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Q&A: Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?

Hi Maj,

Right, so now it’s my turn to ask you a question:

Why do men with a girlfriend (or a wife) look at other women?

I was out shopping with my husband the other day and I caught him discreetly checking out another woman. I asked him why he was looking at her like that and he said that he wasn’t.

He so was though!

Why couldn’t he tell me?

I’m very jealous already and he’s aware of this…

Is there a reason to why men do this?

Thanks,
The Nervous One

Why do men look at other women?

Dear The Nervous One,

Thank you very much for asking this question. I so want to say “Ha! Join the club!” I know SO many women who experience their husbands looking at other women.

Why do men look at other womenI’ve actually also met several men who’ve complained that their wives look at other men – to the extent that they’ve felt uncomfortable and upset.

So no, it’s not just men who look at other women; this is a two way street.

Of course, there’s the question of how much you actually look at someone else and how often you do it. Is it something that just happens all the time as soon as he leaves the house? Is he constantly aware of every single female outside the house?

Or… is it something that happens once in a blue moon because a supermodel is walking past him and even a blind guy would notice that?

So why do men look at other women?

I think you’ll have a difficult time finding a man – or a woman – who’ve absolutely NEVER ever looked at someone else and thought: “Wow, she/he is really beautiful/handsome”.

That being said…

“Looking at other people” certainly doesn’t mean that you want to go out with them; that you’re not happy with the person you’re actually with or that you wish your own partner looked differently…

In regards to your question about whether him looking at other women means anything, this is definitely worth remembering. When you start feeling insecure, ask yourself that question. Sometimes it means something and sometimes it actually doesn’t.

My experience tells me that in the majority of cases, it doesn’t mean anything other than he has seen someone who (to him) is beautiful or attractive, he looks at her and then moves on with his day without giving it a second thought.

Is it about natural instincts when men look at other women when they have a girlfriend or wife?Some male couple’s therapists say that it’s about their natural instincts and that men simply can’t help it. I disagree with this; it’s a cop-out saying: “Oh but I can’t help it! It’s a natural instinct!”

Stop it!

It equals to saying that we as human beings are meant to eat everything we find in nature – according to this logic, we should eat everything and we can’t stop eating, we just eat all the food around us.

I’m sure we can agree that a bit of self-restraint would be appropriate…

Believe it or not, humans – and the human brain – have evolved since the Paleolithic era and if we continue to let our “desires” control us – these spontaneous desires and intuition that is – and fail to take any responsibility for our actions, then we’ll end up very lonely. That’s my thesis, anyway.

“I need to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it”… Well, that’s okay, you go ahead and do that. It just won’t be with me then!

It’s perfectly fine to feel this way but if that’s how you feel, then that’s the terms of the relationship and then you need to be able to talk about everything openly and honestly, so that you both know what’s happening and so that you both are aware of your situation.

However…

Just because you want to look, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you want to eat cake, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you don’t feel like going to the gym, doesn’t mean you can’t go to the gym. As adult, mature and responsible people we CAN actually control our behavior and our actions.

If we want to.

So what does this “looking” mean?

As I said, that’s a comparison. In my eyes it’s all about respect. Respect for you when the two of you are out grocery shopping but also respect for the women he’s looking at.

Personally I don’t like being checked out like it’s nobody’s business. Yes, I’ve tried this and I actually find that they cross my boundaries, these men who can’t keep their eyes to themselves; they have absolutely not an ounce of sense of situation.

One of my beautiful friends – and yes, she’s absolutely stunning – told me that she finds it extremely uncomfortable when men stare at her for a long time and can’t take their eyes off of her. Especially when they’re with their girlfriend or their wife and she’s (obviously) uncomfortable about the whole thing as well.

This friend of mine tells me that she feels reduced to a piece of meat and she doesn’t feel seen as a woman with a body, a soul, a heart and feelings. She also told me that one time a woman approached her in a club and gave her a mouthful, because this woman’s husband kept staring at her. Needless to say, my girlfriend felt DEVASTATED 🙁

Why do men look at other women when they have a girlfriend Comparison and respect. Oh and a third thing:

Common decency!

To stare at other people – regardless of how they look – is actually quite rude.

We all know that it’s impolite to stare at fat people or handicapped people. This is what I teach my kids, anyway.

It’s about common decency.

And…

You’re telling me that your husband discreetly looked at another woman and this little adjective actually tells me a lot about your husband. He knows that you don’t care for it so much and he tries to respect this by looking discreetly and not letting his head nearly fall off turning around looking at her.

Even though he tried to hide this sneaky peak, you saw it and when you confronted him, he lied. This is probably the worst thing about your situation, not the “looking” part.

There can be a lot of reasons to why he “looked”. It’s not necessarily because the other woman was really hot; like I just said, sometimes it’s quite the opposite really.

But I’m sure these aren’t the situations that upset you…

Another thing is being dishonest about it, when they’re “caught”.

You get upset when he looks at other women because it makes you feel unsure about where you stand with him and when he then chooses to lie about it… well, that just makes you feel even more insecure, doesn’t it?

And I completely understand why you would. Being insecure in our relationships with other people is one of the worst things we as human beings can experience.

And THAT’S the problem!

He could’ve said:

Why do men check out other women even though they are married“You know what babe, I’m sorry. That really wasn’t very considerate of me to do that. I think she was pretty and I looked at her a bit too long. It wasn’t okay and it was disrespectful to both you and her. I’m sorry!

I love you and it wasn’t okay. I know it makes you feel unsafe and I’m sorry. I’m right here. With you. Come here, let me give you a hug. I promise you that I’ll be more aware of not doing this when you and I are out together.”

Rather than denying he was looking at another woman, a response like this (or along those lines, you know) would’ve been a lot easier to deal with. I realize that this example was very pedagogical but you get the gist 🙂

I completely understand that you feel upset and insecure. I did too when I experienced this. I’ve also had a boyfriend once who looked at other women A LOT. And he made no attempt to hide it either.

In no way whatsoever, actually.

It seemed as if he enjoyed watching me feel insecure and uncomfortable. He didn’t have an ounce of sense of situation and this didn’t exactly make matters better… It was so uncomfortable to just go for a walk with him because he constantly commented (positively) on other women, implying that they were everything I was not.

YIKES!

I wasn’t with him for very long.

However, what I experienced was what it meant to be judged on my looks and how it felt to constantly be compared to other women. It was so uncomfortable despite the fact that I actually felt pretty good about my body and about myself.

Anyway, back to you…

I think you need to have a talk to your husband and tell him that him looking at other women upsets you. And tell him that it makes you even more upset that he chooses to lie to you about it too.

Being dishonest only creates insecurity and this isn’t necessary.

I’m sure that if you have a husband who loves you and respects you, he’ll be upset that he’s hurt you and then he’ll do whatever he can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If you husband doesn’t care about what you tell him, then that’s a whole different matter of course. A much more dire situation for sure. If this is the case, then I’ll recommend you to really have a think about whether he’s the right man for you. You might even want to seek professional help/guidance, either alone or the two of you together.

What you tell me in your e-mail, I do actually believe that he’ll do whatever he can not to hurt you again.

I’m sure this is also why he denied it even though being dishonest is a terrible strategy. He probably denied it because he didn’t want to hurt you even more and he didn’t want to have a big confrontation.

This strategy obviously needs to go and he needs to replace it with honesty. Honesty is without a doubt what makes a relationship flourish and what makes love flourish.

Just a final note on your jealousy…

In regards to your jealousy and how to get rid of it, I’ll recommend you to start working on ridding yourself of this. Make this work serious and structured and perhaps even go see a competent cognitive psychologist.

Most of the time, jealousy is simply rooted in the feat of losing someone, and when jealousy gets a grip on you, it holds on tight. The thing about jealousy is though, that the more you try to avoid it, the bigger it’ll grow.

And this, my friend, will drive you to the point of madness…

One thing is that your husband looks at other women – this isn’t nice for you, of course it isn’t.

Another thing is that you suffering from jealousy make everything so much worse. You can even say that your experience with your husband is negatively affected by this jealousy that already resides within you.

Some would say that you just need to “pull yourself together” and the fact that you don’t like that your husband looks at other women, is actually a sign for you to work on something about your own self-worth and your self-confidence and by doing this, you’ll be fine with him looking at whoever he wants to look at.

You won’t hear this from me though.

Granted, when your jealousy runs the show, the situation worsens. That being said however, I know a lot of men and women who feel confident and secure about themselves and they still don’t like it when their partner is (very obviously) checking out other people when they’re with them.

Maj Wismann about why men look after other womenSo no, it’s not about you working on “not caring” about what your husband is doing. This is about him not looking at other women when you’re with him AND about you ridding yourself of the jealousy. If this happens, I’m sure the two of you will be so much happier together.

Love,
Maj Wismann, Clinical Sexologist and Couple’s Therapist with own private clinic since 2006

 

 

 

★ Have you found yourself in a similar situation? What did you do/say? How did you handle it? Has your partner stopped looking at other people or did you learn to live with it? How did you get to that point? I’ll love reading your comment, your story and your good advice.

* Please remember to keep a nice tone. ALL negative comments will be deleted immediately as I wish to create a positive and supporting space where we can help each other. Because of this, I do have a zero tolerance policy to rudeness, condescension and other negative inputs.

 

40 Comments

  1. Donna

    You are correct that many mean no disrespect I’m sure, but it still hurts,especially as you age. Here’s my husband of 30 years now checking out constantly ladies 30 and younger. It hurt when we were first married, and still does, but he is addicted, thinks he has no problem, evidently doesn’t respect me enough not to do it when we are together. He’s ran off the road a few times watching a girl standing in a yard. Restaurants, shopping, anywhere; he’s staring. No, he won’t go to counseling, but I’ve been there and it’s either I ignore it or divorce him. Since there are other signs of disrespect, I’m considering leaving. I truly am a great wife. He does nothing for himself, and does nothing barely to help around our huge home and yard. I feel sometimes these men are just perverts to have to stare all the time. He’ll even pretend to have to go somewhere else like at store, when I see he is following a pretty one. I followed him once and there he was, practically breathing down her neck while she shopped! I keep hoping one day a woman will slap him! Anyways, I say ladies, snip it in the bud; demand respect.

    Reply
    • Normajean

      This is horrible. I use to think mine was bad

      Reply
    • Lisa

      I just felt horrible when I read your post. I honestly believed I had it bad, but obviously not. My husband does not go and follow a pretty girl, but I will find him looking trying not to be obvious, or to be a prick he will make a comment if there is a pretty girl oh wow she is pretty just to piss me off. But after reading your post I realized I have not caught my husband following a girl and I felt horrible for you. However I did find my husband uploading his photo to a site with females.

      I obviously caught him and had dates and times and he tried to deny it but couldn’t. Then he admitted that he went on there and uploaded a photo to see if he would get any “likes”. He said that he did it for his ego as I made him feel like I didnt him. Ha ha to me it sounds like an excuse, but whatever, he played with fire and I obviously got him back by going on a date with an actual person and told him.
      You can imagine the embarrassment he felt and that I did it to get back at him for hurting me and making me feel “unattractive” and to boost my ego since he had to boost his. Now obviously this put him in check to the fact that hey my wife is attractive and I can lose her. We worked on our marriage and were stronger than ever, well so I thought!
      3 years later and I catch him doing the same thing.
      Now do I retaliate and do what I did before? Or do I confront him? Or do I leave? Well I don’t want to retaliate been there done that, so I confronted and he denied of course and is now worried what I might do.
      I am not going to do anything this time, but now I really need to decide do I get over it or leave? I hate the idea of being disrespected because he knows how much he hurt me before. But does he really care about my feelings or is just worried about my revenge?
      I hate being disrespected! I get it, everyone looks everyone finds someone attractive that’s human nature, but don’t do it in front of your partner or don’t get caught.
      Yes I do feel for you as your partner has followed girls, but hey has mine learned?
      The point to my rant is we either accept it and move on, or we don’t accept it and come up with a concrete plan to leave. Revenge isn’t the answer, it’s either stay or leave.

      Reply
  2. men hurt too

    As a man I can tell you that I am completely devoted to my wife and I don’t check out other women. Never cared to.
    our sex life is great and communicate very well. Except for the fact that she checks out good looking men when we’re together.

    I have confronted her on this and she denies it when clearly she is doing it.

    I am 6’4″ 250 bodybuilder and I attract alot of attention from women but I dont give it back.

    I feel like I’m not enough for her and have begun to withdraw from our relationship. I’m unmotivated because I feel like I’m not the man she wants…she wants what she looks like.

    When she calls me handsome it makes me feel like she’s saying it to stroke my ego.

    So ladies…..some times it’s your own actions that make a man check out other women so he can feel validated because you dont validate him enough.

    Reply
    • women hurt too

      Im devoted to my partner. I have no desire to look at other men. He is all i want and i love him so.

      I understand where your coming from because we are the same and your wife sounds like my husband.

      He calls me beautiful and gorgeous but….

      He checks out other girls and makes me feel like I’m not good enough too.

      I work out i keep fit and fitter than he is so why does he finds other women attractive.

      I just don’t gt it.

      Reply
      • You both are special

        I wish I was born that way. I find it extremely difficult to believe that a man won’t look at other woman just because they are married or have a partner. This is a LIE.

        This guy said he doesn’t do it? He is a liar. Or he is not 100% man. Well he actually complains about things that woman would normally do. That is how it is. I love my wife, I’ve never been unfaithful but I do see, recognize and admire beauty on other woman, which doesn’t mean I want them over my wife.

        She is just crazy, I have to lie to her so she doesn’t go crying like if I cheated on her when she ask me if I think ‘if that girls is attractive’.

        Reply
        • amanda holland

          i agree but pisses me off is when they lie

          Reply
      • Ella

        I’m hurting, my bf constantly commenting on these women that he sees on FB. He tells me they’re just compliments, but still, if you’re going around telling these women they’re “incredible” “gorgeous”, etc. why do try even bother to be in a relationship. He tells me I’m the only woman he wants but still, for him to be complimenting these “so called friends” of his on FB hurts me. What do I do. I can’t help myself but to wonder if I’m really am the only one.
        I think that if a man is in a relationship n say “you’re all I want” then they shouldn’t even focus or even dare to look at another woman. Their eyes should just be in “you”. I hurt n I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him off or just learn to deal with it?!

        Reply
        • Miiriinndiyeeee

          Tell him off, he’s a fuckboy, I’m telling you from experience!

          Reply
        • Jen

          If he loves you, he’ll respect you and not do it. He can admire and not comment, I would accept that. I’m not sure what your take is on that. But I personally wouldn’t deal with it. Know your worth! A true man will respect you!

          Reply
      • Maria Allen

        She is not crazy. She has been wired to be loved and cherished.

        Reply
        • Rose

          I had the same problem and told him repeatedly how his comments to women he doesn’t even know on his FB made me feel when it shows up on my newsfeed, finally just blew up and have deleted and blocked him…his chances are over.

          Reply
      • Paula

        Dear women hurt too,
        wow! It sounds like I could’ve wrote what you just wrote here. I’ve confronted my husband about “looking” at other women, and all I get is “I don’t look, you’re beautiful and all I need”. Well if i’m all that he says why does he get whiplash whenever a female walks by! Why do we have to walk by all the magazines and calendars with swimsuit models on them and don’t forget we got to go down the isle that has all the workout videos and stuff too, can’t forget that. I hate to go out in public with him, he makes me feel like a dog! Oh and here’s a blast:: hes a preacher!! I dont like going to church either cause hes scoping out the room soon as we get there, and when he finds what hes looking for , he cant keep his eyes off her the whole time.
        I wish I knew what to do, but theres nothing to do unless he goes blind. Then maybe I would be beautiful and all he needs. I’m sorry for you and all us other women that have to go through this. Maybe one day they’ll wake up and realize what they do have.

        Reply
  3. Trace

    I believe men have a natural instinct to procreate, they always look at women pre-programmed. My boyfriend did the same thing. I mentioned it’s disrespectful keep it up, and you will loose me. Have some manners when I am with you i did give it right back and stared at good looking men. But men really are primitive creatures

    Reply
  4. Sona

    Hi Maj, my case is a bit different. About looking or even flirt other women, my BF does. And somehow I tolerate. But one day I found out he text his colleague and both of them reciprocately said “love you miss you very much and send eachother pictures ” He said sorry, he said he would not do that again. He said it was just flirt play that he didn’t really mean love or miss her. He deleted all his message to her. How to make sure he really have no relationship with this woman or he is still cheating on me

    Reply
  5. Samantha

    Hello there,
    I am married and I have recently found out that someone I normally talk to just as friends as he owns a business and I go shopping there, he admires me. He is also married and has children. We are friends to the point where we talk just about normal things nothing more and there is no communication beyond that but it was uncomfortable when I saw him checking me out from head to toe when I was with my husband. He knows I am married and my husband was just looking back at him.

    Reply
  6. Siobhain Connolly

    My husband has done this for years. I am at the point that I don’t want to go out in public with him alone. He calls it responding to attractiveness. In other words, his God given right. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Maria Allen

      I too do not enjoy going out with my husband, as there is often a female issue that we end up fighting about. We are unequally yoked- I am Christian and he is not. It causes some major disagreements and tensions. Somehow I get stronger, especially when I know that I am not alone. God loves me dearly and would never do anything to tear me down. So glad i have reached this conclusion.

      Reply
    • SarahTN39

      I’m in the same boat. I avoid public places with him. Married 3 years and ready to jump ship for peace and freedom from how he makes me feel.

      Reply
  7. Mia

    This can really be hell for women especially if they are already jealouse. I am lucky to live in a secular muslim country where women dont nececary wear muslim coverage but normal outfit, yet still mostly they care to wear modest enough. They look beautiful but they are not sexualy provocating with miniskirts and deep cleavage (at least the majority isnt)..I myself am European but I really dont know if I can live in European country (or USA, Canada..) because of this issue. I trust my partner and I know he loves me..and actually I think his behaving is pretty good too and respectful. But if there would be miniskirts and hot pants everywhere..even he would not be able not to look. I give respect to all you women who are battling this. I think I would not be able to stand or just may be.

    Reply
  8. Alison

    I’m with you ladies on this one! Quite a lot of men out there not only checkout other women, but they imagine them while having sex with their partner… This massively disturbed me when i found out.
    I see it as unfaithfulness to think of someone els while having sex with my partner. I personally think todays date of mankind is screwed! Especially with the porn industry and social media.

    Reply
    • Carmen

      Amen !thank god that the porn industry is scarred with trump as president

      Reply
  9. CLS

    My comment on the subject is this: I’ve talked to my significant other about this. I expect a man to be a man and we’re all humans whom re-act. However I feel respect should always be expected and given. When we’re together outside I may see an attractive man but I am not going to make it obvious that I like what I see if I am with him because I’m with him and proud to be. It should be the same with him. Of course there are plenty of other attractive women out there that will be seen but if he’s with me then that’s where his eyes and attention should be directed. I’ve seen other men turn around to look at another woman when they are with their significant other (some with kids) and I automatically think negatively of them… like how is your woman supposed to feel? I’ve seen some men do that with me. If a man see’s a couple and he finds the woman attractive, say something nice to her man. That should really boost his ego instead of showing disrespect by trying to sneak a peek at her wiggle. Both people should be proud not disrespected IMHO.

    Reply
  10. amanda holland

    every man look at a nother woman wat dose my head in is when they i didnt look at that woman or bum or boobs well ya did dnt lie

    Reply
  11. Yvonne Sepulveda

    Let me start off by saying I am not a jealous person by any means what so ever having said that here it goes. A couple of days ago I was looking through my husband’s phone and not because I was checking up on him but because he was driving and ask me if I could search for a specific destination he had saved on his phone so in doing so I came across some very provocative sites and I couldn’t help myself but Wonder. So later on that night I went on a full-blown detective mode. I started searching the history on his phone his entire history and let me just say, it wasn’t porn but there was women that were nude and had little to no clothes on by the looks of it, it looked like it was a chatting site the girls had provocative pictures and gave a brief summary of themselves. Now as I said before I am not a jealous person I have actually seen my husband looking at other girls while he is with me and it does not bother me at all I’ve also seen other girls checking out my husband and giving him flirty eyes and smiles and it hasn’t bothered me because to me I’ve always thought it was normal, human nature if you will but for some reason I was quite bothered and frankly a little jealous and I don’t know why, so my question is this. So is it okay for a husband to look at other women in very provocative nude pictures or I’m I just reading to much into this? I would definitely hate to bring this up to his attention because I think it would put us in an awkward position but I can’t help and wonder why out of all the things that I have actually witnessed, pictures would make me feel insecure. If anyone out there is reading this and you have some words of advice please feel free to do so I am kind of lost because I really don’t know how to react to this scenario thank you very much

    Reply
    • Maria Allen

      Hi there- well, all I can say is this- you have been wired to feel loved and cherished, so don’t be surprised when you start feeling uncomfortable or jealous. It happens to all women at some point. You are beautiful inside and out and the one person who feels this way about you the most is God. But it does help to have a loving boyfriend or spouse, doesn’t it? Please know you are not alone. No one is perfect. Keep up the good work. I know you must be trying.

      Reply
      • Samantha

        It’s completely natural for you to feel jealous and uncomfortable when your partner shows interest in other women – whether by looking when he’s out, or by looking at nude or nearly nude photos. We have been brainwashed to think this is normal male behaviour and that we are controlling when it bothers us. No. It’s not natural male behaviour and it is completely natural for you to feel jealous. I’m so sick of people letting men off the hook and bullying women into ignoring their natural gut instincts! If you turned the tables around and checked out other men every time you’re out, or used nearly nude or nude pictures of men – your man would feel so jealous! He is lying if he says he wouldn’t. Don’t put up with it ladies! You’re all worth so much more. The excuse of men “naturally” needing to do this is first of all a cop out, so men never have to be vulnerable and commit fully to one woman (they have full control of the relationship as he is not as invested as her), and secondly, a way to pitch women up against each other. Don’t stand for it.

        Reply
  12. MIke.

    Come on. If your driving around in your chevrolet, are you going to not look at the Ferrari that just cruised by. Even if you have a ferrari, do you not admire the lamborgini that passed you. Gain some confidence in your relationship. Dont suppress your husband. If you see a hot woman tell your husband, wow, isn’t she beautiful. Believe me he will love you for it and admire you more for relating to him. Your are his wife and his friend. If he was with his buddies do you not think they don’t say damn that’s hot when a hot woman cruises by. Show him the strength of your relationship by having the confidence in it to be able to call things what they are. It will make it stronger. Why make him fake it and lie for fear of you cutting off his balls. Call it what it is, be his friend and allow your relationship to open up and grow. If my wife got Pissed everyone I noticed a beautiful flower in a garden I’d be living a suppressed life. He’s not going to go pick it or take it home. If your not doing this today, try it. Take the handcuffs off your husband and grow your relationship or get counseling cause you need to work on your self confidence.

    Reply
    • Mesha

      Damn that was good advice! I just thought by you complementing the other woman may make him notice her more.

      Reply
    • Samantha

      No sorry, don’t listen to this ladies. First of all – don’t compare a woman to a car. A woman is not an object. She is not an object of lust or desire. A woman is a living, breathing human, with human feelings. Not a piece of metal (or meat) to ride. Secondly, it is not suppressing a man to ask him not to check out other women! What a load of tosh. This is outright has lighting – making a woman feel ashamed and guilty for her completely natural feelings of jealousy when a man reacts that way. If your woman was to check out every hot guys hat walks past, I highly doubt you would feel secure in your relationship, or feel sexy or wanted. If a man is like that even with his buddies, he’s not a “man”, he’s just a little boy in a man’s costume that has to act big and macho by objectifying women. Thirdly, maybe men should strengthen their relationships with their partner and with women in general – by seeing them as actual human beings with feelings, thoughts and desires, rather than just pretty things to look at. Maybe men should cherish and feel lucky to have the woman he has by his side, rather than making her feel like a second rate citizen. Why is it up to the woman to ignore her own perfectly natural feelings, and objectify other women to make her man happy?! That’s like gighschool logic. Why can’t a man just refrain from ogling women and put his energy into making his partner feel cherished? There’s something wrong with a man who always has to notice and look at other women – he’s not fully present in life, he’s not comfortable or fully present with himself and his owner feelings and he’s certainly not fully resent in his relationship. Do what you wish, and if you find a woman who is genuinely happy for you to do this – then fine. But don’t go acting like all women should be fine, and gas lighting women to think it’s their own problem. I feel very sorry or any woman who is fed this stuff and made to feel she is wrong. Have more faith and love for yourself ladies – if it eels wrong. It more than likely is. Don’t settle for second best you’d be better off being alone and loving your life carefree, than feeling like a second rate piece of meat with your significant other. This objectification of women has to stop.

      Reply
    • Dimitri

      Amen!! Very logical advice!

      Reply
    • Al

      So Mike? Are you gonna praise how hot other men are too ? Or are you gonna point out to your wife ‘ wow yes that guy really knows how to look after his wife , look at the beaiutifultful home and jewellery he buys her ‘ eked a guy walks by that makes 20 x what you do and puts all his attention on HIS woman instead of sharing it around like you do .
      No different .if it’s OK for you to fantasise about all those women as we get older then don’t be surprised that we start fantasising about all the men who earn more or know how to treat their woman like the only one in the world

      Reply
    • Lelee

      I have tried that approach..Yes he gets immediately in interested..But I am so tired ..Because he looks, flirts with them all..

      Reply
  13. Jen Lynn

    I am a 34yr old woman, 110 lbs with 32DD-25-34 and yes I have a pretty face to go with my figure. Now, in my current relationship my bf checks out other women and lets me know verbally or breaks his neck doing it. I’m learning how to deal with with it but I do not know if I can. (contemplating in breaking up with him…) To be honest, these women are not even attractive, they’re slightly over weight. He looks at their booty or boobs more than anything else. Which makes me wonder…”maybe he needs a bbw, I’m probably too small for him?” I’ve told him multiple times that I will not gain weight due to I’m a health freak by nature and that he needs to go get himself a “big” girl. I exercise and eat salads everyday, which he loves! So I’m slightly conflicted on what he actually wants?
    I am determine to gain a bigger booty (exercise/weights/squats/etc), but even then I doubt I’ll get the attention I truly desire from him. And if I do not get the attention I want from him, I know for a fact that I’ll get it from other men. Honestly other men do check me out now, and yes it’s annoying. But it does tell me that I “look good” and men still find me attractive even now (because I dont have a fat booty LOL).
    Some of you probably think I’m over thinking my situation. But honestly, it’s more about respect on my part. Yes I do find some men attractive, but I’ve never disrespected my bf as he done me. I’ve never stared at an attractive man up and down. If anything, quick 1-2 second look and move on. It’s not in my nature to really stare and study people (unless its a women wearing something cute that I like!). I get it, guys will look. But if you make it discrete, I can let it go. But if you are staring and you verbalize it or your neck is about to break off, then go get it honey! I won’t stop you (I’ve told my bf this too, even let go of his hand and walk away).

    As I stated earlier, it’s not in my character to disrespect my man by checking out other guys, but I’m about to get to that point just to prove a point, “respect”. Anyway, I’m glad I can relate to some of you women out there. Wish me luck on my awesome journey with my bf.

    Reply
  14. anita

    me and my husband went to a family birthday party and he was telling his son that lady there you need to get her number im trying to tell you how too go about a women she had on a jumpsuit with holes going own the side. then he said again too his daughter I would have got that number he was drinking beer

    Reply
  15. Pamela

    My husband said he thinks about having sex when he sees really hot sexy wemon..Should I worrie,,we don’t have a good sex relationship,,I am feeling insacre and feeling I may be cheated on by him.He said I think to deeply,,

    Reply
    • Samantha

      You have every right to feel insecure about this. It’s disrespectful to you and to women in general. Your husband is seeing women as pieces of meet and objectifying them based on the way you look. You are not thinking too much – that is a lie and is made to make you ignore your own feelings. Your gut instinct is natural and your husband is being unfair. You are beautiful inside and out, and you deserve more respect. Also – sex isn’t supposed to be about the way a person looks. It is a deeply intimate act (I’m not religious, but it really is something that is intimate – and it’s been cheapened in our society – even casual sex can be intimate, if it’s about respect and connection with a person – not just about the way they look). Our society has objectified woman and equated the way they look to be about sex. Sex is not about the way a woman’s body looks. That is objectification. Sex is about a person, a connection, the way a person smiles, laughs, loves, talks, walks, touches, interacts, smells, is warm, is caring, is funny and fun, and is admired as a whole human being. Sexiness is more than the way you look. Your husband, like many men, sounds disconnected. You are wonderful and beautiful and you are not thinking too much. You have every right to feel hurt.

      Reply
  16. Jak

    My boyfriend has a friend on Facebook who puts up naked photos of herself which he thinks is ok. I feel intimidated and insecure. Why do men think this is ok?

    Reply
  17. Mercedes

    If the jerk says “he can’t help it,it’s his instincts” or denies it, observe him with other women….his Mom for example, a co- worker female….you know….and watch if he “checks” our other women the same stupid way he does with you. This will give you a great deal of insight of what he “really” thinks of you and respects you….

    Reply

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