sorry. That really wasn’t very considerate of me to do that. I think she was pretty and I looked at her a bit too long. It wasn’t okay and it was disrespectful to both you and her. I’m sorry!

I love you and it wasn’t okay. I know it makes you feel unsafe and I’m sorry. I’m right here. With you. Come here, let me give you a hug. I promise you that I’ll be more aware of not doing this when you and I are out together.”

Rather than denying he was looking at another woman, a response like this (or along those lines, you know) would’ve been a lot easier to deal with. I realize that this example was very pedagogical but you get the gist 🙂

I completely understand that you feel upset and insecure. I did too when I experienced this. I’ve also had a boyfriend once who looked at other women A LOT. And he made no attempt to hide it either.

In no way whatsoever, actually.

It seemed as if he enjoyed watching me feel insecure and uncomfortable. He didn’t have an ounce of sense of situation and this didn’t exactly make matters better… It was so uncomfortable to just go for a walk with him because he constantly commented (positively) on other women, implying that they were everything I was not.


I wasn’t with him for very long.

However, what I experienced was what it meant to be judged on my looks and how it felt to constantly be compared to other women. It was so uncomfortable despite the fact that I actually felt pretty good about my body and about myself.

Anyway, back to you…

I think you need to have a talk to your husband and tell him that him looking at other women upsets you. And tell him that it makes you even more upset that he chooses to lie to you about it too.

Being dishonest only creates insecurity and this isn’t necessary.

I’m sure that if you have a husband who loves you and respects you, he’ll be upset that he’s hurt you and then he’ll do whatever he can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If you husband doesn’t care about what you tell him, then that’s a whole different matter of course. A much more dire situation for sure. If this is the case, then I’ll recommend you to really have a think about whether he’s the right man for you. You might even want to seek professional help/guidance, either alone or the two of you together.

What you tell me in your e-mail, I do actually believe that he’ll do whatever he can not to hurt you again.

I’m sure this is also why he denied it even though being dishonest is a terrible strategy. He probably denied it because he didn’t want to hurt you even more and he didn’t want to have a big confrontation.

This strategy obviously needs to go and he needs to replace it with honesty. Honesty is without a doubt what makes a relationship flourish and what makes love flourish.

Just a final note on your jealousy…

In regards to your jealousy and how to get rid of it, I’ll recommend you to start working on ridding yourself of this. Make this work serious and structured and perhaps even go see a competent cognitive psychologist.

Most of the time, jealousy is simply rooted in the feat of losing someone, and when jealousy gets a grip on you, it holds on tight. The thing about jealousy is though, that the more you try to avoid it, the bigger it’ll grow.

And this, my friend, will drive you to the point of madness…

One thing is that your husband looks at other women – this isn’t nice for you, of course it isn’t.

Another thing is that you suffering from jealousy make everything so much worse. You can even say that your experience with your husband is negatively affected by this jealousy that already resides within you.

Some would say that you just need to “pull yourself together” and the fact that you don’t like that your husband looks at other women, is actually a sign for you to work on something about your own self-worth and your self-confidence and by doing this, you’ll be fine with him looking at whoever he wants to look at.

You won’t hear this from me though.

Granted, when your jealousy runs the show, the situation worsens. That being said however, I know a lot of men and women who feel confident and secure about themselves and they still don’t like it when their partner is (very obviously) checking out other people when they’re with them.

Maj Wismann about why men look after other womenSo no, it’s not about you working on “not caring” about what your husband is doing. This is about him not looking at other women when you’re with him AND about you ridding yourself of the jealousy. If this happens, I’m sure the two of you will be so much happier together.

Maj Wismann, Clinical Sexologist and Couple’s Therapist with own private clinic since 2006




★ Have you found yourself in a similar situation? What did you do/say? How did you handle it? Has your partner stopped looking at other people or did you learn to live with it? How did you get to that point? I’ll love reading your comment, your story and your good advice.

* Please remember to keep a nice tone. ALL negative comments will be deleted immediately as I wish to create a positive and supporting space where we can help each other. Because of this, I do have a zero tolerance policy to rudeness, condescension and other negative inputs.



  1. Donna

    You are correct that many mean no disrespect I’m sure, but it still hurts,especially as you age. Here’s my husband of 30 years now checking out constantly ladies 30 and younger. It hurt when we were first married, and still does, but he is addicted, thinks he has no problem, evidently doesn’t respect me enough not to do it when we are together. He’s ran off the road a few times watching a girl standing in a yard. Restaurants, shopping, anywhere; he’s staring. No, he won’t go to counseling, but I’ve been there and it’s either I ignore it or divorce him. Since there are other signs of disrespect, I’m considering leaving. I truly am a great wife. He does nothing for himself, and does nothing barely to help around our huge home and yard. I feel sometimes these men are just perverts to have to stare all the time. He’ll even pretend to have to go somewhere else like at store, when I see he is following a pretty one. I followed him once and there he was, practically breathing down her neck while she shopped! I keep hoping one day a woman will slap him! Anyways, I say ladies, snip it in the bud; demand respect.

      • Maria Caruana

        My fiancee has a habit of also undressing woman with his eyes, it makes me very uncomfortable and insecure. I have confronted him about it, we end up arguing and it ends up ‘My Fault”he actually even does it infront of me…i don’t know what to do..

        • Kim

          I know your pain, my husband told me he needed to look and he had to see the whole package and it made him feel good when he saw a pretty women and if I say anything it becomes a argument and I am just over reacting

    • Normajean

      This is horrible. I use to think mine was bad

    • Lisa

      I just felt horrible when I read your post. I honestly believed I had it bad, but obviously not. My husband does not go and follow a pretty girl, but I will find him looking trying not to be obvious, or to be a prick he will make a comment if there is a pretty girl oh wow she is pretty just to piss me off. But after reading your post I realized I have not caught my husband following a girl and I felt horrible for you. However I did find my husband uploading his photo to a site with females.

      I obviously caught him and had dates and times and he tried to deny it but couldn’t. Then he admitted that he went on there and uploaded a photo to see if he would get any “likes”. He said that he did it for his ego as I made him feel like I didnt him. Ha ha to me it sounds like an excuse, but whatever, he played with fire and I obviously got him back by going on a date with an actual person and told him.
      You can imagine the embarrassment he felt and that I did it to get back at him for hurting me and making me feel “unattractive” and to boost my ego since he had to boost his. Now obviously this put him in check to the fact that hey my wife is attractive and I can lose her. We worked on our marriage and were stronger than ever, well so I thought!
      3 years later and I catch him doing the same thing.
      Now do I retaliate and do what I did before? Or do I confront him? Or do I leave? Well I don’t want to retaliate been there done that, so I confronted and he denied of course and is now worried what I might do.
      I am not going to do anything this time, but now I really need to decide do I get over it or leave? I hate the idea of being disrespected because he knows how much he hurt me before. But does he really care about my feelings or is just worried about my revenge?
      I hate being disrespected! I get it, everyone looks everyone finds someone attractive that’s human nature, but don’t do it in front of your partner or don’t get caught.
      Yes I do feel for you as your partner has followed girls, but hey has mine learned?
      The point to my rant is we either accept it and move on, or we don’t accept it and come up with a concrete plan to leave. Revenge isn’t the answer, it’s either stay or leave.

    • femmemuscle

      I get chased by men, yes – CHASED right in front of their wives. It’s so interesting how the wife will literally run behind their mate while their mate is running behind me. He’s trying to grab me, and she’s trying to grab him.
      She’s screaming at him to “stop it”! While he’s hell bent on trying to get a hold of me.
      If any woman on this forum understands what i’m talking about, it is scary. But what’s even scarier? Is when i finally get in a safe place – like the ladies room, a crowd of people, security guard, or near a cop? The guy stops, but.. The woman STILL goes home with that guy.

  2. men hurt too

    As a man I can tell you that I am completely devoted to my wife and I don’t check out other women. Never cared to.
    our sex life is great and communicate very well. Except for the fact that she checks out good looking men when we’re together.

    I have confronted her on this and she denies it when clearly she is doing it.

    I am 6’4″ 250 bodybuilder and I attract alot of attention from women but I dont give it back.

    I feel like I’m not enough for her and have begun to withdraw from our relationship. I’m unmotivated because I feel like I’m not the man she wants…she wants what she looks like.

    When she calls me handsome it makes me feel like she’s saying it to stroke my ego.

    So ladies…..some times it’s your own actions that make a man check out other women so he can feel validated because you dont validate him enough.

    • women hurt too

      Im devoted to my partner. I have no desire to look at other men. He is all i want and i love him so.

      I understand where your coming from because we are the same and your wife sounds like my husband.

      He calls me beautiful and gorgeous but….

      He checks out other girls and makes me feel like I’m not good enough too.

      I work out i keep fit and fitter than he is so why does he finds other women attractive.

      I just don’t gt it.

      • You both are special

        I wish I was born that way. I find it extremely difficult to believe that a man won’t look at other woman just because they are married or have a partner. This is a LIE.

        This guy said he doesn’t do it? He is a liar. Or he is not 100% man. Well he actually complains about things that woman would normally do. That is how it is. I love my wife, I’ve never been unfaithful but I do see, recognize and admire beauty on other woman, which doesn’t mean I want them over my wife.

        She is just crazy, I have to lie to her so she doesn’t go crying like if I cheated on her when she ask me if I think ‘if that girls is attractive’.

        • amanda holland

          i agree but pisses me off is when they lie

      • Ella

        I’m hurting, my bf constantly commenting on these women that he sees on FB. He tells me they’re just compliments, but still, if you’re going around telling these women they’re “incredible” “gorgeous”, etc. why do try even bother to be in a relationship. He tells me I’m the only woman he wants but still, for him to be complimenting these “so called friends” of his on FB hurts me. What do I do. I can’t help myself but to wonder if I’m really am the only one.
        I think that if a man is in a relationship n say “you’re all I want” then they shouldn’t even focus or even dare to look at another woman. Their eyes should just be in “you”. I hurt n I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him off or just learn to deal with it?!

        • Miiriinndiyeeee

          Tell him off, he’s a fuckboy, I’m telling you from experience!

        • Jen

          If he loves you, he’ll respect you and not do it. He can admire and not comment, I would accept that. I’m not sure what your take is on that. But I personally wouldn’t deal with it. Know your worth! A true man will respect you!

        • Heather Marie

          ufffffffffff 100%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I love my guy so much, but my body is ruined and gross and like i’ll see him stop and check out a girl on tv, watch other girls or something that is practically naked and just look at her, instantly i feel like killing myself and that i wish i was better looking, after sex, we dont lay together or anything we just have sex, roll over, get dressed and go on. I want to lay with my partner after or just have him hold me, but doesnt usually go like that so afterwards I feel worse. Like I wasnt good enough for him. I’ve been in several horrible relationships, this one treats me good and says good things to me always but I don’t feel it. He’s amazing. I know its all just “TV” or whatever and that yes I’m the one he is in bed with every night, and that is a great feeling, but when you emotionally dont feel good inside, its not the same. If two people are in love as much as they say they are,no other person no matter what should come between them like stated above in other comments, if you have confronted your partner that these things hurt you, and they now know it does they should not do it any more if they truly love and respect you. I have hours more of shit to vent lol but im going for now Heather Marie

        • Erica

          Tell him off girl or give him a tast of his own medication

      • Maria Allen

        She is not crazy. She has been wired to be loved and cherished.

        • Rose

          I had the same problem and told him repeatedly how his comments to women he doesn’t even know on his FB made me feel when it shows up on my newsfeed, finally just blew up and have deleted and blocked him…his chances are over.

      • Paula

        Dear women hurt too,
        wow! It sounds like I could’ve wrote what you just wrote here. I’ve confronted my husband about “looking” at other women, and all I get is “I don’t look, you’re beautiful and all I need”. Well if i’m all that he says why does he get whiplash whenever a female walks by! Why do we have to walk by all the magazines and calendars with swimsuit models on them and don’t forget we got to go down the isle that has all the workout videos and stuff too, can’t forget that. I hate to go out in public with him, he makes me feel like a dog! Oh and here’s a blast:: hes a preacher!! I dont like going to church either cause hes scoping out the room soon as we get there, and when he finds what hes looking for , he cant keep his eyes off her the whole time.
        I wish I knew what to do, but theres nothing to do unless he goes blind. Then maybe I would be beautiful and all he needs. I’m sorry for you and all us other women that have to go through this. Maybe one day they’ll wake up and realize what they do have.

  3. Trace

    I believe men have a natural instinct to procreate, they always look at women pre-programmed. My boyfriend did the same thing. I mentioned it’s disrespectful keep it up, and you will loose me. Have some manners when I am with you i did give it right back and stared at good looking men. But men really are primitive creatures

  4. Sona

    Hi Maj, my case is a bit different. About looking or even flirt other women, my BF does. And somehow I tolerate. But one day I found out he text his colleague and both of them reciprocately said “love you miss you very much and send eachother pictures ” He said sorry, he said he would not do that again. He said it was just flirt play that he didn’t really mean love or miss her. He deleted all his message to her. How to make sure he really have no relationship with this woman or he is still cheating on me

  5. Samantha

    Hello there,
    I am married and I have recently found out that someone I normally talk to just as friends as he owns a business and I go shopping there, he admires me. He is also married and has children. We are friends to the point where we talk just about normal things nothing more and there is no communication beyond that but it was uncomfortable when I saw him checking me out from head to toe when I was with my husband. He knows I am married and my husband was just looking back at him.

  6. Siobhain Connolly

    My husband has done this for years. I am at the point that I don’t want to go out in public with him alone. He calls it responding to attractiveness. In other words, his God given right. Any advice?

    • Maria Allen

      I too do not enjoy going out with my husband, as there is often a female issue that we end up fighting about. We are unequally yoked- I am Christian and he is not. It causes some major disagreements and tensions. Somehow I get stronger, especially when I know that I am not alone. God loves me dearly and would never do anything to tear me down. So glad i have reached this conclusion.

    • SarahTN39

      I’m in the same boat. I avoid public places with him. Married 3 years and ready to jump ship for peace and freedom from how he makes me feel.

    • Srilakshmi

      Looking at other women is not wrong.. Apart from this..How he is with u, how good/bad he is leading his family r very important

      Looking at other women is not wrong
      Actually every male will do so

  7. Mia

    This can really be hell for women especially if they are already jealouse. I am lucky to live in a secular muslim country where women dont nececary wear muslim coverage but normal outfit, yet still mostly they care to wear modest enough. They look beautiful but they are not sexualy provocating with miniskirts and deep cleavage (at least the majority isnt)..I myself am European but I really dont know if I can live in European country (or USA, Canada..) because of this issue. I trust my partner and I know he loves me..and actually I think his behaving is pretty good too and respectful. But if there would be miniskirts and hot pants everywhere..even he would not be able not to look. I give respect to all you women who are battling this. I think I would not be able to stand or just may be.

  8. Alison

    I’m with you ladies on this one! Quite a lot of men out there not only checkout other women, but they imagine them while having sex with their partner… This massively disturbed me when i found out.
    I see it as unfaithfulness to think of someone els while having sex with my partner. I personally think todays date of mankind is screwed! Especially with the porn industry and social media.

    • Carmen

      Amen !thank god that the porn industry is scarred with trump as president

  9. CLS

    My comment on the subject is this: I’ve talked to my significant other about this. I expect a man to be a man and we’re all humans whom re-act. However I feel respect should always be expected and given. When we’re together outside I may see an attractive man but I am not going to make it obvious that I like what I see if I am with him because I’m with him and proud to be. It should be the same with him. Of course there are plenty of other attractive women out there that will be seen but if he’s with me then that’s where his eyes and attention should be directed. I’ve seen other men turn around to look at another woman when they are with their significant other (some with kids) and I automatically think negatively of them… like how is your woman supposed to feel? I’ve seen some men do that with me. If a man see’s a couple and he finds the woman attractive, say something nice to her man. That should really boost his ego instead of showing disrespect by trying to sneak a peek at her wiggle. Both people should be proud not disrespected IMHO.

    • marie

      You are so right CLS!! Me and my husband of 27 yrs were out somewhere and this man just kept staring at me, and boy hubby did not like that! But its fine for him to break his neck whenever a female walks by, just no men can look at me! Makes me sick! I wonder if every man on earth are pigs! I hate going out and he wonders why duh!! He bout jumps out of the car whenever we drive by a billboard, gas station, store, car wash and something funny here: when we had a small car we’d stay in the fast lane, but now we have a van and we drive in the slow lane so every car that passes he has to look down in it to see if theres a woman there. Makes me sick!! Whenever he goes to town I’ll with hold sex for a couple days, sorry but I’m not being used for his lustful eyes. Hes not going to go looking at some half naked bimbo and cone home to me. Nope! He would have a fit if I went to a male strip club and come home and wanted him. He would say that all those men turned me on, well its no different than him going off and looking at God knows what. I try turning and looking at men while were out but you know, hes so busy looking for himself that he doesn’t even see me looking . Its heartbreaking, I wish I knew what to do . But my heart cant take much more, just hope my boys dont grow up to be like that. Im trying to raise them to have respect for women and treat them like human beings not a piece of meat. Were all in this together. Does anyone have any suggestions? ??

  10. amanda holland

    every man look at a nother woman wat dose my head in is when they i didnt look at that woman or bum or boobs well ya did dnt lie

  11. Yvonne Sepulveda

    Let me start off by saying I am not a jealous person by any means what so ever having said that here it goes. A couple of days ago I was looking through my husband’s phone and not because I was checking up on him but because he was driving and ask me if I could search for a specific destination he had saved on his phone so in doing so I came across some very provocative sites and I couldn’t help myself but Wonder. So later on that night I went on a full-blown detective mode. I started searching the history on his phone his entire history and let me just say, it wasn’t porn but there was women that were nude and had little to no clothes on by the looks of it, it looked like it was a chatting site the girls had provocative pictures and gave a brief summary of themselves. Now as I said before I am not a jealous person I have actually seen my husband looking at other girls while he is with me and it does not bother me at all I’ve also seen other girls checking out my husband and giving him flirty eyes and smiles and it hasn’t bothered me because to me I’ve always thought it was normal, human nature if you will but for some reason I was quite bothered and frankly a little jealous and I don’t know why, so my question is this. So is it okay for a husband to look at other women in very provocative nude pictures or I’m I just reading to much into this? I would definitely hate to bring this up to his attention because I think it would put us in an awkward position but I can’t help and wonder why out of all the things that I have actually witnessed, pictures would make me feel insecure. If anyone out there is reading this and you have some words of advice please feel free to do so I am kind of lost because I really don’t know how to react to this scenario thank you very much

    • Maria Allen

      Hi there- well, all I can say is this- you have been wired to feel loved and cherished, so don’t be surprised when you start feeling uncomfortable or jealous. It happens to all women at some point. You are beautiful inside and out and the one person who feels this way about you the most is God. But it does help to have a loving boyfriend or spouse, doesn’t it? Please know you are not alone. No one is perfect. Keep up the good work. I know you must be trying.

      • Samantha

        It’s completely natural for you to feel jealous and uncomfortable when your partner shows interest in other women – whether by looking when he’s out, or by looking at nude or nearly nude photos. We have been brainwashed to think this is normal male behaviour and that we are controlling when it bothers us. No. It’s not natural male behaviour and it is completely natural for you to feel jealous. I’m so sick of people letting men off the hook and bullying women into ignoring their natural gut instincts! If you turned the tables around and checked out other men every time you’re out, or used nearly nude or nude pictures of men – your man would feel so jealous! He is lying if he says he wouldn’t. Don’t put up with it ladies! You’re all worth so much more. The excuse of men “naturally” needing to do this is first of all a cop out, so men never have to be vulnerable and commit fully to one woman (they have full control of the relationship as he is not as invested as her), and secondly, a way to pitch women up against each other. Don’t stand for it.

  12. MIke.

    Come on. If your driving around in your chevrolet, are you going to not look at the Ferrari that just cruised by. Even if you have a ferrari, do you not admire the lamborgini that passed you. Gain some confidence in your relationship. Dont suppress your husband. If you see a hot woman tell your husband, wow, isn’t she beautiful. Believe me he will love you for it and admire you more for relating to him. Your are his wife and his friend. If he was with his buddies do you not think they don’t say damn that’s hot when a hot woman cruises by. Show him the strength of your relationship by having the confidence in it to be able to call things what they are. It will make it stronger. Why make him fake it and lie for fear of you cutting off his balls. Call it what it is, be his friend and allow your relationship to open up and grow. If my wife got Pissed everyone I noticed a beautiful flower in a garden I’d be living a suppressed life. He’s not going to go pick it or take it home. If your not doing this today, try it. Take the handcuffs off your husband and grow your relationship or get counseling cause you need to work on your self confidence.

    • Mesha

      Damn that was good advice! I just thought by you complementing the other woman may make him notice her more.

    • Samantha

      No sorry, don’t listen to this ladies. First of all – don’t compare a woman to a car. A woman is not an object. She is not an object of lust or desire. A woman is a living, breathing human, with human feelings. Not a piece of metal (or meat) to ride. Secondly, it is not suppressing a man to ask him not to check out other women! What a load of tosh. This is outright has lighting – making a woman feel ashamed and guilty for her completely natural feelings of jealousy when a man reacts that way. If your woman was to check out every hot guys hat walks past, I highly doubt you would feel secure in your relationship, or feel sexy or wanted. If a man is like that even with his buddies, he’s not a “man”, he’s just a little boy in a man’s costume that has to act big and macho by objectifying women. Thirdly, maybe men should strengthen their relationships with their partner and with women in general – by seeing them as actual human beings with feelings, thoughts and desires, rather than just pretty things to look at. Maybe men should cherish and feel lucky to have the woman he has by his side, rather than making her feel like a second rate citizen. Why is it up to the woman to ignore her own perfectly natural feelings, and objectify other women to make her man happy?! That’s like gighschool logic. Why can’t a man just refrain from ogling women and put his energy into making his partner feel cherished? There’s something wrong with a man who always has to notice and look at other women – he’s not fully present in life, he’s not comfortable or fully present with himself and his owner feelings and he’s certainly not fully resent in his relationship. Do what you wish, and if you find a woman who is genuinely happy for you to do this – then fine. But don’t go acting like all women should be fine, and gas lighting women to think it’s their own problem. I feel very sorry or any woman who is fed this stuff and made to feel she is wrong. Have more faith and love for yourself ladies – if it eels wrong. It more than likely is. Don’t settle for second best you’d be better off being alone and loving your life carefree, than feeling like a second rate piece of meat with your significant other. This objectification of women has to stop.

      • jack

        i totally agree with you

      • Rosalinda

        Artielcs like this make life so much simpler.

    • Dimitri

      Amen!! Very logical advice!

    • Al

      So Mike? Are you gonna praise how hot other men are too ? Or are you gonna point out to your wife ‘ wow yes that guy really knows how to look after his wife , look at the beaiutifultful home and jewellery he buys her ‘ eked a guy walks by that makes 20 x what you do and puts all his attention on HIS woman instead of sharing it around like you do .
      No different .if it’s OK for you to fantasise about all those women as we get older then don’t be surprised that we start fantasising about all the men who earn more or know how to treat their woman like the only one in the world

    • Lelee

      I have tried that approach..Yes he gets immediately in interested..But I am so tired ..Because he looks, flirts with them all..

    • Olga

      Yeah well I agreed with you until the “counseling” part because that is bullshit. I agree though we should try to do as you said, call things what they are, but if it’s more than a glance at a woman, like staring, then no, he should go to counseling for being a neanderthal pig… counseling for self confidence when someone lacks respect for you? Hell no! Find someone that makes you feel like the best they could get? YES!!

  13. Jen Lynn

    I am a 34yr old woman, 110 lbs with 32DD-25-34 and yes I have a pretty face to go with my figure. Now, in my current relationship my bf checks out other women and lets me know verbally or breaks his neck doing it. I’m learning how to deal with with it but I do not know if I can. (contemplating in breaking up with him…) To be honest, these women are not even attractive, they’re slightly over weight. He looks at their booty or boobs more than anything else. Which makes me wonder…”maybe he needs a bbw, I’m probably too small for him?” I’ve told him multiple times that I will not gain weight due to I’m a health freak by nature and that he needs to go get himself a “big” girl. I exercise and eat salads everyday, which he loves! So I’m slightly conflicted on what he actually wants?
    I am determine to gain a bigger booty (exercise/weights/squats/etc), but even then I doubt I’ll get the attention I truly desire from him. And if I do not get the attention I want from him, I know for a fact that I’ll get it from other men. Honestly other men do check me out now, and yes it’s annoying. But it does tell me that I “look good” and men still find me attractive even now (because I dont have a fat booty LOL).
    Some of you probably think I’m over thinking my situation. But honestly, it’s more about respect on my part. Yes I do find some men attractive, but I’ve never disrespected my bf as he done me. I’ve never stared at an attractive man up and down. If anything, quick 1-2 second look and move on. It’s not in my nature to really stare and study people (unless its a women wearing something cute that I like!). I get it, guys will look. But if you make it discrete, I can let it go. But if you are staring and you verbalize it or your neck is about to break off, then go get it honey! I won’t stop you (I’ve told my bf this too, even let go of his hand and walk away).

    As I stated earlier, it’s not in my character to disrespect my man by checking out other guys, but I’m about to get to that point just to prove a point, “respect”. Anyway, I’m glad I can relate to some of you women out there. Wish me luck on my awesome journey with my bf.

    • Olga

      Jen Lynn why all the hate on “fat booty”? You say men still consider you attractive because you don’t have a fat booty… so big girls can’t be attractive? only fit girls are hot?

  14. anita

    me and my husband went to a family birthday party and he was telling his son that lady there you need to get her number im trying to tell you how too go about a women she had on a jumpsuit with holes going own the side. then he said again too his daughter I would have got that number he was drinking beer

  15. Pamela

    My husband said he thinks about having sex when he sees really hot sexy wemon..Should I worrie,,we don’t have a good sex relationship,,I am feeling insacre and feeling I may be cheated on by him.He said I think to deeply,,

    • Samantha

      You have every right to feel insecure about this. It’s disrespectful to you and to women in general. Your husband is seeing women as pieces of meet and objectifying them based on the way you look. You are not thinking too much – that is a lie and is made to make you ignore your own feelings. Your gut instinct is natural and your husband is being unfair. You are beautiful inside and out, and you deserve more respect. Also – sex isn’t supposed to be about the way a person looks. It is a deeply intimate act (I’m not religious, but it really is something that is intimate – and it’s been cheapened in our society – even casual sex can be intimate, if it’s about respect and connection with a person – not just about the way they look). Our society has objectified woman and equated the way they look to be about sex. Sex is not about the way a woman’s body looks. That is objectification. Sex is about a person, a connection, the way a person smiles, laughs, loves, talks, walks, touches, interacts, smells, is warm, is caring, is funny and fun, and is admired as a whole human being. Sexiness is more than the way you look. Your husband, like many men, sounds disconnected. You are wonderful and beautiful and you are not thinking too much. You have every right to feel hurt.

  16. Jak

    My boyfriend has a friend on Facebook who puts up naked photos of herself which he thinks is ok. I feel intimidated and insecure. Why do men think this is ok?

  17. Mercedes

    If the jerk says “he can’t help it,it’s his instincts” or denies it, observe him with other women….his Mom for example, a co- worker female….you know….and watch if he “checks” our other women the same stupid way he does with you. This will give you a great deal of insight of what he “really” thinks of you and respects you….

  18. Wonder woman

    When a man checks out another women when he is with his wife or girlfriend it cheapens him… I’ve seen men do this and it disgusts me to my core… furthermore these men that think this is ok do they have daughters? Are they happy to see other men looking at their daughters and objectifying them? Do they still see this as normal male behaviour??? Give me a break! Don’t give me this bull about being programmed that way… hasn’t man evolved from their primitive ways?
    Notice how all men say oh it’s normal and my girlfriend/ wife points the good looking girls out for me…. however never have I heard a man say oh I point out the good looking muscly man out to my wife, or the one that makes more money than you…. it’s so one sided!!! Women want to feel special and loved by their husbands.. if they don’t they slowly move away as soon as someone pays her more attention…. women leave marriages emotionally a lot more earlier before they leave physically… oh and yes that’s because we are programmed that way… we can help it!!!

    • jack

      love that 😂😂😂😂

    • Miguel

      The only point I disagree, is where you said that all men thinks this is right, normal or the way we are programmed. I’m a men, I’m married, and I used to think exactly like that. I used to think that my wife was overreacting, and she was the one who had to change. I used to think the only problem in our relationship, was that she couldn’t control being so jealousy. My lack of empathy, and I know, lack of common sense,took me to almost lose my marriage. Now I understand that my behavior was not right, that this is not normal, and that this is something that shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone.

      Now I understand, how all this time i was hurting her confidence and self-esteem. I have to say I’m really ashamed of myself.

      This is not normal. This is a kind of emotional abuse against your beloved.

    • LALA

      Great comment WW.

      I’m secure in myself and relationship. Everyone, m and f, notice good looking people, it’s appreciating the beauty.

      That said, when I’m out at a bar or eatery and a guy leaves eye contact while one of us is talking to watch a booty go by, that is just plain disrespectful. If I’m out with a male coworker or male friend at a deli, and they crank to watch booty and boobs, it’s disrespectful. And it says more about them than me!

      My former boyfriend used to say that BS “all men look” and “I can look if I want to”. Yep fine, you can look all you want I really don’t care. But not when I’m sitting next to you. It’s disrespectful. If this was all reversed it would be disrespectful for a female to ogle infront of her boyfriend.

      It’s not about wiring, maturity, hormones, etc. it’s about manners and respect. Period. If we point it out to the person that it makes us uncomfortable for whatever reason, and they continue, it’s blatant disrespect.

      I highly doubt a person that continues this behavior after being asked not to, doesn’t do other things that are disrespectful.

      PS. My former boyfriend that did this repeatedly after being nicely asked not to in my presence, also preferred masterbating over sex with me and told me to shut up all the time and I’m not a nag. Disrespectful behaviors are rarely isolated.

  19. Linda G.

    Thank you. I needed to read your reply. Out helped alot.

  20. Rehan Arshad

    To give lengthy explanation to your women that why you were looking at her is absolutely ridiculous.

    First, all women check other men even while being in a relationship. And then they also discuss this with their friends or inner circle.

    Second, there is no need to let insecurity creep in. In a relationship, you’ve to take things lightly and calmly. Instead of asking why were you seeing her or checking her, you better join him by saying that isn’t she hot or pretty. So, next time when he’ll see someone, he’ll tell you. And when you’ll see someone hot, you’ll tell him. You guys should be friends. A relationship where you hide stuff is like getting suffocated. Friendship is what develops trust and after that you don’t get insecure even if you see your partner smiling while talking to opposite sex.

    Third, jealousy kills relationship. It’s a natural thing and little of it is fine but as we all know that excess of everything is bad.

  21. Sal

    Really terrible advice from Rehan. Dont do it. I have been married for almost 10 years wi t h three kids and alreadt am thinking how will i spend another 20, 30 years with this guy…better if i die now but then i think if my kids..

  22. And The Truth Is

    And what about many women that have done the same thing already and Cheated as well? That really makes them a very pathetic low life loser anyway especially when many of us good men were the real Committed ones in the relationship.

  23. blogster

    Over the years I have learned women are quite happy to do the equivalent – seek attention from men despite being in a relationship with someone. I see it from married women at work, to women at the bar just looking for validation of their attractiveness, to women with boyfriends trying to make sure the boyfriend knows they can leave at any time or make them jealous.

  24. LAURA

    My husband started staring at other women 2 years into the relationship. About a year before our wedding. No idea what changed. I confronted him several times and asked him to stop because i feel disrespected and unwanted and ugly when he does it. He didn’t stop. Before the wedding I asked him to please control himself that weekend. After the reception we went out and he stared at some woman in a short dress. Absolutely humiliated me. On our wedding night. That was few months ago. The fights about it haven’t stopped. He hasn’t done it since and he apologized many times for doing it. But I can’t forget. He ruined my wedding night. I’m trying to forgive him especially since he is being very apologetic and hasn’t done it since. But now I’m very aware that he wants to look and he is attracted to other women. Which in turn makes me feel like I’m not enough. I am killing my self trying to look better for him. But the feeling of being inadequate stayed. And it’s exhausting. What can I do? Will it ever get better? I love him and I know he loves me. I just don’t think he wants me the way he wants other women. I’m am devastated.

  25. GIGI

    My problem is sort of the opposite. Been engaged nearly 12 YEARS and I find out he thinks I am interested in capturing attention from men I dont even know. I cant be specific because he didnt elaborate on the situations that brought him to think this way but I can tell you, I do not agree with his opinion. He tried to assure me that he is not insecure but I completely diagree. At some level he is insecure but I have to be brutally honest, I dont know any other reason he would think this way about me. If you asked anyone of my friends I have had for 15, 20, 30 years, for example, I would bet they would tell you I am not an attention seeking person. My man seems to think that he spends the most time with me so he knows me well. I am floored at his assumption of me. I dont know how to work with this. I am who I am and cant change my personality nor am I willing to when it pertains to being accused of being an attention seeking person. I love and care about him and have ZERO interest in any other men. I have no solutions at this time. Im 56 years old. Old enough to know I wont accept this behavior. Is this a deal breaker? I know the decision is up to me. Iguess what I really would like help with is him and why would a man feel this way.

  26. Olga Deliz

    I’m having the same problem with my boyfriend we about to turn 2 years together this summer and it has stop everywhere we go together it could be a restaurant on Valentine’s Day he’s following the waitress all over the restaurant baptism party he stand in front of almost a daughter of mine and stared at her up and down she turned around and looked at him and she’s ready wanted to her mind slap him the next day she told me how uncomfortable she felt and I just could imagine him not being with me what else he could do

  27. Martin Bond

    The reason men and women still eye up the opposite sex is because we are by nature promiscuous. Humans have been promiscuoius for hundreds of thousands of years, a few thousand years since marriage was invented isn’t going to change this. It isn’t anything to get worried about unless your relationship is shaky to begin with. For more information I would recommend ‘Sex at Dawn’ by Ryan and Jetha.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Free E-book with facts, tips and advice about your sex life

Get My Free E-book "When sexuality plays up" and learn:

❤ Can celibacy boost your sex drive?

❤ What is sexual inferiority and what can you do about it?

❤ How do you bring back the spark?

❤ Sign up for my newsletter and get the e-book for free!


Pin It on Pinterest

Share This