I’ve got a question for you. Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?
The reason I ask is because I was out shopping with my husband and caught him very discreetly checking out another woman. And I asked why he was checking her out?
He strongly denied it and said that he absolutely wasn’t checking her out.
But he was!
Why couldn’t he just tell me? I’m very jealous as is and he knows that… what does it mean when they check out other people?
The nervous one.
Dear Nervous One,
Thank you for your email.
Do you sometimes look around at clothes, shoes, jewellery, beautiful flowers etc. while chatting with your girlfriends? Do you have the feeling of being high when you’ve bought something that you’ve wanted for a really long time?
If yes, then you know the reason why men check out women.
Because they do, whether they’ll admit it or not.
When we shop, we look for things we like, beautiful things shining right at us that make us feel happy. That is the feminine energy at its best and it’s that same feminine essence and energy men take in when they see beautiful, shapely, soft women surrounding them.
They suck up all the feminine energy they can and they love it but a lot of men are ashamed of it because they know their partner will be sad.
That’s probably the reason he denies it when you ask. He doesn’t want to upset you or make you sad and thinks that if he can convince you that he’s not checking out other women, then you’ll stay happy.
Men prefer seeing their woman happy and would rather not be the reason for their worry or sadness. But do you stop looking for nice things just because you already have some at home? No right?
That doesn’t mean that you want everything you check out!
And it’s the same with men. They just take in what they can and enjoy what they see. And that has nothing to do with you not being good enough, gorgeous enough, beautiful enough or anything else
You write that you have a jealous streak and I am guessing from the way you say it that you’re blaming your boyfriend for that feeling. If he does so or so, then I feel so and so! You are expecting your boyfriend to behave in certain way. In this case, to go against his basic instincts and natural behaviour so you can be happy and not have to worry whether there are other women in this world who are interesting too.
Jealousy is often about insecurity and not feeling worthy. At some point or another you may have experienced neglect and now you’re always looking out for the potential of being neglected again.
Have you considered getting help to deal with these feelings? It´s so hard feeling jealousy often and it ruins many relationships.
Maybe both of you could make a deal together. You will be working on your insecurity and jealousy and he will have the respect for you meanwhile when you walk together and try not looking at other woman?
And then maybe one day when you have worked with yourself you could care less about how many women he checks out and maybe even encourage him to do it because you know it makes him happy. Which in turn makes him even happier to be with you.
But until you are free of the “negative feelings and thoughts” ask him to ease a little bit down on the “looking after after woman thing”.
I wish you all the best,
Many loving thoughts,
Maj Wismann, Love expert